Don't Forget to Remember Me

I am pretty much all packed and ready to go; my clothes are now stuffed into a number of duffle bags, while toiletries, food and other knick-knacks have filled various rubber-maid containers to the brim, thus leaving little room in the car. 

The last four days have been strange and incredibly special for me at the same time. There were moments where I felt like my brain would explode from the ever-growing list of things that needed to get done, yet at the same time I began to notice certain things in a different way. The way my Mother hugged me, for instance, once felt stale and annoying throughout junior high and high school. Now realizing that I won't have her there that often makes me want to be a child again at times, where Mommy and Daddy made everything feel safe just by them being there. As I was saying goodbye to some extended family members, I walked around the kitchen and thought of all the birthdays that I was there for, and all those that I wouldn't be there for. Since the beginning of the week, all I've been thinking is "I'm gonna miss this"

It's funny how during the school year, most kids my age were driving themselves crazy from wanting to graduate so badly and be done with high school; they were eager to finally break out of their cacoons and go off into the world as brand-new butterflies. They (myself included) are now beginning to see just how good it really was. And I'm not really talking about being in high school; I'm talking about being surrounded by things and people that have felt familiar for such a long time. Personally, I have felt so blessed by those that God has placed in my life up to this point, as well as by the experiences that I've gone through. There have been difficult periods, but they were periods that if anything produced perseverance and strength, as well as courage and faith. 

After I graduated high school, I thought that in itself was too good to be true. But as I am now closing one chapter and beginning another, I've come to the conclusion that going to college is the true accomplishment to be marveled at. And not only that, but I feel as though I must give thanks; to show gratitude to those that prayed for me, encouraged me and just supported me throughout these last nine months. I wouldn't where I am now if not for those blessings. 

This new path stretched out before me is a long one, and I cannot tell as of right now what I will accomplish, what mistakes I'll make, or what obstacles I'll come across. I do know that first and foremost, I am going to get an education to become a better writer. But in the midst of that, I want to be able to experience all there the wonderful opportunities and crazy moments that come with being a college student. I want to grow not only emotionally and intellectually, but spiritually as well. Despite my faith having been on the backburner for quite sometimes, I know now as to how much I really need God in my life. I need to have that kind of solid foundation to stand on. 

I've been frequently asked as to whether or not I am nervous: in some respect, I am weary of certain aspects. I fear of not doing well academically, and more so not having very much energy on most days. I want to study effectively and still have enough energy to socialize with others. I keep telling myself that I have put the past behind me, but somehow I feel like my long-time habits will keep getting in the way, thus keeping myself from making the most of this exciting time in my life. 

My one hope and prayer (as of right now) is to develop a routine that works for me and that I can be comfortable with. I  also want to  be able to find a solid group of friends that I can laugh with, cry with, and spend the next four years going on crazy and wild adventures together. Don't get me wrong, I had friends in high school; but for one reason or another, many of them weren't in my life for very long. There was always this barrier, whether it was age, personality, involvement in activities, school, etc. I never felt like I really like I had a consistent group of people who accepted me and supported me. And I don't want to have people just bless me; I want to be a blessing to them as well. 

I don't want to just survive like I did during most of my high school career. I know that there will be both good and bad times, but I want to thrive on whatever comes my way. 

So for now, I can only sum up how I feel by the words of Carrie Underwood:

Hey momma, don't forget:

to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall 
And tell me-maw that I miss her 
Yeah, I should give her a call 
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl 
Yeah I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be 
Don't forget to remember me