What do you want to call into your life?
All right, I have a bit of a confession to make. For nearly two decades, I have tended to feel as though I were on the outside looking inward; always wanting something, always wishing that things were different, or that I might able to have what everyone else seemed to have.
And in recent months, I have felt stuck in the ruts of circumstances that I simply can't do anything about, yet have felt a yearning to somehow change or make better.
But throughout these last couple of days I've been wondering, just how much energy am I wasting by wanting and pondering and getting frustrated over situations that should not have any power over what I choose to do? A lot, actually. When I chose to give my brain and rest and allow myself to stop thinking about it, I discovered the following truth:
I may not have grown up doing things in the most conventional way, especially in junior high and high school. Heck, I may not be doing things exactly as one would expect them to be done in college. At the same time, I've also had a lot of experiences and met a variety of people that I wouldn't trade for the world. It all has played a role in shaping who I am, and I am proud of it.
I am attending a University that I have wanted to go to since I was sixteen years old, and it is one of the greatest schools I could be at in terms of a career. And I am already into the second semester of my sophomore year.
With that being said, I want to call a sense of focus into my life. Not only do I want to focus on reaching the goals that I've set for myself and making things happen, but I also want to focus on living in the present moment and taking things for what they are, as opposed to analyzing something that all things considered, shouldn't affect me in the long run.
Which leads me to say that I have built a lot of wonderful friendships, especially over these last three or four months. I hope to continue doing that, especially in the midst of the craziness that is getting a college education.
I've always said that I like to do different things with different people. Without realizing it, last semester was the beginning of some traditions that I'd like to continue with throughout the rest of the school year. Some of them involved having breakfast together a couple of mornings a week, or getting coffee or ice cream. Some of them involved watching movies or certain TV shows that a bunch of us were into. I would like to start having friends over for dinner and hopefully going out more on the weekends.
As busy as life can get, it's not just a matter of having time to do something. It's a matter of setting the time aside and actually making a point to do it.
That doesn't mean that I'm not open to change or allowing new people into my life. But I don't, nor will I allow these potential precious moments to slip through my fingers just because of the small stresses that I'm dealing with.
There comes a point where the only reason you're not happy is because you're not letting yourself be happy. And sometimes you just have to do what you can and let the rest take care of itself.