Day 15-Newness
Did you try anything new in 2012? How did you like it/dislike it?
I used to hate the idea of being alone for long periods of time. It made me feel like if I wasn't constantly surrounded by friends or even people, there was something wrong with me. At first, the idea of getting an apartment on my own signified that I stood out from others, and that I was a failure. But I had a lot of trouble finding someone to live with as it was, and didn't want to run the risk of not having it work out again by just moving in with the first person that agreed.
Fast forward to now, and looking back on the semester, it is one of the best decisions that I've made this year, if not in my entire college career. I love having my own space where everything is a reflection of me. I'm free to come and go as I please, and I'm not dreading what I'm going to find once I walk in the door. There's no tension or bending over backwards to try and keep shit from hitting the fan.
Honestly, it did get lonely the first weekend I was there; I would occasionally wish that I just had someone to talk to, because that was time when everyone was reuniting and catching up from being apart over the summer. And not that I didn't have people to catch up with, but rather they hadn't come back into town yet.
But that ache and that hurt that I used to feel from last year is gone. If I want to spend time with friends and talk to them, I call them up and we make a date to get coffee or lunch. I had a small party for the first time the weekend before finals; it was a send-off for my best friend that is studying abroad next semester, and I felt blessed to be able to host such an event. I pulled together a lot of good food, and we drank wine and just talked for most of the night. Oh, and then there was the crazy dance party for those of us who were still around after midnight! I hope I can have more of those as the school year goes on.
Most importantly though, I need space for myself. I've been going through a lot of healing in the past four months, and it has been extremely beneficial to have that solitude and quiet space in order to reflect. Living alone isn't something that I see as separating myself from those that I care about, but giving me the space and energy that I need in order to be the best person and friend that I can be.
Not having roommates is uncommon, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I have no regrets whatsoever.
December 15, 2012
December 13, 2012
Not Quitting, But Not Accepting
Day 13-Calling It Quits
When Did you really want to call it quits? Did you?
You know, I don't think I really wanted to "quit" anything this year, so to speak. There were relationships where I was ready to boldly proclaim that I was done, while verbally giving that person the finger and getting on with my life. But I can't say I was overly motivated to throw in the towel for anything.
On the other hand, I did ask myself "is this all there is? Where's the line between being content and knowing that you can do and be better? In other words....
Are my emotional struggles because of something that I'm doing or saying, it does it more relate to the kind of people that I'm allowing into my life?
Will I always go through the same cycles over and over again?
Is there a happy medium between optimism and pessimism?
There were moments where I was perfectly OK with feeling like only certain parts of me existed; that I could just take whatever got handed to me and be able to get by in life. I was perfectly fine with never going back to the way I used to be, that innocent little girl with a mile wide grin on her face.
I had been through too much, I reasoned. I didn't want to have to repeatedly explain my past and than watch as people walked away.
I didn't see it as quitting; I saw it as accepting that this was the way things were going to be. There would always be fear and a barrier between me and certain people that I cared about. After all, it's normal for only a few people to know who you really are, right?
Every time I did that, I never felt whole or alive. Intimacy is a huge thing for me, and when I don't have that, it's like a big part of me is missing.
I will write more about it when my brain doesn't feel like a fried egg (it's finals week around here). This has taken weeks, if not months to contemplate and process. A lot of it is going to be very deep, and maybe even somewhat difficult to take in But it is something that I want to share in the coming days of Reverb.
I'm ready to let it all go.
When Did you really want to call it quits? Did you?
You know, I don't think I really wanted to "quit" anything this year, so to speak. There were relationships where I was ready to boldly proclaim that I was done, while verbally giving that person the finger and getting on with my life. But I can't say I was overly motivated to throw in the towel for anything.
On the other hand, I did ask myself "is this all there is? Where's the line between being content and knowing that you can do and be better? In other words....
Are my emotional struggles because of something that I'm doing or saying, it does it more relate to the kind of people that I'm allowing into my life?
Will I always go through the same cycles over and over again?
Is there a happy medium between optimism and pessimism?
There were moments where I was perfectly OK with feeling like only certain parts of me existed; that I could just take whatever got handed to me and be able to get by in life. I was perfectly fine with never going back to the way I used to be, that innocent little girl with a mile wide grin on her face.
I had been through too much, I reasoned. I didn't want to have to repeatedly explain my past and than watch as people walked away.
I didn't see it as quitting; I saw it as accepting that this was the way things were going to be. There would always be fear and a barrier between me and certain people that I cared about. After all, it's normal for only a few people to know who you really are, right?
Every time I did that, I never felt whole or alive. Intimacy is a huge thing for me, and when I don't have that, it's like a big part of me is missing.
I will write more about it when my brain doesn't feel like a fried egg (it's finals week around here). This has taken weeks, if not months to contemplate and process. A lot of it is going to be very deep, and maybe even somewhat difficult to take in But it is something that I want to share in the coming days of Reverb.
I'm ready to let it all go.
December 12, 2012
A Bookworm in Hiding
Day 12-Books
I absolutely love reading! Unfortunately I did not get to read for pleasure this year as much as I would have liked to (being an English major, there's a lot of it that's required, which leaves little time for other stuff). However, that's not to say I didn't read at all. Here are some that I would definitely recommend, if you haven't read them already.
In no particular order...
Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)-it's technically a Christian journaling devotional, but it can be read like a book. I started reading it over the summer and felt like I got more out of that than actual attending a regular church service on Sunday. Not to say that books should replace community! Whether you believe in God or not, I would definitely recommend it.
Stories I Only Tell My Friends (Rob Lowe)-I'm a big fan of memoirs, especially those written by celebrities. I feel like it's a good way to find out more about them, other than the sleazy stuff we hear in the grocery gossip magazines. I've seen a few of his brat pack films and watched him on Brothers and Sisters every once in a while, and his life sounded fascinating.
The Best Of Me (Nicholas Sparks)-Definitely not THE best novel he's ever written. The story seemed to follow the same old formula, and the ending was a little predictable. I'd say read Safe Haven and save this one for when you absolutely need something to read.
Through My Eyes (Tim Tebow)-OK, whether you're a fan of his football playing abilities or not, there's no denying that this man is one of a kind. I was in awe (and a little teary eyed) as the book went on, and I think I read it in about two days. Very inspirational!!
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings (Dr. Maya Angelou)-This was more for a class, but I found it interesting nonetheless. She's definitely someone I can picture sitting on a front porch with and talking all day to.
The Gospel Side Of Elvis (Joe Moscheo)-Celebrities and spirituality are a pretty common theme for me. I love Elvis Presley as a musician, and have always been interested in the way that he viewed God and spiritual manners in general, since he did record a few gospel albums. Beautifully written and a great look at a different side of a legend.
Coming Home (Karen Kingsbury)-The final installment of The Baxter Family Series. If you haven't read any of her work, start with Redemption and go from there. The characters in every book are amazing and well written. But bring the tissues, and a lot of them!
Ehh....(meaning, I put it down halfway through)
Her Daughter's Dream (Francine Rivers)-I liked Her Mother's Hope a lot better; again, it was pretty predictable. A typical child prodigal story set in the 1960's counter-culture of California. And nothing will ever compare to Redeeming Love.
The Power of A Praying Woman (Stormie Martin)- a lot of people in my church really enjoyed this, so I thought I would check it out. I was also struggling with prayer at the time that I picked it up, but it didn't seem to offer a whole lot in terms of how to pray. That's when I started reading Jesus Calling.
Oh No I Didn't.....
Before everybody jumps back in horror, I assure you that I'm not recommending it at all. For the sake of wanting to know what it was about before giving out any criticism (as many faith-based and church groups were doing) I did read the first ten chapters of Fifty Shades of Grey. It was dumb. To each their own, but the whole premise was so damn dumb that I threw it under my bed and didn't pick it up until my Mom wanted to let her friend borrow it. Basing it off of Twilight takes it to a definite negative. The writing is terrible, and I will never understand anyone that says it was the best book they've ever read. Please, go pick something with substance. I would go on about the whole idea of blaming fiction for our culture's views on relationships, but that's for another time.
What were some of your favorites that you read this year? So so? Down right terrible?
I absolutely love reading! Unfortunately I did not get to read for pleasure this year as much as I would have liked to (being an English major, there's a lot of it that's required, which leaves little time for other stuff). However, that's not to say I didn't read at all. Here are some that I would definitely recommend, if you haven't read them already.
In no particular order...
Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)-it's technically a Christian journaling devotional, but it can be read like a book. I started reading it over the summer and felt like I got more out of that than actual attending a regular church service on Sunday. Not to say that books should replace community! Whether you believe in God or not, I would definitely recommend it.
Stories I Only Tell My Friends (Rob Lowe)-I'm a big fan of memoirs, especially those written by celebrities. I feel like it's a good way to find out more about them, other than the sleazy stuff we hear in the grocery gossip magazines. I've seen a few of his brat pack films and watched him on Brothers and Sisters every once in a while, and his life sounded fascinating.
The Best Of Me (Nicholas Sparks)-Definitely not THE best novel he's ever written. The story seemed to follow the same old formula, and the ending was a little predictable. I'd say read Safe Haven and save this one for when you absolutely need something to read.
Through My Eyes (Tim Tebow)-OK, whether you're a fan of his football playing abilities or not, there's no denying that this man is one of a kind. I was in awe (and a little teary eyed) as the book went on, and I think I read it in about two days. Very inspirational!!
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings (Dr. Maya Angelou)-This was more for a class, but I found it interesting nonetheless. She's definitely someone I can picture sitting on a front porch with and talking all day to.
The Gospel Side Of Elvis (Joe Moscheo)-Celebrities and spirituality are a pretty common theme for me. I love Elvis Presley as a musician, and have always been interested in the way that he viewed God and spiritual manners in general, since he did record a few gospel albums. Beautifully written and a great look at a different side of a legend.
Coming Home (Karen Kingsbury)-The final installment of The Baxter Family Series. If you haven't read any of her work, start with Redemption and go from there. The characters in every book are amazing and well written. But bring the tissues, and a lot of them!
Ehh....(meaning, I put it down halfway through)
Her Daughter's Dream (Francine Rivers)-I liked Her Mother's Hope a lot better; again, it was pretty predictable. A typical child prodigal story set in the 1960's counter-culture of California. And nothing will ever compare to Redeeming Love.
The Power of A Praying Woman (Stormie Martin)- a lot of people in my church really enjoyed this, so I thought I would check it out. I was also struggling with prayer at the time that I picked it up, but it didn't seem to offer a whole lot in terms of how to pray. That's when I started reading Jesus Calling.
Oh No I Didn't.....
Before everybody jumps back in horror, I assure you that I'm not recommending it at all. For the sake of wanting to know what it was about before giving out any criticism (as many faith-based and church groups were doing) I did read the first ten chapters of Fifty Shades of Grey. It was dumb. To each their own, but the whole premise was so damn dumb that I threw it under my bed and didn't pick it up until my Mom wanted to let her friend borrow it. Basing it off of Twilight takes it to a definite negative. The writing is terrible, and I will never understand anyone that says it was the best book they've ever read. Please, go pick something with substance. I would go on about the whole idea of blaming fiction for our culture's views on relationships, but that's for another time.
What were some of your favorites that you read this year? So so? Down right terrible?
December 11, 2012
Unavoidable Loss
Day 11-Disappointment
What did you find yourself most disappointed by? How did you handle it?
We had gone from being friends to being roommates in a little over a year. It had been an extremely rock road, but I hoped and prayed that the pavement would be a little bit smoother, and when the semester ended we'd be able to leave things on a good note. Unfortunately, that would not turn out to be the case.
I had known for a long while that we weren't going to be the best of friends, at least not in the way we had been before we lived together. The disappointment stemmed from the constant clashing with one another. It was painfully obvious that we had different personalities and different views on life. That made it almost impossible to set boundaries, especially emotional ones. The biggest issue, as I've stated before, was communicating clearly with each other. And every time I tried to do what I thought I was right, I'd get it all thrown back in my face.
And up until I moved out, she was always one step ahead of me.
There was days where I handled it well, and days where I did not. I clearly remember getting on the phone time and again with my Mom (and occasionally, my Dad) and yelling every curse word in the book regarding how miserable the whole thing was. I learned to make the most of the nights when I had the place to myself, but detested the awkward environment when we'd go days (at one period, close to a week) without speaking to each other.
But that's not where the disappointment came from. You see, we had opened up to one another shortly before agreeing to get a place together. Admittedly, the first thing I thought of was being able to have a best friend, as roommates sometimes are. But I genuinely wanted to help her and be there for her. Maybe, if I was a good enough example, she could heal from her own pain.
That bubble burst within the first month. Although it did take me a few to fully understand that you can only be so empathetic to another person's situation, and that there are definite issues that go beyond the act of sitting down and having a heart to heart.
But I still felt like I failed; like I wasn't a good person. More so, like I wasn't a good friend.
We hardly ever speak anymore. I forgave her a long time ago, but mostly for the sake of being able to move on with my life. I have thought about reaching out to her and mending our broken relationship, but I'm very hesitant about that right now. I don't feel that I'm in a place where I'm emotionally capable of trying to do that, particularly because I'm still in the midst of my own healing. And I want to be sure of her wanting to put effort into it as well.
It was certainly a loss of closeness, that I know. But it was also a loss for the both of us, because no matter what either of us did, the situation never really improved. For now I thank God for the positive that came out of it, and to this day, choose not to have any regrets.
What did you find yourself most disappointed by? How did you handle it?
We had gone from being friends to being roommates in a little over a year. It had been an extremely rock road, but I hoped and prayed that the pavement would be a little bit smoother, and when the semester ended we'd be able to leave things on a good note. Unfortunately, that would not turn out to be the case.
I had known for a long while that we weren't going to be the best of friends, at least not in the way we had been before we lived together. The disappointment stemmed from the constant clashing with one another. It was painfully obvious that we had different personalities and different views on life. That made it almost impossible to set boundaries, especially emotional ones. The biggest issue, as I've stated before, was communicating clearly with each other. And every time I tried to do what I thought I was right, I'd get it all thrown back in my face.
And up until I moved out, she was always one step ahead of me.
There was days where I handled it well, and days where I did not. I clearly remember getting on the phone time and again with my Mom (and occasionally, my Dad) and yelling every curse word in the book regarding how miserable the whole thing was. I learned to make the most of the nights when I had the place to myself, but detested the awkward environment when we'd go days (at one period, close to a week) without speaking to each other.
But that's not where the disappointment came from. You see, we had opened up to one another shortly before agreeing to get a place together. Admittedly, the first thing I thought of was being able to have a best friend, as roommates sometimes are. But I genuinely wanted to help her and be there for her. Maybe, if I was a good enough example, she could heal from her own pain.
That bubble burst within the first month. Although it did take me a few to fully understand that you can only be so empathetic to another person's situation, and that there are definite issues that go beyond the act of sitting down and having a heart to heart.
But I still felt like I failed; like I wasn't a good person. More so, like I wasn't a good friend.
We hardly ever speak anymore. I forgave her a long time ago, but mostly for the sake of being able to move on with my life. I have thought about reaching out to her and mending our broken relationship, but I'm very hesitant about that right now. I don't feel that I'm in a place where I'm emotionally capable of trying to do that, particularly because I'm still in the midst of my own healing. And I want to be sure of her wanting to put effort into it as well.
It was certainly a loss of closeness, that I know. But it was also a loss for the both of us, because no matter what either of us did, the situation never really improved. For now I thank God for the positive that came out of it, and to this day, choose not to have any regrets.
December 10, 2012
Country Calling
Day 10-Music
What were some of your favorite songs to listen to?
I'm a big fan of music, and this year provided a lot of great artists to be interested in. However, the one genre I felt drawn to the most was country music. A part of me has always loved it; I grew up dabbling into Garth Brooks, Shania Twain, and Faith Hill as a child. I drifted away from it for a while, but in recent years have grown tired of the typical "get drunk and get laid" party anthem motif that is frequently attached to most pop/rap music these days.
And while country has its share of partying and beer drinking, it's more often then not the less obvious message that the singer or band is trying to present. It has a story.More so, it touches on the simple and important things, such as faith and family.
It comes across as unpopular among a lot of people that I know. Then again, if it was as bad as some make it out to be, I don't think it would have multiple separate award shows.
I listened to a lot of it this year, and wanted to share a few of my favorites. Not everything is recent, a few artists/songs go back a few decades.
Luke Bryan
Country Girl (Shake it for me)---> I put this on my top five favorite songs of all time!
Drunk on You
I Don't Want This Night To End
Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye
Keith Urban
Making Memories Of Us
Someone Like You
Sweet Thing
You're Gonna Fly
Kiss A Girl
Days Go By
....and a lot more!
Hunter Hayes
Wanted (currently my favorite!)
Love Makes Me
Storm Warning
Blake Shelton
God Gave Me You
All About Tonight
Honeybee
Hillbilly Bone
Jason Aldean
My Kinda Party
Don't You Wanna Stay (with Kelly Clarkson)
The Only Way I Know
Crazy Town
Dirt Road Anthem
Lady Antebellum
Own The Night
Need You Now
Our Kind of Love
I Run To You
Dancing Away With My Heart
Kenny Chesney
Young
Come Over
Rockstar (with Tim McGraw)
Beer In Mexico
Somewhere With You
You and Tequila
When The Sun Goes Down
Brad Paisley
This Is Country Music
Southern Comfort Zone
Then
Online
She's Everything
Little Big Town
Tornado
Boondocks
Pontoon
Josh Turner
Time Is Love
Why Don't We Just Dance
Dierks Bentley
5-1-5-0
Come A Little Closer
What was I Thinkin'
Carrie Underwood
Blown Away
All American Girl
Jesus Take The Wheel
Cowboy Casanova
Tim McGraw
Live Like You Were Dying
When The Stars Go Blue
Truck Yeah
It's Your Love
Southern Voice
Fly Away
I Like it, I Love it
And you can't forget the classics....
Johnny Cash
I Walk The Line
Ring Of Fire
Ghost Riders
Jackson
There are so many more I could name! But instead of going on endlessly, I say go over to I-tunes and do a little listening for yourself. Maybe your parents or grandparents have old CD's or records collecting dust and could be put to good use.
For those that already love country music, what are some of your favorites? For those that are perhaps just discovering it, what have you been listening to so far?
What were some of your favorite songs to listen to?
I'm a big fan of music, and this year provided a lot of great artists to be interested in. However, the one genre I felt drawn to the most was country music. A part of me has always loved it; I grew up dabbling into Garth Brooks, Shania Twain, and Faith Hill as a child. I drifted away from it for a while, but in recent years have grown tired of the typical "get drunk and get laid" party anthem motif that is frequently attached to most pop/rap music these days.
And while country has its share of partying and beer drinking, it's more often then not the less obvious message that the singer or band is trying to present. It has a story.More so, it touches on the simple and important things, such as faith and family.
It comes across as unpopular among a lot of people that I know. Then again, if it was as bad as some make it out to be, I don't think it would have multiple separate award shows.
I listened to a lot of it this year, and wanted to share a few of my favorites. Not everything is recent, a few artists/songs go back a few decades.
Luke Bryan
Country Girl (Shake it for me)---> I put this on my top five favorite songs of all time!
Drunk on You
I Don't Want This Night To End
Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye
Keith Urban
Making Memories Of Us
Someone Like You
Sweet Thing
You're Gonna Fly
Kiss A Girl
Days Go By
....and a lot more!
Hunter Hayes
Wanted (currently my favorite!)
Love Makes Me
Storm Warning
Blake Shelton
God Gave Me You
All About Tonight
Honeybee
Hillbilly Bone
Jason Aldean
My Kinda Party
Don't You Wanna Stay (with Kelly Clarkson)
The Only Way I Know
Crazy Town
Dirt Road Anthem
Lady Antebellum
Own The Night
Need You Now
Our Kind of Love
I Run To You
Dancing Away With My Heart
Kenny Chesney
Young
Come Over
Rockstar (with Tim McGraw)
Beer In Mexico
Somewhere With You
You and Tequila
When The Sun Goes Down
Brad Paisley
This Is Country Music
Southern Comfort Zone
Then
Online
She's Everything
Little Big Town
Tornado
Boondocks
Pontoon
Josh Turner
Time Is Love
Why Don't We Just Dance
Dierks Bentley
5-1-5-0
Come A Little Closer
What was I Thinkin'
Carrie Underwood
Blown Away
All American Girl
Jesus Take The Wheel
Cowboy Casanova
Tim McGraw
Live Like You Were Dying
When The Stars Go Blue
Truck Yeah
It's Your Love
Southern Voice
Fly Away
I Like it, I Love it
And you can't forget the classics....
Johnny Cash
I Walk The Line
Ring Of Fire
Ghost Riders
Jackson
There are so many more I could name! But instead of going on endlessly, I say go over to I-tunes and do a little listening for yourself. Maybe your parents or grandparents have old CD's or records collecting dust and could be put to good use.
For those that already love country music, what are some of your favorites? For those that are perhaps just discovering it, what have you been listening to so far?
December 09, 2012
Nothing But Time
Day 9-Gifts
What was the most treasured or special gift that you received this year?
Every Christmas and birthday I usually get a mountain of things, usually beauty products, clothing, and a variety of gift cards. And not to say that those weren't great, or that I'm not grateful for them. But most of it was stuff I eventually used up and could get another container/tube/package of.
You can't always do that with time.
For me, the one gift that I consider the most special, as well as personal, was the gift of time. Not just time to be used, but time to be spent with those that mean the world to me. It was mostly the simple things, like getting a cup of coffee or sharing a meal together, even if it was cafeteria food. Every so often it would be something fancy, like getting dressed up and going out dancing. Crazy family gatherings have always been a highlight as well; if my stomach doesn't get filled up with food, it definitely aches from laughing so hard!
But the biggest blessing of all was the conversation; sharing the raw, intimate, and sometimes difficult truths of what goes on in life. If it's not evident from my recent writings by now, I will say that I've become a lot more content and comfortable with the relationships that I've built over the years. I'm not afraid like I used to be. It's all something that I haven't felt in a very long time.
I do value various kinds of sentiments, such as flowers, jewelry, and cards. But as this year draws to a close, I'm starting to realize that I appreciate and get more out of experiences than I do possessions.
I know that the holiday season often revolves around hours worth of shopping and whatever sales you save money from. But if there's one gift you can (and should) give a loved one this year, it's the gift of time. Take a friend out for lunch or coffee and ask them how they're really doing. Pick a person you interact with but don't know that well, and get to know them. Perform a random act of kindness. Volunteer for something that you're passionate about.
Which is how I want to live in the following year; making incredible memories with the ones that I love. It could be something big like a road trip/vacation, or a small gesture like throwing a send off shindig for a friend. Either way, I want it to be filled with joy and those that have helped me become the person that I am today.
Materialism only lasts for so long; it's the memories that keep what matters alive.
What was the most treasured or special gift that you received this year?
Every Christmas and birthday I usually get a mountain of things, usually beauty products, clothing, and a variety of gift cards. And not to say that those weren't great, or that I'm not grateful for them. But most of it was stuff I eventually used up and could get another container/tube/package of.
You can't always do that with time.
For me, the one gift that I consider the most special, as well as personal, was the gift of time. Not just time to be used, but time to be spent with those that mean the world to me. It was mostly the simple things, like getting a cup of coffee or sharing a meal together, even if it was cafeteria food. Every so often it would be something fancy, like getting dressed up and going out dancing. Crazy family gatherings have always been a highlight as well; if my stomach doesn't get filled up with food, it definitely aches from laughing so hard!
But the biggest blessing of all was the conversation; sharing the raw, intimate, and sometimes difficult truths of what goes on in life. If it's not evident from my recent writings by now, I will say that I've become a lot more content and comfortable with the relationships that I've built over the years. I'm not afraid like I used to be. It's all something that I haven't felt in a very long time.
I do value various kinds of sentiments, such as flowers, jewelry, and cards. But as this year draws to a close, I'm starting to realize that I appreciate and get more out of experiences than I do possessions.
I know that the holiday season often revolves around hours worth of shopping and whatever sales you save money from. But if there's one gift you can (and should) give a loved one this year, it's the gift of time. Take a friend out for lunch or coffee and ask them how they're really doing. Pick a person you interact with but don't know that well, and get to know them. Perform a random act of kindness. Volunteer for something that you're passionate about.
Which is how I want to live in the following year; making incredible memories with the ones that I love. It could be something big like a road trip/vacation, or a small gesture like throwing a send off shindig for a friend. Either way, I want it to be filled with joy and those that have helped me become the person that I am today.
Materialism only lasts for so long; it's the memories that keep what matters alive.
December 08, 2012
What I DON'T Need
Day 8-Unnecessary
What do you find yourself not needing in the upcoming year?
I know that for the last couple of days, my Reverb posts have been list-like and somewhat bland/repetitive. With finals fast approaching, it has been a challenge for me to always write posts that are clear, deep, and engaging when I'm either giving myself a short break between study sessions, or right before I'm about to begin my day. On the other hand, I don't want to write extremely long things every day; personally, I find that tough to sift through as a writer. I ask my dear readers for patience as I finish out this last week of the semester. And thank you!
When comes to any approaching new something in my life (it could be a season, month, year, etc.) I try not to think too much about what I want; there is only so much I can control and be able to make happen, but I also don't want to just sit and accept whatever is handed to me. This is where I find myself thinking about not just want I want, but what I need. And more importantly, what I don't need.
I don't need (major) barriers in relationships. Most of the stress that I felt from 2012 was because of a lack of communication between me and either one or more of my friends. It was the main reason why my relationship with my roommate reached a breaking point; she simply would not talk to me about things, particularly what actually did involve me. And whenever I would attempt to talk to her, I would get shot down. Those types of situations get to be too much. I've realized that I can't stand constantly using Facebook or even Twitter to talk to a friend. Not only is it impersonal, but it can be really confusing if the receiver doesn't get the message in time.
Now it's just coming up with the courage to be honest about how I feel.
I don't need to live in fear. Fear is the one word that clouded this last half of the year, and at times made me want to go hide in a corner and not come out. Whether it be the fear of what others would think about me, or the fear of being attacked or winding up in a bad situation again, it was there. I lived in the spirit of constantly being afraid, and I did not feel like myself at all. I think It's healthy to believe that one is not immune to certain problems or circumstances. But constantly making a point to avoid it can become borderline destructive.
I don't need excuses not to exercise. Honestly, I've been terrible at working out this semester, due to the amount of coursework I had each day or just being flat out tired. Now I'm naturally a thin lady, so those that know me insist that I shouldn't have to work out all the time. I'll be blunt about it: I do have an irrational fear of letting myself go and slipping into a physically unhealthy way of life. Yet it's not just about being healthy, but also feeling healthy. I want to have more energy and feel good. I hate sluggishness and being tired all the time. I need to make fitness a priority, even if it's just in the smallest of ways.
I don't need to constantly be responsible for others' choices or feelings. This is one of those things that I often go back and forth with: if I'm not thinking about or considering the needs of others, I'm selfish. But if I do it too much, I become a door mat and at times put myself in dangerous situations that are difficult to get out of. I wonder if I'm being enough of a positive influence in the lives of my family members, especially the ones that are younger.
In other words, I don't need to be wonder woman. I don't need to be carrying the weight of the entire world on my shoulders.
When you realize what you don't need, it's easier to recognize and take hold of what you do need.
What do you find yourself not needing in the upcoming year?
I know that for the last couple of days, my Reverb posts have been list-like and somewhat bland/repetitive. With finals fast approaching, it has been a challenge for me to always write posts that are clear, deep, and engaging when I'm either giving myself a short break between study sessions, or right before I'm about to begin my day. On the other hand, I don't want to write extremely long things every day; personally, I find that tough to sift through as a writer. I ask my dear readers for patience as I finish out this last week of the semester. And thank you!
When comes to any approaching new something in my life (it could be a season, month, year, etc.) I try not to think too much about what I want; there is only so much I can control and be able to make happen, but I also don't want to just sit and accept whatever is handed to me. This is where I find myself thinking about not just want I want, but what I need. And more importantly, what I don't need.
I don't need (major) barriers in relationships. Most of the stress that I felt from 2012 was because of a lack of communication between me and either one or more of my friends. It was the main reason why my relationship with my roommate reached a breaking point; she simply would not talk to me about things, particularly what actually did involve me. And whenever I would attempt to talk to her, I would get shot down. Those types of situations get to be too much. I've realized that I can't stand constantly using Facebook or even Twitter to talk to a friend. Not only is it impersonal, but it can be really confusing if the receiver doesn't get the message in time.
Now it's just coming up with the courage to be honest about how I feel.
I don't need to live in fear. Fear is the one word that clouded this last half of the year, and at times made me want to go hide in a corner and not come out. Whether it be the fear of what others would think about me, or the fear of being attacked or winding up in a bad situation again, it was there. I lived in the spirit of constantly being afraid, and I did not feel like myself at all. I think It's healthy to believe that one is not immune to certain problems or circumstances. But constantly making a point to avoid it can become borderline destructive.
I don't need excuses not to exercise. Honestly, I've been terrible at working out this semester, due to the amount of coursework I had each day or just being flat out tired. Now I'm naturally a thin lady, so those that know me insist that I shouldn't have to work out all the time. I'll be blunt about it: I do have an irrational fear of letting myself go and slipping into a physically unhealthy way of life. Yet it's not just about being healthy, but also feeling healthy. I want to have more energy and feel good. I hate sluggishness and being tired all the time. I need to make fitness a priority, even if it's just in the smallest of ways.
I don't need to constantly be responsible for others' choices or feelings. This is one of those things that I often go back and forth with: if I'm not thinking about or considering the needs of others, I'm selfish. But if I do it too much, I become a door mat and at times put myself in dangerous situations that are difficult to get out of. I wonder if I'm being enough of a positive influence in the lives of my family members, especially the ones that are younger.
In other words, I don't need to be wonder woman. I don't need to be carrying the weight of the entire world on my shoulders.
When you realize what you don't need, it's easier to recognize and take hold of what you do need.
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