In just a couple of short weeks, I will be officially halfway through college. Normally, such a realization would scare the crap out of me; not because of the passage of time, but the fact that it went so unbelievably fast.
Yet when I think about it now, it doesn't have the same effect on me that it used to. Part of it has to do with my acceptance that it's just the way that life is; that time doesn't really slow down or completely stop for anybody. It's a matter of being able to pause and savor the present moment exactly for what it is. After nearly a decade, I feel confident in finally knowing how to do that.
In those same short weeks, I'll be getting out of my current apartment and probably won't come back until I have to move furniture to my new place. I can't say that I'm all that sad to be living somewhere else next year, without a roommate. While I can't predict how it's going to go, I am more than ready to put this current situation behind me. It was a lot of stress, mostly because of the difficult relationship between my roommate and I. We're just better off not living together.
However, that doesn't mean that I regret my decision, or anything that has happened in the last nine months. It wasn't the best thing that I've ever done, but a lot of good did come out of it: I got the help that I needed (both emotionally and spiritually). I began to practice the act of surrender; not necessarily giving up entirely, but giving up on my being in control and placing my wants and worries into the hands of the One who is. I learned an incredibly powerful lesson, one that I'll write more about in my next blog; the fact that the people that you surround yourself with do affect you.
It has only been a year, but I have grown and changed a great deal since. My freshman year was all about experience and finding my footing in what can be a crazy environment. This time around, I was a lot more grounded and definitely had a clearer perspective. I'm more confident in what I want and what I value, and am no longer afraid to say so.
I don't know what the coming summer season holds for me, and/or what will happen in the future. What I do know is that I am at peace, and am willing to cross those bridges when I get there. Until then, I will savor what I've been given and give thanks for what I have learned. Nothing is worth regretting if you learn something from it.