Note: The following post is somewhat of a "rant" as they call it; it might contain a bit of profanity, and I may come off as a griper and complainer. Just so you know
For most of my life, I've usually been an open book about my experiences and the things I go through. In the past, I was one of those people who normally called it as they saw it. However, over the last five years or so I've struggled with being able to fully trust someone (or people, for that matter). Most of the time, it happens on and off. But it's definately something I've battled, and am still battling. Although now I find myself more confused then ever.
Trust is a simple little word, but can be a difficult concept for many. It's the foundation for many, if not all relationships, because without trust you can't really have a relationship. Yet in a world of advancing technology, where one can easily hide their true feelings behind a computer screen or a text messege, it can be a little tricky. There are those that deserve all the trust in the world and those that deserve none at all. The hardest part is being able to differenciate as to which is which.
For me personally, trusting other people is something I've had to work on for a very long time, particularly when it comes to confiding in others about the good, the bad and the ugly things that go on in my life. Alot of the times when I go through things, I usually don't talk about it (at least for awhile) due to being afraid of how even my closest friends and family members might see me. For example, I wish I could really talk to someone about how there are times when I become frustrated with how I am physically; that I am embarressed about not having done certain things that most people have done by my age, and how I am afraid of not accomplishing the goals that I've set for myself. There are times when all I want is for someone to hold me and listen to what I have to say. But on the other hand, I feel as though I have to constantly carry myself with a huge amount of dignity and grace. I don't want to be pitied or viewed as an incredibly needy person.
I'm ashamed to admit that I forget a key point when it comes to trust; that the truest of friends and the ones that really matter will be there for you, one way or the other. It won't make a difference as to how bad the situation is, or whether or not they'll be able to understand what you're going through, they'll be there. And if some walk away (and I've had to learn the hard way that there are those that will) then they obviously shouldn't be in your life in the first place.
Trust is essential in life, and not just in regards to friendships; one has to trust that no matter what each day brings, that they'll have the strength to get through it. That in the midst of hardship and difficulty, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And ultimately, that God loves them enough to give them only what they can handle, and even when they feel they can't, that God will carry them.
Because as one of my favorite quotes says, Love never fails.