Day 6- It Happened For A Reason
Describe one thing that happened this year that challenged you, against all odds. How did you cope?
The month of March generally always gets me a little down, as does January. But March of 2012 was anything but kind; quite honestly, it was one of the worst periods of time that I have gone through this year.
It seemed like every week, there was always something knocking me down: after spring break, I found out a bit of news that made me afraid of losing someone very close to my heart. Shortly after that, my friendship with my then-roommate took a turn for the worst, and I struggled with trying to keep the peace and sticking up for what I felt was right. It all led up to one night where in a nutshell, I found myself in an incredibly scary predicament, and the experience would take time to recover from.
It was definitely not easy to hang on. I was crying all the time, either out of sheer anger/frustration or just being in pain.None of it made sense, and my coping mechanism in these kinds of situations was to try and pinpoint some reason for it, or mentally create a list of all the good things that could come from it.
But let's be real here; that doesn't always work. Finding reasons may just lead to more questions, and constantly being positive often takes more strength than a person has the ability to muster.
In my morning routine, I try to begin the day by doing some kind of devotional. Every time I read through a devotional during those weeks, I felt as though each story/reading spoke to me in some kind of way relating to what I was going through. There were two Bible verses that stood out to me the most:
Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight
-Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29: 11
I wrote those verses on post-it notes and put them up above my desk, so that I could see them in full view whenever I was in my bedroom. I wrote in my journal almost every single day, never sugarcoating my thoughts about how broken I felt.
Through that I learned a way to pray whenever I was upset; instead of asking why, I would simply ask God to give me peace in those moments. It wasn't always instantaneous, and there were days when I could not be automatically calmed down. But it gave me a clear enough perspective to put one foot in front of the other.
And that's exactly what I did, if only for the sake of my sanity. There were times when I nearly lost it and thought it was better to curl up in a corner until I could get the heck out of my then-apartment. But I knew I couldn't live like that; I had to keep walking, even if it meant getting drenched by the rain that seem to just pour down in my life.
That season was definitely a rough one, but a season nonetheless where I experienced tremendous growth, especially in a sense of faith and spirituality. And that discovery is definitely something that I want to share in a day or two, because it enabled me to look at Christianity in a different light.
I am a survivor, for many reasons other than what I discussed above. I am a warrior and refuse to give up. But the one thing I must remember is that I can't get it through it by my own strength.
My Rock in faith.