In other words...I have a pretty bad case of the winter blues.
It's tough to say how long this kind of thing actually lasts for me; usually it begins a little after new years, comes to a standstill around my birthday (which happens to be coming up, by the way) and there's no telling when exactly it will end.
This time in particular, it's an insanely frustrating thing to deal with. I won't go into exact details right now, but I've been experiencing bouts of anger with someone in my life (or not so much anymore, to put it that way) and admit that I'm having a difficult time getting past that. I think it's because I have to see this person every day and they won't even go so far as to even say hello or look at me. It would be easier if this person wasn't one of my closest friends (at school) and if I did get to see my other close friends every single day (reason being is because we don't even go to the same school. ha). But truthfully I feel more hurt than I do anger. I don't understand, and maybe I never will. I guess it's one of those things where I simply have to suck it up and move forward, regardless of how much I hate to do so.
Yet the good thing that's been coming out of all this stuff (and then some) is that I'm beginning to find my faith again. Faith and spirituality are two things that have been pretty absent from my daily life since the summer before junior year, and I'm grateful for the realization as to how much I really do need it. At this moment I'm trying to focus on finding "the joy in the junk" (a phrase that one of my old youth leaders used to say) and finding hope in what cannot be seen.
Other good things that have been going on...
- I recieved $1500 dollars from the University I'll be attending next year. Yes, it's not much in today's standards, but it's something! And hopefully I might just be getting more in the coming months from other independent scholarships I've applied for.
- I made a Bucket list of sorts; if anyone is willing to take me out for sushi, Thai or Greek food, please say so! haha I have about a half a dozen other things on there as well :)
- My eighteenth birthday is only about a week and a half away
- I have my Mommy; yes I will call her that! she has been the one sitting with me and letting me cry out all the tears over the last few weeks or so. And a note to all seniors or ones that will be seniors, learn to appreciate your parents!
- Getting text messeges and/or being able to spend time with friends that I don't see that often; sometimes just texting someone can put me in the best mood. And even though not seeing them a whole lot is hard, it makes me appreciate them more :)