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This poem is my way of trying to explicate the season I'm in right now; the mixture of pain, joy, loneliness, and togetherness. Read on and Enjoy!
My Wilderness
What happens to
“coming home”
When home doesn’t
feel safe anymore?
What used to be a
place of rest, now becomes the wilderness
My wilderness
A pair of jeans that
no longer fit
A candle that burnt
out long ago
My thoughts and
emotions contradict each other
In metaphors and
analogies
A flying squirrel
jumping from branch to branch
Without much balance
or leverage
Then, a turtle that
stays low to the ground
Hiding in a
protective shell when threatened or in a danger
But mostly a deer trying
to find her way
Around this familiar
but unknown place
Vulnerable and
exposed, praying not to be shot down
I can appreciate the
peaceful solitude
The spiritual
practice of beginning and ending each day
For in solitude comes
wisdom
And in wisdom comes growth
Yet there’s a longing
for connectivity after a while
To go beneath the
surface
Of the water in which
we all swim
Every so often that
water becomes
And ocean full of
waves
That come crashing
down one by one
With such force that
my legs ache
From trying to stay
afloat
My lungs desperate
for air
A fiery burning
sensation
From what builds up
inside
Hopefully
transforming into words of vulnerability
A warm blanket
feeling
Where for a length of
time I’m neither too much nor not enough
No distractions or
worries
But feelings come and
feelings go
Unexpected storms
approach
Leaving me to feel
alone once more
The frigidness of
abandonment
Becomes almost too
much to bear
A target for the
bolts of nature crackling across the night
Threatening to strike
if I don’t run
Let me hide and curl
up like those creatures do
In leaves of
insecurity and misunderstanding
Somewhere between
hibernating in numbness
And allowing the dirt
of a path well-traveled to sting my wounds
I see light once more
The clouds no longer
furious faces of complex relationships
The sky no longer a
battleground for the desire
To have power or be
right
Now a place of hope
and promises
Of great things to
come
If only I’m willing
to embrace them
This is my wilderness
More than I could
have expected or fathomed
Simultaneously
accepting my past, living my present, and envisioning my future
I wonder if this is
all just a bizarre dream
Or a string of
possibilities?
Like it or not, this
is real life
My life and mine to
create
Let it be so
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