This has been quite a common theme in my life since being on campus; actually now that I think about it's, been a theme for the past eighteen or so years. The only difference is that it's become more significant at this stage in my life, this being because I am much more physically active than ever. I'm still adjusting to various things around here, and it's taken awhile for me to be honest with myself in regards to just how sensitive I am to this "new world" so to speak.
During the first couple of weeks of college, I felt like a little kid in a candy store; I could go where I wanted to go and not really have to depend on anyone to get me there. I often went to bed at midnight or later most of the time and didn't really care how I felt the next day. I was grabbing every opportunity I could to just be social and be doing something.
Then labor day weekend came around and I was beginning to crash. My friends and I had gone to the football game that day and had a dance party in the dorms later that night. It got to a point where I began to cough over and over again and knew that I was going to get sick.
Needless to say, I was right.
At first I thought that it was dehydration, because that tends to happen to me very easily when I'm moving around quite a bit. After I lost both lunch and dinner, I figured that the stomach flu was going around. Yet when the stomach aches lasted for a couple of days, I knew deep down sickness wasn't the issue. It was stress, and ultimately exhaustion.
Taking care of myself (on both physical and emotional levels) has probably been one of the most frustrating issues since I've been on my own. Back home, I never really went out, unless you count football games, movies, and getting coffee. These days, there is so much to do and so many more options to choose from. I want to be able to soak up every minute of it and appreciate it while I can.
A part of me still holds onto that "wonder-woman" mentality; that now that I'm older, I should be physically stronger. If I am physically stronger, I should be able to handle this kind of stuff a lot easier. And by stuff, I mean staying out late (and often), walking from one side of campus to the other, and just college itself. If I chose rest or even take a nap, I would miss out something.
I have defied the odds repeatedly as a young girl. Why stop now?
Again, it's a harder choice to make then one can imagine. There are times where I like to ignore or completely forget that I have a mild handicap. I tend to view myself as "half and half." This means that I may have physical limitations, but that doesn't entirely make up who I am. I think that's why I don't usually tell people unless I have to, or they ask about it. I don't want to be defined by my body. I want to be defined by my heart, my personality and my character.
I frequently forget how everyone does have their own set of weaknesses and limitations. We all have our own wants and needs. But as twisted as this sounds, what we want is not always what we need. Half of the time, what we need is never what we want.
I have been learning so much as of right now, and it in turn is helping me to grow and mature. In hindsight, it's important to know your limits and give yourself a break. To set boundaries and stick to them. To get right back up again when you fall down. To make time for what you love. Most importantly, to understand that You CANNOT do it alone!
I am thankful for the friends that I've made thus far; for accepting me and listening to what I have to say, even when my opinions and reasons aren't always rational. I'm thankful for the sacrifices that my parents are making in order for me to be here, and I want them to be proud of me.
The worst way one can fail at living life is not taking care of themselves. It's still a day by day process, but nevertheless, I am making progress.
November 03, 2010
September 14, 2010
Natural
It's been awhile since I've posted here, that I know. Since coming to college, I've been on the go more than I'm used to, which has good advantages as well as not so good. In the first few weeks of being here, I have felt a certain kind of joy that I haven't felt in the last couple of years. Maybe it's because I'm finally in a place where I want to be; a place where I'm one hundred percent comfortable with being myself. I don't have any doubts or questions whatsoever about being on campus.
And if anyone were to ask me to describe how this whole experience in one word, only this comes to mind: natural.
Since I've gotten here, it's as thought everything has been coming together like pieces of a puzzle; I'm on a floor with a wonderful group of people, whom in the last few weeks have pretty much become a second family to me; we're a pretty rambunctious and somewhat crazy group of eighteen-nineteen year-olds, but I think we're all perfectly fine with that (or at least I am). When going out, I haven't felt pushed or prodded to explain myself physically; if ever I need help walking up or down a set of stairs, or holding onto somebody's arm to keep up, they're willing. For the most part, I don't hesitate to ask for assistance in regards to certain things, such as doing my hair or carrying my books. It's wonderful knowing that I've finally gelled with a group of people, as though I finally belong.
Walking around campus, I am constantly looking around this picturesque place and asking myself "Is this really real? am I really here?" There are many moments where I've stopped to take it all in and thank God for such an opportunity is that. Call this corny or cliche, but I teared up at the freshman convocation at the realization of how I truly am blessed to be here. No, I wouldn't call it lucky at all, because being in college isn't about luck. It's an opportunity that you have to continuously work for, and as the saying goes, you reap what you so.
And it's definitely not like high school, at least in my eyes. There are no walls to feel confined or suffocated by, that of which in the past has driven me to hide and not be who I really am. There are so many opportunities and things to choose from that are like a breath of fresh air; as though there is no limit to what you can do or who you can be. I'm meeting and getting to know new people almost every day.
Yet I'm not going to go on and act like everything has been full of sunshine and roses, because that's definitely not the case. There has been a lot of adjusting, that of which I have to remind myself that it takes more than three weeks just to get used to it all. I'm not going to go into the details during this particular entry, but there have been struggles and hardships as well. The best thing that I'm probably taking out of that side of thing is a heavy amount of emotional growth and maturity. I don't feel like I'm the same person that I was before I came here.
Regardless, I must remind myself not to lose focus of my main reason for coming to this University; that being to get an education. As my mother would say, everything else is just icing on the cake. No matter what though, I am loving every minute of it!
And if anyone were to ask me to describe how this whole experience in one word, only this comes to mind: natural.
Since I've gotten here, it's as thought everything has been coming together like pieces of a puzzle; I'm on a floor with a wonderful group of people, whom in the last few weeks have pretty much become a second family to me; we're a pretty rambunctious and somewhat crazy group of eighteen-nineteen year-olds, but I think we're all perfectly fine with that (or at least I am). When going out, I haven't felt pushed or prodded to explain myself physically; if ever I need help walking up or down a set of stairs, or holding onto somebody's arm to keep up, they're willing. For the most part, I don't hesitate to ask for assistance in regards to certain things, such as doing my hair or carrying my books. It's wonderful knowing that I've finally gelled with a group of people, as though I finally belong.
Walking around campus, I am constantly looking around this picturesque place and asking myself "Is this really real? am I really here?" There are many moments where I've stopped to take it all in and thank God for such an opportunity is that. Call this corny or cliche, but I teared up at the freshman convocation at the realization of how I truly am blessed to be here. No, I wouldn't call it lucky at all, because being in college isn't about luck. It's an opportunity that you have to continuously work for, and as the saying goes, you reap what you so.
And it's definitely not like high school, at least in my eyes. There are no walls to feel confined or suffocated by, that of which in the past has driven me to hide and not be who I really am. There are so many opportunities and things to choose from that are like a breath of fresh air; as though there is no limit to what you can do or who you can be. I'm meeting and getting to know new people almost every day.
Yet I'm not going to go on and act like everything has been full of sunshine and roses, because that's definitely not the case. There has been a lot of adjusting, that of which I have to remind myself that it takes more than three weeks just to get used to it all. I'm not going to go into the details during this particular entry, but there have been struggles and hardships as well. The best thing that I'm probably taking out of that side of thing is a heavy amount of emotional growth and maturity. I don't feel like I'm the same person that I was before I came here.
Regardless, I must remind myself not to lose focus of my main reason for coming to this University; that being to get an education. As my mother would say, everything else is just icing on the cake. No matter what though, I am loving every minute of it!
August 19, 2010
Don't Forget to Remember Me
I am pretty much all packed and ready to go; my clothes are now stuffed into a number of duffle bags, while toiletries, food and other knick-knacks have filled various rubber-maid containers to the brim, thus leaving little room in the car.
The last four days have been strange and incredibly special for me at the same time. There were moments where I felt like my brain would explode from the ever-growing list of things that needed to get done, yet at the same time I began to notice certain things in a different way. The way my Mother hugged me, for instance, once felt stale and annoying throughout junior high and high school. Now realizing that I won't have her there that often makes me want to be a child again at times, where Mommy and Daddy made everything feel safe just by them being there. As I was saying goodbye to some extended family members, I walked around the kitchen and thought of all the birthdays that I was there for, and all those that I wouldn't be there for. Since the beginning of the week, all I've been thinking is "I'm gonna miss this"
It's funny how during the school year, most kids my age were driving themselves crazy from wanting to graduate so badly and be done with high school; they were eager to finally break out of their cacoons and go off into the world as brand-new butterflies. They (myself included) are now beginning to see just how good it really was. And I'm not really talking about being in high school; I'm talking about being surrounded by things and people that have felt familiar for such a long time. Personally, I have felt so blessed by those that God has placed in my life up to this point, as well as by the experiences that I've gone through. There have been difficult periods, but they were periods that if anything produced perseverance and strength, as well as courage and faith.
After I graduated high school, I thought that in itself was too good to be true. But as I am now closing one chapter and beginning another, I've come to the conclusion that going to college is the true accomplishment to be marveled at. And not only that, but I feel as though I must give thanks; to show gratitude to those that prayed for me, encouraged me and just supported me throughout these last nine months. I wouldn't where I am now if not for those blessings.
This new path stretched out before me is a long one, and I cannot tell as of right now what I will accomplish, what mistakes I'll make, or what obstacles I'll come across. I do know that first and foremost, I am going to get an education to become a better writer. But in the midst of that, I want to be able to experience all there the wonderful opportunities and crazy moments that come with being a college student. I want to grow not only emotionally and intellectually, but spiritually as well. Despite my faith having been on the backburner for quite sometimes, I know now as to how much I really need God in my life. I need to have that kind of solid foundation to stand on.
I've been frequently asked as to whether or not I am nervous: in some respect, I am weary of certain aspects. I fear of not doing well academically, and more so not having very much energy on most days. I want to study effectively and still have enough energy to socialize with others. I keep telling myself that I have put the past behind me, but somehow I feel like my long-time habits will keep getting in the way, thus keeping myself from making the most of this exciting time in my life.
My one hope and prayer (as of right now) is to develop a routine that works for me and that I can be comfortable with. I also want to be able to find a solid group of friends that I can laugh with, cry with, and spend the next four years going on crazy and wild adventures together. Don't get me wrong, I had friends in high school; but for one reason or another, many of them weren't in my life for very long. There was always this barrier, whether it was age, personality, involvement in activities, school, etc. I never felt like I really like I had a consistent group of people who accepted me and supported me. And I don't want to have people just bless me; I want to be a blessing to them as well.
I don't want to just survive like I did during most of my high school career. I know that there will be both good and bad times, but I want to thrive on whatever comes my way.
So for now, I can only sum up how I feel by the words of Carrie Underwood:
Hey momma, don't forget:
to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell me-maw that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me
to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell me-maw that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me
August 06, 2010
Life Lessons From Colorado
I just recently returned from having some vacation time in Colorado; if I could pick two words to describe the entire experience in itself, they would be beyond beautiful. At times, I felt as though that I wasn't in another part of the country, but an entirely different planet in itself.
Like all of my travels, I like to reflect on my experiences and what I learned from them. However, the hardest part is not trying to pick life lessons out of one particular week, but to actually put them into practice once resuming the usual routine.
I'll admit that I wasn't very keen on going to Colorado when this trip was in it's planning stages; My siblings and I been have spoiled rotten when it comes to travel destinations (My brother and I have been to Disney World about four times, visited the Caribbean Islands when we were both just going into grade school, and we went to Cancun the summer before my junior year). I'd gotten so used to staying at some of the best resorts and floundering around on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. To me, a vacation meant sand, sun and perhaps a fruity little chic drink to go with it. At the time, I so desperately wanted a plane ticket to either California or Arizona for graduation.
But the more I (or should I say, my parents) researched, the more I warmed up to the idea of hiking up a mountain and battling whitewater rapids. After all, they'd been on my bucket list (if you want to call it that) for quite some time.After a seventeen-hour car ride, that's exactly what we did, and more.
The one thing I generally enjoyed about those four days was that they related to what has become the theme of the last couple of months: different, but in a good way. I am normally accustomed to beaches, amusement parks and luxurious hotels. This time, we stayed in a quaint Comfort Inn, (well technically two, since we moved from one town to the other to be closer to the attractions) sipped mediocre coffee in the morning, and practically wore ourselves out by the end of each day. There was very few opportunities to sun-tan, but there was no humidity or pesky misquitoes to constantly slap. The air pressure was something new and it took a bit to adjust, but it was worth it when getting to take in the incredible views that nature had to offer.
But like other getaways that I've taken in the past, it didn't come without a lesson or two. On the last day we were there, I was climbing a rock formation at the Garden of the Gods (a nature center that can almost be mistaken for Sedona) with an intent on taking pictures at the top. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking down and thought to myself "Dear Lord, please do not let me fall!" while gripping the rocks to the point where my knuckles turned white. Actually, this was the case for almost everything we did; I had to be holding onto something or someone that could keep me in a position to where I wouldn't lose my balance and fall. It was always the mantra of take plenty of pictures and get down promptly. The one thing I regret was not taking a whole lot of time to marvel and take in the amazing creations before me.
And too often this has related to many situations in my life; since my early teen years, I've fought long and hard battles with my personal self-esteem. Confidence does not come easy, and there were periods that I didn't have any. Now that I'm getting older, I constantly question my abilities in regards to certain physical tasks. The thing is, I know that I'm capable of making my own meals (and I mean actually cooking) and taking care of myself. My biggest issue is actually believing I am. This is especially difficult when I make mistakes and screw up; as much as I hate to say this, there are moments when I think that I am more of a burden then a blessing to my loved ones. This is especially true when I have to hear my own brother remark about how I am not going to survive a semester at college, or when my mother gives me a lecture about whatever the heck I did wrong for the umpteenth time. Deep down, I realize that I am not; but it most definitely feels that way at times.
And though I am probably contradicting what I said above, I once again came to the conclusion that life really isn't all that complicated; or at the very least, it doesn't have to be. I hear so many people (especially girls) bitch and moan about the so-called drama in their lives. In all honesty, I believe that when one constantly refers to a bad situation that they're in, they're the ones making it worse. Stop dwelling on things that are ultimately out of your control.
As for me personally, I know that I worry and stress more then I need to. I can either look at what's happening in the world and get discouraged, or I can use it as a motivation to actually make a change. I can wholeheartedly believe society's stereotypes, or I can defy them and make a life for myself. I can muddle in our financial struggles and fear about not having enough money or my bank account, or I can budget wisely and know that whatever happens, God will give me all that I need.
Life may be a climb, but it's something that should be enjoyed, not feared.
Like all of my travels, I like to reflect on my experiences and what I learned from them. However, the hardest part is not trying to pick life lessons out of one particular week, but to actually put them into practice once resuming the usual routine.
I'll admit that I wasn't very keen on going to Colorado when this trip was in it's planning stages; My siblings and I been have spoiled rotten when it comes to travel destinations (My brother and I have been to Disney World about four times, visited the Caribbean Islands when we were both just going into grade school, and we went to Cancun the summer before my junior year). I'd gotten so used to staying at some of the best resorts and floundering around on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. To me, a vacation meant sand, sun and perhaps a fruity little chic drink to go with it. At the time, I so desperately wanted a plane ticket to either California or Arizona for graduation.
But the more I (or should I say, my parents) researched, the more I warmed up to the idea of hiking up a mountain and battling whitewater rapids. After all, they'd been on my bucket list (if you want to call it that) for quite some time.After a seventeen-hour car ride, that's exactly what we did, and more.
The one thing I generally enjoyed about those four days was that they related to what has become the theme of the last couple of months: different, but in a good way. I am normally accustomed to beaches, amusement parks and luxurious hotels. This time, we stayed in a quaint Comfort Inn, (well technically two, since we moved from one town to the other to be closer to the attractions) sipped mediocre coffee in the morning, and practically wore ourselves out by the end of each day. There was very few opportunities to sun-tan, but there was no humidity or pesky misquitoes to constantly slap. The air pressure was something new and it took a bit to adjust, but it was worth it when getting to take in the incredible views that nature had to offer.
But like other getaways that I've taken in the past, it didn't come without a lesson or two. On the last day we were there, I was climbing a rock formation at the Garden of the Gods (a nature center that can almost be mistaken for Sedona) with an intent on taking pictures at the top. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking down and thought to myself "Dear Lord, please do not let me fall!" while gripping the rocks to the point where my knuckles turned white. Actually, this was the case for almost everything we did; I had to be holding onto something or someone that could keep me in a position to where I wouldn't lose my balance and fall. It was always the mantra of take plenty of pictures and get down promptly. The one thing I regret was not taking a whole lot of time to marvel and take in the amazing creations before me.
And too often this has related to many situations in my life; since my early teen years, I've fought long and hard battles with my personal self-esteem. Confidence does not come easy, and there were periods that I didn't have any. Now that I'm getting older, I constantly question my abilities in regards to certain physical tasks. The thing is, I know that I'm capable of making my own meals (and I mean actually cooking) and taking care of myself. My biggest issue is actually believing I am. This is especially difficult when I make mistakes and screw up; as much as I hate to say this, there are moments when I think that I am more of a burden then a blessing to my loved ones. This is especially true when I have to hear my own brother remark about how I am not going to survive a semester at college, or when my mother gives me a lecture about whatever the heck I did wrong for the umpteenth time. Deep down, I realize that I am not; but it most definitely feels that way at times.
And though I am probably contradicting what I said above, I once again came to the conclusion that life really isn't all that complicated; or at the very least, it doesn't have to be. I hear so many people (especially girls) bitch and moan about the so-called drama in their lives. In all honesty, I believe that when one constantly refers to a bad situation that they're in, they're the ones making it worse. Stop dwelling on things that are ultimately out of your control.
As for me personally, I know that I worry and stress more then I need to. I can either look at what's happening in the world and get discouraged, or I can use it as a motivation to actually make a change. I can wholeheartedly believe society's stereotypes, or I can defy them and make a life for myself. I can muddle in our financial struggles and fear about not having enough money or my bank account, or I can budget wisely and know that whatever happens, God will give me all that I need.
Life may be a climb, but it's something that should be enjoyed, not feared.
July 26, 2010
Technolgism
My Mother sent me an e-mail a couple of weeks ago that was titled "To the under-forty crowd" about how lucky my generation has been in regards to technology and how easy it has made our lives. There's a lot of truth to it; for instance, we can pretty much communicate with anyone we want at any time. We can control what we watch and what we listen to, and for how long and for how much. We can basically have everything we want packed into one little microchip.
I remember the various stages of technology; when I was about eight, my Dad set up my first e-mail account, we still had dial-up, I owned both a regular CD player as well as the portable version. To answer the phone, we had to say "Hello, (last name) residence!" because you couldn't see who was calling.
When I was eleven I got The Sims Deluxe Edition for my birthday, which I was once spent about seven hours per day playing. Virtually being able to control other people's lives was the easiest cure for boredom, but would become the cause for boredom when it began having problems and eventually crashed the computer (Mom, suffice to say, was not very happy about that). She threatened to crack the discs in half many times over.
At thirteen I had my first cell phone, alas it was a trac-phone that you continually added minutes too. I had AIM installed, making in easier to communicate with friends. "Buddy Profiles", as well as having Xanga blogs were pretty popular at the time.
At fourteen I had a flip-phone as well as the fastest computer in the house. And I made a myspace profile and kept in touch with people on there; this is turn started the "New Pictures! Please comment" craze among many girls my age at that time. I realize that I myself did this at that particular time, but talk about low self-esteem! Does one seriously need people to tell them how hot their pictures are in order to feel good? I strongly believe that quite a few of them did. And to look "hot" so to speak, there was no smiling, and a couple hours of photoshopping.
I was given an MP3 player at the end of eighth grade, which eventually led to receiving my brother's old first generation ipod, I got a Nano at some point during freshman year, and after the sound became messed up I returned it (thank goodness for year-long warranty!) I currently own the second generation Nano.
Of all things, I was introduced to Facebook during the summer of my freshman year. Currently, I have skype, and I caved and made myself a twitter account. I'm debating as to whether or not I want to get an Ipod Touch for school, but am going to wait until I come home for the first time to see if I really need it. Oh yeah, and don't forget the blu-ray player in the living room.
Now granted, having these kinds of things makes life ten times more easier, especially in terms of writing and communicating. But this technological frontier also has a dark side; it tends to suck you into a lifestyle that isn't always very healthy.
Let's take Facebook, for example. When I first started using it, I enjoyed being able to keep up with what was going on in my friend's lives, especially the ones that I didn't go to school with. I loved it when people posted on my wall, if only just for the sake of saying hello.
And really, who doesn't love it when people take the time to talk to them? From my freshman through junior year of high school, I was logging on to this cyber network almost ten times per day. If my current crush at the time sent me a message or post on my wall, it pretty much made my day. But if they didn't, or if any of my friends didn't talk to me for a long time, the doubts would set in. Does this person truly like me? Did I do something to make them mad? What's going on? When Facebook started up with the whole chat thing, I would either walk away feeling like I was on cloud nine, or completely pissed off. This was the case when it came to boys, in particular.
Oh and let's not forget texting. During my junior year, I often lost sleep because I stayed up until midnight or later texting people. There was something about being able to have a deep and intelligent conversation with someone underneath the covers with only the light of a phone screen (as risque as that sounds, there's some truth to it). Most nights I fell asleep a happy girl, but there were nights where I also cried to exhaustion as well.
And that's why I call it technologism; because for millions of people, it's addicting. Whether it be with the internet or some type of gadget, they just have to have it.
Since then I've begun to limit myself as to how often I use the internet, at times for how often I even go on the computer. For anything you do in life, balance is the key. It's all right to social network and what not with others, just make sure you're not constantly connected to it. That's why I only go on Facebook, blogger, etc. twice a day and stay away from it while I'm on vacation.
I actually do have a challenge for anyone who reads this: One will claim that they can't survive without television, the computer, and about a half a dozen other things. But previous generations lived without it for at least fifty years, so I do believe that it's possible that my generation can as well.
I remember the various stages of technology; when I was about eight, my Dad set up my first e-mail account, we still had dial-up, I owned both a regular CD player as well as the portable version. To answer the phone, we had to say "Hello, (last name) residence!" because you couldn't see who was calling.
When I was eleven I got The Sims Deluxe Edition for my birthday, which I was once spent about seven hours per day playing. Virtually being able to control other people's lives was the easiest cure for boredom, but would become the cause for boredom when it began having problems and eventually crashed the computer (Mom, suffice to say, was not very happy about that). She threatened to crack the discs in half many times over.
At thirteen I had my first cell phone, alas it was a trac-phone that you continually added minutes too. I had AIM installed, making in easier to communicate with friends. "Buddy Profiles", as well as having Xanga blogs were pretty popular at the time.
At fourteen I had a flip-phone as well as the fastest computer in the house. And I made a myspace profile and kept in touch with people on there; this is turn started the "New Pictures! Please comment" craze among many girls my age at that time. I realize that I myself did this at that particular time, but talk about low self-esteem! Does one seriously need people to tell them how hot their pictures are in order to feel good? I strongly believe that quite a few of them did. And to look "hot" so to speak, there was no smiling, and a couple hours of photoshopping.
I was given an MP3 player at the end of eighth grade, which eventually led to receiving my brother's old first generation ipod, I got a Nano at some point during freshman year, and after the sound became messed up I returned it (thank goodness for year-long warranty!) I currently own the second generation Nano.
Of all things, I was introduced to Facebook during the summer of my freshman year. Currently, I have skype, and I caved and made myself a twitter account. I'm debating as to whether or not I want to get an Ipod Touch for school, but am going to wait until I come home for the first time to see if I really need it. Oh yeah, and don't forget the blu-ray player in the living room.
Now granted, having these kinds of things makes life ten times more easier, especially in terms of writing and communicating. But this technological frontier also has a dark side; it tends to suck you into a lifestyle that isn't always very healthy.
Let's take Facebook, for example. When I first started using it, I enjoyed being able to keep up with what was going on in my friend's lives, especially the ones that I didn't go to school with. I loved it when people posted on my wall, if only just for the sake of saying hello.
And really, who doesn't love it when people take the time to talk to them? From my freshman through junior year of high school, I was logging on to this cyber network almost ten times per day. If my current crush at the time sent me a message or post on my wall, it pretty much made my day. But if they didn't, or if any of my friends didn't talk to me for a long time, the doubts would set in. Does this person truly like me? Did I do something to make them mad? What's going on? When Facebook started up with the whole chat thing, I would either walk away feeling like I was on cloud nine, or completely pissed off. This was the case when it came to boys, in particular.
Oh and let's not forget texting. During my junior year, I often lost sleep because I stayed up until midnight or later texting people. There was something about being able to have a deep and intelligent conversation with someone underneath the covers with only the light of a phone screen (as risque as that sounds, there's some truth to it). Most nights I fell asleep a happy girl, but there were nights where I also cried to exhaustion as well.
And that's why I call it technologism; because for millions of people, it's addicting. Whether it be with the internet or some type of gadget, they just have to have it.
Since then I've begun to limit myself as to how often I use the internet, at times for how often I even go on the computer. For anything you do in life, balance is the key. It's all right to social network and what not with others, just make sure you're not constantly connected to it. That's why I only go on Facebook, blogger, etc. twice a day and stay away from it while I'm on vacation.
I actually do have a challenge for anyone who reads this: One will claim that they can't survive without television, the computer, and about a half a dozen other things. But previous generations lived without it for at least fifty years, so I do believe that it's possible that my generation can as well.
- Instead of sitting in front of the TV and vegging, watching only one hour per day. The rest of the time, go outside, getting a couple of people together (or maybe even a whole group) and play some type of game. If you're able to, go swimming! Go for a walk. Read a book.
- Heck, if you even want to go a bit further, try only watching the local cable channels; Don't use a DVR or Tivo to record anything. If you miss it, well then you miss it. You're life is not going to end just because you didn't get to watch Pretty Little Liars.
- Forgo texting and the internet (for at least one day) to communicate. Keep the cell phone in your room unless you need it. Make an actual phone call. Or why not just walk over and talk to them if you're able to?
- Start keeping an actual journal if you don't have one. If you're a blogger like myself, take a couple of days to write down your own personal thoughts. I have a journal of my own, but haven't kept up with it very much. Write down personal thoughts and feelings that you wouldn't dare share with anyone else.
- Maybe you could even take a break from those earbuds for a bit and crank up the radio. Granted you're not in control of what song comes on, but that's half the fun! You might even find yourself introduced to a new artist or genre because of it.
I know that times are changing and people are inventing new things every day. I'm all for keeping up with it and trying it out at some point or another. I just don't believe in making it an entire lifestyle. There is certainly more to life then just what goes on in the cyber-world.
July 17, 2010
The Other Side
Whenever I've thought about relationships in my life, it was always a never-ending reel about how other people could love me; I would know my Mother loved me if she just listened to my point of view and tried to understand where I was coming from, rather then make assumptions and try to give me advice all the time. I would know my friends loved me if they came to me and were honest about what I did to hurt them, rather than be given the silent treatment and let things sit there until they boiled over. I would know that a boy loved me if he took the time to get to know me rather than just put me in a category right away.
Over the last five years, that attitude and mindset has undergone quite a change.This past year especially, when reality sort of hit me straight in the face and practically yelled It's NOT just about YOU, ya know!!
There are a lot of times where I hear people complaining about how their friends mooch off of them and they don't get anything in return, or the kinds of things they want their present or future significant others to do for them. It got me thinking about various kinds of relationships that people have in their lives; that regardless if it's platonic or romantic, relationships have to involve some kind of giving as well as taking.
I also began to look at the people in my own life, and unfortunately began to feel as though a lot of my own relationships are one-sided. That it's easy to recall the millions of times that people have been there to take care of me; they've allowed me to gush (and occasionally brag) about the good times, rant and rave about the bad, and have given me advice whenever I needed it. It left me with the realization that so many people have done so much for me, but I personally felt like I haven't done very much for them. Granted, this is a very selfish example, but its like I always confide in certain people for advice, but then I get shut out whenever they're dealing with their own issues.
In turn I questioned myself: Am I judgemental toward others without realizing it? Is it due to the fact that I'm an emotional person (and I have a bad habit of worrying too much)? Do they not trust me? Or maybe it's just hard for them to trust anyone, regardless.
Yet in the midst of that kind of insecurity, there is an even bigger (and perhaps more uncomfortable) question to be answered: Does a person want to help others because they truly care for them? Or is it just so for the sake of making yourself feel good? For example, if you see someone trip and fall, are you going to help them up because you really want to, or is it just so you don't go about the rest of your day feeling guilty about not helping them up.
Suffice to say, that "Wonder Woman" mindset that I frequently speak of tends to kick in to more than one gear; whenever I see people that I love suffering or going through a difficult time in their lives, I want to be able to do whatever I can to help.
However, I often forget the reasons as to why I personally don't always talk to even my friends and family members about what goes on in my life; sometimes people are scared to talk about it. It could be that they want to figure it out for themselves before going to anyone else. Or maybe they're just waiting for someone to come to them.
I worry about the fact that I'm not going to be around very much for my sister, who's going into middle school, or my cousins that are both going into high school. I worry about not being able to be there to give advice, or offer words of support, encouragement, and/or comfort.
The harsh reality of it is that sometimes no matter what you do, people will still make there own choices. One can raise a child in a church, a good family, or both and often times they'll still make mistakes or do things that they shouldn't.
Even more, one cannot protect people they love from any kind of pain or hardship. They have to be able to face their own demons and fight their own battles, one way or the other.
Ironic how my name means "Protector of mankind"
When I've come to care about someone romantically, the hardest part is not being able to fully express how much I care about them; in regards to a relationship, I don't think about what I'd like a guy to do for me. I think about how I would like to have the ability and the opportunity to love someone with my whole heart and soul and to take care of them. When it comes to being single, it's not about the lack of what can be given to me. It's what I can give to someone else.
Come to think of it, that's the reason why I hug people so tightly; when I practically squeeze the life out of a friend or family member, it's personal way of saying "I love you, I care about you, and I'm always here for you." And if they don't know that by my verbal words, I hope they will know by my actions.
I guess I just miss being able to connect with people as a whole; I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and had a genuine heart to heart with anyone. It seems like whenever I talk to someone, it's the standard "hello, how are you? I'm fine" type of conversation. There is a huge part of me that constantly wants to ask "no, how are you really doing?" In a way, I'd like to be able forgo superficiality for a little bit.
And I'm not saying that those kinds of things have to happen all the time. No one really wants to sit down day after day and talk about what's going on in there lives; but I'm leaving for college in a few weeks, and I'd like to have the opportunity to let people to know that I care for them and that I'd like to stay in touch with them.
I remember when I wrote a college essay about a close friend of mine that has made a world of difference in my life. After he read it, he commented that he hadn't realized just how much he had done for me.
With that, I've come to this: The greatest things we do in life, whether it be for others or for ourselves, will be often the things that tend to go unrecognized.
There are a lot of times where I hear people complaining about how their friends mooch off of them and they don't get anything in return, or the kinds of things they want their present or future significant others to do for them. It got me thinking about various kinds of relationships that people have in their lives; that regardless if it's platonic or romantic, relationships have to involve some kind of giving as well as taking.
I also began to look at the people in my own life, and unfortunately began to feel as though a lot of my own relationships are one-sided. That it's easy to recall the millions of times that people have been there to take care of me; they've allowed me to gush (and occasionally brag) about the good times, rant and rave about the bad, and have given me advice whenever I needed it. It left me with the realization that so many people have done so much for me, but I personally felt like I haven't done very much for them. Granted, this is a very selfish example, but its like I always confide in certain people for advice, but then I get shut out whenever they're dealing with their own issues.
In turn I questioned myself: Am I judgemental toward others without realizing it? Is it due to the fact that I'm an emotional person (and I have a bad habit of worrying too much)? Do they not trust me? Or maybe it's just hard for them to trust anyone, regardless.
Yet in the midst of that kind of insecurity, there is an even bigger (and perhaps more uncomfortable) question to be answered: Does a person want to help others because they truly care for them? Or is it just so for the sake of making yourself feel good? For example, if you see someone trip and fall, are you going to help them up because you really want to, or is it just so you don't go about the rest of your day feeling guilty about not helping them up.
Suffice to say, that "Wonder Woman" mindset that I frequently speak of tends to kick in to more than one gear; whenever I see people that I love suffering or going through a difficult time in their lives, I want to be able to do whatever I can to help.
However, I often forget the reasons as to why I personally don't always talk to even my friends and family members about what goes on in my life; sometimes people are scared to talk about it. It could be that they want to figure it out for themselves before going to anyone else. Or maybe they're just waiting for someone to come to them.
I worry about the fact that I'm not going to be around very much for my sister, who's going into middle school, or my cousins that are both going into high school. I worry about not being able to be there to give advice, or offer words of support, encouragement, and/or comfort.
The harsh reality of it is that sometimes no matter what you do, people will still make there own choices. One can raise a child in a church, a good family, or both and often times they'll still make mistakes or do things that they shouldn't.
Even more, one cannot protect people they love from any kind of pain or hardship. They have to be able to face their own demons and fight their own battles, one way or the other.
Ironic how my name means "Protector of mankind"
When I've come to care about someone romantically, the hardest part is not being able to fully express how much I care about them; in regards to a relationship, I don't think about what I'd like a guy to do for me. I think about how I would like to have the ability and the opportunity to love someone with my whole heart and soul and to take care of them. When it comes to being single, it's not about the lack of what can be given to me. It's what I can give to someone else.
Come to think of it, that's the reason why I hug people so tightly; when I practically squeeze the life out of a friend or family member, it's personal way of saying "I love you, I care about you, and I'm always here for you." And if they don't know that by my verbal words, I hope they will know by my actions.
I guess I just miss being able to connect with people as a whole; I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and had a genuine heart to heart with anyone. It seems like whenever I talk to someone, it's the standard "hello, how are you? I'm fine" type of conversation. There is a huge part of me that constantly wants to ask "no, how are you really doing?" In a way, I'd like to be able forgo superficiality for a little bit.
And I'm not saying that those kinds of things have to happen all the time. No one really wants to sit down day after day and talk about what's going on in there lives; but I'm leaving for college in a few weeks, and I'd like to have the opportunity to let people to know that I care for them and that I'd like to stay in touch with them.
I remember when I wrote a college essay about a close friend of mine that has made a world of difference in my life. After he read it, he commented that he hadn't realized just how much he had done for me.
With that, I've come to this: The greatest things we do in life, whether it be for others or for ourselves, will be often the things that tend to go unrecognized.
July 08, 2010
Really Now...
I was recently on itunes, just browsing through the new music section to see if there was anything good. As much as I didn't want to, I wound up clicking on Miley Cyrus, just to see if she had actually come up with anything decent this time. Granted, I usually like her; I read her book and she honestly seemed like a down-to-earth person. And, I didn't really mind Hannah Montana as long as my sister wasn't blasting it loud enough to hear it through the walls.
But what I came across at this particular point just bugged me to no end; it wasn't just that she was dressed to work a street corner, or that her latest music video was flat-out weird. It's not that she sounds out of her mind when she talks about being allowed to live on her own, or possibly getting married when she's of legal age.
It's that while she's trying to ditch her tween-friendly image and prove to the world that she's more "adult," she seems to forget that she's only seventeen years old.
There's no denying that whether you're a guy or a girl, everyone goes through that at some point; you want to be independent and not be treated like a child all the time. You're tired of being told what to do and what to believe. When all is said and done, you want to have the ability to live your own life on your own terms. I can understand that, because I'm currently going through that type of experience.
But there are certain ways to go about it; when one constantly shoves themselves in people's faces saying "look at me, I'm all grown up!" those people tend not to pay attention; 1.) they get sick of it really fast 2.) They know that the person is most likely not doing it for themselves, but for the sake of pleasing others. And when you're doing something solely for the purpose of someone else, most of the time it will not turn out the way you want it to.
Another thing that gets overlooked is that these transitions take time. I think teen stars these days would actually be taken more seriously if they actually took the time to mature; maybe step out of the spotlight for a year or two and focus on other interests. Go to prom. Graduate from high school. Go to college and get a degree in another field, because fame doesn't always last forever. Be a mentor to another up and coming artist.
Of course, there is the "well, Britney, Christina, and Lindsay did it...so why can't she?" type of argument. There's definitely some truth to that, but they've always had somewhat of a sexual edge to them, and they were more in their twenties when they began walking around scantily clad and doing strip-teases on stage (I don't condone that in any way, but it's more, shall we say "common" for a woman to do that in their twenties and up than when they're not of legal age). And aside from Christina, who (thankfully) cleaned up her act after awhile, look where the other two ended up; both have partied and been to rehab on multiple occasions, eventually becoming more known for their antics and scandals rather than their movies or music.
Sadly, I have a feeling that this girl has lit a rocket fuse that is only headed for when destination: trouble.
What bugs me even more then celebrities doing this kind of stuff, is kids in general just growing up way too fast. And no, I'm not just talking about the music they listen to or the clothes they wear, despite the fact that both those aspects have become questionable. I'm talking about kids in their late tweens and early teens (possibly even older then that) having this skewed view of adulthood; they believe that once they get older, everything will be just fine and dandy.
Personally, I believe that their is no particular "rite of passage" when it comes to this phase in life. Having sex, for whatever reason, does not make you an adult. Drinking alcohol does not make you an adult. Wearing certain amounts of clothing does not make you an adult. Living on your own, getting married, having babies (or whatever order one chooses to do those things in) does not make you an adult.
In reality, it's all about maturity and how you handle things. Obviously, mistakes will be made and consequences will have to be dealt with. But that's a part of life; take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge that you messed up. At some point, you have to forgive yourself, allow others to forgive you, and move on.
For me, the most rewarding (and hardest part) about being an adult is coming to the realization that it's not all about me; that with whatever choices I make, other people will be affected. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. When I don't make good decisions for myself, I hurt other people as well.
I didn't write this to say that I have it all together, or that I'm perfect. Just because I'm eighteen and going to college doesn't necessarily mean I'm "all grown up" so to speak. I don't believe there to be a specific age where we stop growing, at least emotionally and spiritually. You learn something new about yourself and about the world each and every day.
My main point is that if you want people to see you in a different light, you can't force it or rush into anything. Just be, and the right people will notice and respect you because of it. Don't be in a hurry to grow up, because there will come a point where you're going to wish you were young again.
But what I came across at this particular point just bugged me to no end; it wasn't just that she was dressed to work a street corner, or that her latest music video was flat-out weird. It's not that she sounds out of her mind when she talks about being allowed to live on her own, or possibly getting married when she's of legal age.
It's that while she's trying to ditch her tween-friendly image and prove to the world that she's more "adult," she seems to forget that she's only seventeen years old.
There's no denying that whether you're a guy or a girl, everyone goes through that at some point; you want to be independent and not be treated like a child all the time. You're tired of being told what to do and what to believe. When all is said and done, you want to have the ability to live your own life on your own terms. I can understand that, because I'm currently going through that type of experience.
But there are certain ways to go about it; when one constantly shoves themselves in people's faces saying "look at me, I'm all grown up!" those people tend not to pay attention; 1.) they get sick of it really fast 2.) They know that the person is most likely not doing it for themselves, but for the sake of pleasing others. And when you're doing something solely for the purpose of someone else, most of the time it will not turn out the way you want it to.
Another thing that gets overlooked is that these transitions take time. I think teen stars these days would actually be taken more seriously if they actually took the time to mature; maybe step out of the spotlight for a year or two and focus on other interests. Go to prom. Graduate from high school. Go to college and get a degree in another field, because fame doesn't always last forever. Be a mentor to another up and coming artist.
Of course, there is the "well, Britney, Christina, and Lindsay did it...so why can't she?" type of argument. There's definitely some truth to that, but they've always had somewhat of a sexual edge to them, and they were more in their twenties when they began walking around scantily clad and doing strip-teases on stage (I don't condone that in any way, but it's more, shall we say "common" for a woman to do that in their twenties and up than when they're not of legal age). And aside from Christina, who (thankfully) cleaned up her act after awhile, look where the other two ended up; both have partied and been to rehab on multiple occasions, eventually becoming more known for their antics and scandals rather than their movies or music.
Sadly, I have a feeling that this girl has lit a rocket fuse that is only headed for when destination: trouble.
What bugs me even more then celebrities doing this kind of stuff, is kids in general just growing up way too fast. And no, I'm not just talking about the music they listen to or the clothes they wear, despite the fact that both those aspects have become questionable. I'm talking about kids in their late tweens and early teens (possibly even older then that) having this skewed view of adulthood; they believe that once they get older, everything will be just fine and dandy.
Personally, I believe that their is no particular "rite of passage" when it comes to this phase in life. Having sex, for whatever reason, does not make you an adult. Drinking alcohol does not make you an adult. Wearing certain amounts of clothing does not make you an adult. Living on your own, getting married, having babies (or whatever order one chooses to do those things in) does not make you an adult.
In reality, it's all about maturity and how you handle things. Obviously, mistakes will be made and consequences will have to be dealt with. But that's a part of life; take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge that you messed up. At some point, you have to forgive yourself, allow others to forgive you, and move on.
For me, the most rewarding (and hardest part) about being an adult is coming to the realization that it's not all about me; that with whatever choices I make, other people will be affected. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. When I don't make good decisions for myself, I hurt other people as well.
I didn't write this to say that I have it all together, or that I'm perfect. Just because I'm eighteen and going to college doesn't necessarily mean I'm "all grown up" so to speak. I don't believe there to be a specific age where we stop growing, at least emotionally and spiritually. You learn something new about yourself and about the world each and every day.
My main point is that if you want people to see you in a different light, you can't force it or rush into anything. Just be, and the right people will notice and respect you because of it. Don't be in a hurry to grow up, because there will come a point where you're going to wish you were young again.
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