Don't Forget to Remember Me

I am pretty much all packed and ready to go; my clothes are now stuffed into a number of duffle bags, while toiletries, food and other knick-knacks have filled various rubber-maid containers to the brim, thus leaving little room in the car. 

The last four days have been strange and incredibly special for me at the same time. There were moments where I felt like my brain would explode from the ever-growing list of things that needed to get done, yet at the same time I began to notice certain things in a different way. The way my Mother hugged me, for instance, once felt stale and annoying throughout junior high and high school. Now realizing that I won't have her there that often makes me want to be a child again at times, where Mommy and Daddy made everything feel safe just by them being there. As I was saying goodbye to some extended family members, I walked around the kitchen and thought of all the birthdays that I was there for, and all those that I wouldn't be there for. Since the beginning of the week, all I've been thinking is "I'm gonna miss this"

It's funny how during the school year, most kids my age were driving themselves crazy from wanting to graduate so badly and be done with high school; they were eager to finally break out of their cacoons and go off into the world as brand-new butterflies. They (myself included) are now beginning to see just how good it really was. And I'm not really talking about being in high school; I'm talking about being surrounded by things and people that have felt familiar for such a long time. Personally, I have felt so blessed by those that God has placed in my life up to this point, as well as by the experiences that I've gone through. There have been difficult periods, but they were periods that if anything produced perseverance and strength, as well as courage and faith. 

After I graduated high school, I thought that in itself was too good to be true. But as I am now closing one chapter and beginning another, I've come to the conclusion that going to college is the true accomplishment to be marveled at. And not only that, but I feel as though I must give thanks; to show gratitude to those that prayed for me, encouraged me and just supported me throughout these last nine months. I wouldn't where I am now if not for those blessings. 

This new path stretched out before me is a long one, and I cannot tell as of right now what I will accomplish, what mistakes I'll make, or what obstacles I'll come across. I do know that first and foremost, I am going to get an education to become a better writer. But in the midst of that, I want to be able to experience all there the wonderful opportunities and crazy moments that come with being a college student. I want to grow not only emotionally and intellectually, but spiritually as well. Despite my faith having been on the backburner for quite sometimes, I know now as to how much I really need God in my life. I need to have that kind of solid foundation to stand on. 

I've been frequently asked as to whether or not I am nervous: in some respect, I am weary of certain aspects. I fear of not doing well academically, and more so not having very much energy on most days. I want to study effectively and still have enough energy to socialize with others. I keep telling myself that I have put the past behind me, but somehow I feel like my long-time habits will keep getting in the way, thus keeping myself from making the most of this exciting time in my life. 

My one hope and prayer (as of right now) is to develop a routine that works for me and that I can be comfortable with. I  also want to  be able to find a solid group of friends that I can laugh with, cry with, and spend the next four years going on crazy and wild adventures together. Don't get me wrong, I had friends in high school; but for one reason or another, many of them weren't in my life for very long. There was always this barrier, whether it was age, personality, involvement in activities, school, etc. I never felt like I really like I had a consistent group of people who accepted me and supported me. And I don't want to have people just bless me; I want to be a blessing to them as well. 

I don't want to just survive like I did during most of my high school career. I know that there will be both good and bad times, but I want to thrive on whatever comes my way. 

So for now, I can only sum up how I feel by the words of Carrie Underwood:

Hey momma, don't forget:

to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall 
And tell me-maw that I miss her 
Yeah, I should give her a call 
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl 
Yeah I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be 
Don't forget to remember me

Life Lessons From Colorado

I just recently returned from having some vacation time in Colorado; if I could pick two words to describe the entire experience in itself, they would be beyond beautiful. At times, I felt as though that I wasn't in another part of the country, but an entirely different planet in itself.


Like all of my travels, I like to reflect on my experiences and what I learned from them. However, the hardest part is not trying to pick life lessons out of one particular week, but to actually put them into practice once resuming the usual routine.


I'll admit that I wasn't very keen on going to Colorado when this trip was in it's planning stages; My siblings and I  been have spoiled rotten when it comes to travel destinations (My brother and I have been to Disney World about four times, visited the Caribbean Islands when we were both just going into grade school, and we went to Cancun the summer before my junior year). I'd gotten so used to staying at some of the best resorts and floundering around on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. To me, a vacation meant sand, sun and perhaps a fruity little chic drink to go with it. At the time, I so desperately wanted a plane ticket to either California or Arizona for graduation.


But the more I (or should I say, my parents) researched, the more I warmed up to the idea of hiking up a mountain and battling whitewater rapids. After all, they'd been on my bucket list (if you want to call it that) for quite some time.After a seventeen-hour car ride, that's exactly what we did, and more. 


The one thing I generally enjoyed about those four days was that they related to what has become the theme of the last couple of months: different, but in a good way. I am normally accustomed to beaches, amusement parks and luxurious hotels. This time, we stayed in a quaint Comfort Inn, (well technically two, since we moved from one town to the other to be closer to the attractions) sipped mediocre coffee in the morning, and practically wore ourselves out by the end of each day. There was very few opportunities to sun-tan, but there was no humidity or pesky misquitoes to constantly slap. The air pressure was something new and it took a bit to adjust, but it was worth it when getting to take in the incredible views that nature had to offer. 


But like other getaways that I've taken in the past, it didn't come without a lesson or two. On the last day we were there, I was climbing a rock formation at the Garden of the Gods (a nature center that can almost be mistaken for Sedona) with an intent on taking pictures at the top. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking down and thought to myself "Dear Lord, please do not let me fall!" while gripping the rocks to the point where my knuckles turned white. Actually, this was the case for almost everything we did; I had to be holding onto something or someone that could keep me in a position to where I wouldn't lose my balance and fall. It was always the mantra of take plenty of pictures and get down promptly. The one thing I regret was not taking a whole lot of time to marvel and take in the amazing creations before me. 


And too often this has related to many situations in my life; since my early teen years, I've fought long and hard battles with my personal self-esteem. Confidence does not come easy, and there were periods that I didn't have any. Now that I'm getting older, I constantly question my abilities in regards to certain physical tasks. The thing is, I know that I'm capable of making my own meals (and I mean actually cooking) and taking care of myself. My biggest issue is actually believing I am. This is especially difficult when I make mistakes and screw up; as much as I hate to say this, there are moments when I think that I am more of a burden then a blessing to my loved ones. This is especially true when I have to hear my own brother remark about how I am not going to survive a semester at college, or when my mother gives me a lecture about whatever the heck I did wrong for the umpteenth time. Deep down, I realize that I am not; but it most definitely feels that way at times.


And though I am probably contradicting what I said above, I once again came to the conclusion that life really isn't all that complicated; or at the very least, it doesn't have to be. I hear so many people (especially girls) bitch and moan about the so-called drama in their lives. In all honesty, I believe that when one constantly refers to a bad situation that they're in, they're the ones making it worse. Stop dwelling on things that are ultimately out of your control. 


As for me personally, I know that I worry and stress more then I need to. I can either look at what's happening in the world and get discouraged, or I can use it as a motivation to actually make a change. I can wholeheartedly believe society's stereotypes, or I can defy them and make a life for myself. I can muddle in our financial struggles and fear about not having enough money or my bank account, or I can budget wisely and know that whatever happens, God will give me all that I need. 


Life may be a climb, but it's something that should be enjoyed, not feared.