Rising Up And Above

Day 17-Fear


The easiest way to overcome fear is to confront it. Rather than brainstorming reasons to avoid your "fear" shift your attention to reasons for confronting your fear. What fear would you like to overcome in 2012?


Awhile back I was having an extremely hectic week; the main reason was an ever-present question that kept wrecking havoc on my brain. Where am I going with my life?


Now before I continue, I'm sure this is a completely normal question for anyone my age to ask. At some point, everyone will and does ask it. But for a person who almost always has a vision in mind, along with a way to make that vision happen, it was daunting. I felt stuck and was frequently crying tears of frustration. 


Which leads me to my first fear: I am afraid of not accomplishing anything; of still being stuck in the same place that I currently am in as of right now. Or moving forward, yet not really going anywhere. Does that make sense? 


I guess it stems from my overall experience in 2011; for most of the year I believed that I had come out of this shell that I'd been hiding in since I first started high school. I eventually realized that I had been "happy" for all the wrong reasons. When reality finally set in, I felt as though I had take one step forward and two steps back.


A part of me thinks that there isn't really a way to "confront" this fear, because I'm not scared of what could happen. Rather, I'm scared of what might not happen. And the only way to get somewhere (or anywhere, for that matter) is to start walking; even if it's just little baby steps at first. 


That means having a specific something in mind that I want to do; something that is realistic, where I can actually make it happen. In these past couple of weeks I've thought about my writing career and what I genuinely want to do with it. I always envisioned myself waiting until after I finished college so that I could enjoy the whole experience of being a college student. Yet I've noticed that if you don't start at least trying your hand somewhat early before you get out into the real world, you're stuck with a dead end job trying to pay the bills and the mild hope of ever getting into the business. I don't quite know how I'm going to go about it just yet, but I'll discuss it more once I have an idea.


Another thing is being patient, along not being myself up over what I haven't done or haven't had the chance to do. It is true when others say that our own worst critics, and worst enemies are ourselves. While I may not have done a whole lot this year in terms of what I am passionate about, I have made great emotional strides and am learning how to better deal with various aspects of my own life. 


So while it's important to strive to be the best you can be, it's also good to know when to give yourself credit and celebrate your victories, regardless of how small they may be.


My second fear is that I will become almost too independent for my own good, as well as for the wrong reasons. I'll admit that for the last couple of years, I have chosen to do things by myself as a way of proving something to people. In 2011, I kept a lot of crap to myself in order to prove that I wasn't making any mistakes or hadn't already. I wanted to prove that being a college student wasn't harder than I initially anticipated it to be. 


While I think I've been doing a lot better with being open and honest about what's going on in my life, but there are still a few roadblocks to get past. For instance, I still don't like the idea of other people taking care of me, especially at this point in my life. While I was (and still am) the oldest child in my immediate family, I often feel like the roles get reversed due to my physical setbacks. My struggles during my freshman year only intensified that need to be independent, and to show the rest of the world that I was perfectly capable of doing so. 


But the world's way of living life isn't always the right way. In this case, it's supposedly better to be alone and completely rely on your own person. On the other hand, human nature almost always tends to go against that. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the amount of love, prayers and support that I've received. 


And when it comes to any kind of relationship, one has to know how to receive as well as to give. It's not like I'm expecting anyone to hold my hand or to be at my beck and call; but I do like knowing that there are those who are willing to walking with me, and who are rooting for me to succeed in whatever I do. 


So when a friend or family member offers to do something for me, I need to stop being so stubborn and learn to accept that help. It's not just about needing, but allowing others to feel needed as well.


The only way to get over a fear isn't just to face it, but to know how to face it in the best way.