Day 30-I'm OK
When did you know that things were going to be OK? Was there any particular moment?
Over the years, I have experienced a great many of highs and lows; some of those lows at the time seemed unfathomable, as though I couldn't imagine it ever happening. There were, and still are times where I asked myself "how the hell am I going to get through this? How I am going to endure this kind of pain without my heart breaking in half?"
I have learned to stop looking for signs in terms of whether or not something will work out. Granted, there have been instances where I have felt some sort of spiritual movement within my soul, as though God is telling me that I am not alone. However, most of the time I just keep going simply because I have to. It might involve gritting my teeth and forcing myself to keep going on with my life, even thought I may not want to. It's possible that I'll cry myself to sleep for a while. And even after the pain has dulled, I probably won't be able to completely forget it. Yet, I cannot wallow in the unchangeable; there is no greater loss or regret then when a person misses out on the present because they lived in the past.
That feeling of relief, that clarity is not always meant to happen right away. One has to allow themselves to feel first and opposed to trying to numb the pain. There are some negative events that took place in my life just a couple of years ago, and it has only been just recently where I've felt some sort of peace. Sometimes you don't even get that particular feeling; it might be just slowly getting used to a new kind of reality and realizing that your life isn't' completely over because of it.
I know that I will be all right because I am strong. I have wonderful people in my life that love me and are supportive of me in good times and in bad. And I am determined not to let the storms and obstacles keep me from having the kind of life that I want to have; successful and fulfilled.