Stream of Consciousness #14

I am now back on campus, living with my roommate in our newly decorated apartment. I'm glad that I moved in a few days ago as opposed to waiting until the weekend, being that I'm still somewhat tired from moving everything in and organizing. At the same time I'm getting a little anxious to get into a routine, so I'm thankful that classes will begin on Monday. 

As I write this, it has been about two and a half days since I moved in; for the most part, things are going pretty smoothly. I haven't gone out on the town yet, but hopefully that will change within the next two weekends. At the moment I'm just getting used to living independently (and by that I mean grocery shopping and cooking along with it). 

The place itself is livable, to put it mildly. However, one thing I've most definitely learned is that just because something is cheap doesn't mean that it's necessarily good. While we were moving furniture in,  our Dad's took a good pass around the place and discovered problems that we didn't think a whole lot about when we were looking back in April. Granted, I realize that's not the smartest thing to do, but we were on a budget as well as a deadline. 

Out of the things that either need improvement or complete fixing, the one thing that genuinely bothers me is the security (or lack of it, I should say). Hopefully we'll get all of it figured out by sometime next week.

But when it all comes down to it, I love being a "big girl" if you want to put it that way. I especially adore my bedroom, where whoever walks into it will probably be able to tell what kind of person I am right now off the bat. And let's not forget that I have one of the most comfortable lounge chairs that I have ever relaxed on in my life!

In the midst of all that, I do remember that I am here first and foremost to get in education. And along with that, I also have goals; there are many, some which might seem rather cliche or are most realistic for freshman college students. So here are the most important ones:

1. Getting (and staying) organized-One of the main keys to success, especially in terms of academics is knowing what needs to get done and when. I've found that when I do something right when I think of it, I decrease the chances of putting it off until later. On the other hand, there are times where I've become overwhelmed at just how much I need to accomplish by the end of the week, or at least a specific period of time. (I actually had a freak-out moment in regards to that just recently, but everything is fine). So I try and split things up in order of importance. 

2. Just Ask-In retrospect, this is a very simple thing to do, yet I made it a lot harder. When it comes to both living it at home and away, I have struggled with being able to ask for something. Whether it be for help or a favor, I was afraid to do it. I didn't want to intrude on other people's lives or become a burden to them; this was (and still is) especially true for my family and close friends. There are people that I met last year that I wanted to spend time with outside of just having class together or running into each other; but again, for some reason I was intimidated enough not to ask them to hang out. The worst thing that can happen in any of these situations is that they either can't or they won't. That is life. 

3. Write and set goals for myself in terms of my career-Now is the time where I need to start looking for internships and looking into serious writing opportunities. I didn't do much of that during my first year because I didn't want to get ahead of myself and I was still adjusting to life on campus. But now that I've become accustomed, I need to put a bit more effort into my future career. 


With all of that being said, I am not sure how often I will be able to blog once school starts. I'm aiming for at least once a week, on the day that I have few classes, but I have no way of completely predicting how heavy my workload will be or what my schedule will be like. So if there aren't many posts for awhile, please bear with me.

Here is to the hopes, the memories and for whatever lies ahead for me this semester!

It's The Little Things Part 1

“Every artist was first an amateur.”

To be an artist one has to find beauty in ordinary things. Find 10 things of great beauty in the landscape that surrounds you. For example, crumple sheets on your bed in the morning, the smell of coffee making its way around a busy office.

It seems like in the last week or so we have been surrounded by constant negativity; the stock market is in limbo and there are frequent doubts as to whether or not we are headed for another recession. Our government leaders are doing the best to reassure us that they have the best interest of the American people, but it does not seem that way at all. Everything in the news these days is often so dark and grim, leading me to ask, along with many other people, "what exactly is this world coming to?" 

It's times like these where I literally have to take a step back and re-count my blessings; I realize that this is incredibly cliche, but sometimes I get so wrapped up in all this worry and what-if that I forget about all the wonderful things that I am surrounded by. They're small and at times are difficult to pick out in the hustle and bustle of life, but nonetheless they're there. 

1. Having a Cup of Coffee in the morning-This has become part of my routine since eighth grade; it is the reason why I tend to get up early in the morning, just to have an hour or so to myself before everyone else is awake. There is no rushing around trying to complete morning tasks along with attempting to wake up. During this time I normally watch my soap operas (don't laugh) or catch up on whatever shows are on my DVR at the moment. Other times I read, write in my journal or blog.

2. Taking a shower-Sometimes it's before I have coffee and other times it's afterward. But there really is nothing like taking a hot shower, whether it be to start the day or end it. 

3. Swinging-I have a swingset in my backyard, one that would normally have stopped being used once my siblings and I grew older. However, that was not the case for me. I still like to swing on my swingset, listening to my ipod and allowing my mind to wander for a little while. I could do it for hours if I wanted to. It's nice just to be outside, especially with the view of the lake. 

4. The lake itself-When I was very young, I used to think that God either put diamonds in the water or sprinkled glitter on top of it. In reality, however, it was just the sun reflecting off the water. I didn't go swimming in it this summer as much as I normally would. On the hottest of days I was at work, and then during the rainy ones I would be stuck sitting inside. But I do think it is one of the most beautiful things about the property that we live on. Natural bodies of water don't bother me very much at all. And although the yard and the house is often a lot to take care of, I believe that it's worth it. 

5. Mom's flower garden-I absolutely love flowers; Mom has several gardens planted in the backyard and every once in awhile she'll pick some and put them in a vase in the kitchen. When I went through a photography phase (I literally took pictures of everything in the backyard), flowers took up the majority of the pictures. They're a major staple in my current bedroom and will continue to be when I move into my apartment.

6. Books-Once again, I am probably stating the obvious, but I love to read. My closet is full of them, and whenever I go to the library. It's a shame that some don't care to pick up a book unless they absolutely have to; I understand that everybody has their personal preferences, but I feel like I've learned a heck of a lot more about life from reading books as opposed to TV. 

7. Family Photo albums/home videos- I haven't been looking at either as of late, mostly because it makes me cry to the point where it's difficult for me not to look obvious that I'm crying. But there are so many memories of my childhood, from crazy holiday get-togethers to vacations filled with happenings that we still talk about to this very day. But there are moments where I struggle with understanding that I'm no longer a kid anymore; that I am now an adult and I have to take on adult responsibilities. But I feel blessed and fortunate enough to have gotten to do so many amazing things, and have grown up with wonderful people around me. 

8. My pets-They're no longer small enough to carry around and can be huge pain in the necks, but I adore having them around. It's nice to give hugs and kisses and not get any complaints (well, for the most part anyway). 

9. My Disney movie collection-I still watch Disney movies, probably more this past summer then ever. Somehow watching them always makes me smile, especially the princess ones. Those are definitely coming with me to my apartment as well.

10. My bed-In the past I have always taken having a warm bed to sleep in for granted. There are so many people who don't get to come home to warm, clean blankets; sometimes not even their own mattress. So that is definitely something that is beautiful. 

There are always things to be grateful for and to appreciate. It is just a matter of taking the time and effort to look for them.

Intuition Is A Powerful Thing

Now what would happen if my intuition were an actual person?

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?

My intuition, just looking at her from a small distance, would appear to be very interesting. She would wear a black and white polka-dotted dress, an indication most of the choices and decisions that I find myself making within my life are not as complicated as they seem. She wears a pink jacket over the dress, along with a pink floppy hat to match. Beneath the pink hat one can see her black old-school, cat-eyed sunglasses. And if you look close enough, there is a small diamond necklace around her neck.  She says she has something important that she has to tell me. 

We sit down at a nice Italian restaurant; I would have preferred to order penne pasta with vodka sauce and tiny sausages (my new favorite dish as of late), but from the look on her face, it's probably best just to go with the bread for now. 

What she'll tell me in the following conversation is no-hold's barred with no amount of sugar on it. It''s not clean and it's not pretty. But in the end, it does make a lot of sense. 


"All right, sweetheart, let's get down to business. You're not listening to me. Or should I say, you're not being completely honest with yourself." 


"What do you mean? I listen to you. Didn't I choose education over friends when it came to choosing which high school to go to? Didn't I go to the college that made me happy as opposed to what would have been physically easier to get around on?" 


"Yes, and those have turned out to be wonderful decisions. But I'm not talking about school here. I'm talking about dating, falling in love and all that stuff that you tend to make more difficult than it actually is."


"Oh, right. It's not that I don't listen to you, it's just that I want to give the guy a chance." 


"Honey, it's one thing to give a guy the benefit of the doubt if you have a decent feeling about it. But if your stomach is in knots from the moment you meet him, and all you're thinking about is that it probably won't end well, then it's best to cut your losses while you can."


"But what if he's just trying to get to know me?"


"If he asks about your virginity and just how far you've gone within a short time of meeting you, more than likely he doesn't want to get to know you. He wants to get to know your body and eventually get into your pants."


I don't say anything for a little bit, knowing that she's right. "Well, I have made up a list of standards!" I want so badly to change the subject already. 


"Lady, it's about damn time!" she laughs. "Now tell me about them?" 


I name off the five standards that I have come up with in the last couple weeks. 


She nods approvingly. "Can I ask, what in the hell took you so long?"


"I was afraid that I would be expecting too much." 


"I could give you an entire list of what expecting too much really is, but that's not the point of this conversation. Another problem is that you're often afraid, especially of your own feelings. And you shouldn't be."


"But what if I do or say something at the wrong time? And what if my feelings don't meaning anything at all? That's what I'm afraid of." 


"Number one, if you don't know when another opportunity is going to come, maybe it's best to just do or say what you need to say while you have the chance. Number two, a good feeling is never worth fighting off. Sometimes you just can't help it." 


I nod and slowly take in what she just said. 


"Al, you know deep down who you are and the kind of woman that you want to become. You have the power and the ability to become that person. It's just a matter of listening to yourself and having the courage to follow through with it." 


Intuition is a very powerful thing, isn't it?