Day 31-New Beginnings
As 2012 begins, what bridges do you see yourself crossing? What will you do differently?
I didn't get the chance write this a couple of days ago because I was so busy with my New Years plans. I had a small window of time, but I decide that I would rather write something well thought out and give myself enough time time to do it, as opposed to trying to write in a rush before 2011 came to an end.
As I enter this brand new year, I am envisioning myself crossing a bridge: one side is a representation of things that have ultimately held me down, at times for many years beforehand. The other side represents who and what I want to become, and what I would like to accomplish.
For far too long, I have made decisions for the sake of others, when deep down I felt that something wasn't good or healthy about those decisions. I've said "yes" to what wasn't right for me, and "no" to what was. And I did that because I wanted to be selfless; I wanted to give more rather than take more.
Over time, I've come to no longer seeing it as selflessness, but rather allowing myself to get walked all over and pushed around by others. I know now that I cannot take care of anyone else if I cannot take care of myself as well. In order to say "yes" to something, I have to feel comfortable with it as well as confident. It might come off as harsh to those that are not used to me having this particular kind of attitude. There's a chance that friends and family will view me a little differently. But one can't win at both being liked and doing what's best for themselves.
Another thing I would like to do is put more effort into my writing career. I can't and I don't want to wait until after I become part of the "real world" to start seriously writing. In fact, that's how a lot of writers fall into a hole; they wait until the "right time" when truthfully the best time is now. I have a habit of creating a ton of material in my head, yet I allow it to sit for months. It has come from a long-standing fear of being vulnerable in that way, to both my family and my friends.
Yet, I feel as if now I am ready to share this gift, as well as many of the gifts that I have somewhat kept hidden from the rest of the world. I don't want to be published just to say that I've been published. I want to get my work out there so that people can actually read it, darn it all.
The third and final element is to focus on cultivating my current relationships, instead of longing for my past ones or trying to find new ones. Don't get me wrong, if somebody wants to come in to my life for genuine reasons, there's no sense in trying to keep them out. However, I've been taking a lot of incredibly special people for granted. I want to be present for them, and to be willing to accept what they're willing to give.
I won't call these resolutions, because resolutions seem to have a definition of something that one will only do for the particular year. What I've mentioned above is not what I want to do for the year, but what I want to get into the practice of doing for the rest of my life. This year is only a stepping stone.
There is a strong, intuitive feeling inside of me that says 2012 is going to be good and filled with change. It's not because I'm relying on such to come to me, but to go to it and make it happen. It's why one of my two words for the year is "accomplish." What I accomplish this year will help me to become the kind of person that I want to grow to be.
While I'm crossing one bridge, there's no telling what other little ones I will encounter in this particular journey. It will be beautiful and it will be strengthening. Care to join me?