These days, there've been many moments where I've felt like Marlin from the movie, Finding Nemo. He's trying desperately to get to his son but runs into a crapload of roadblocks in the process of doing so. With me, it's just trying to get where I want to go with my life. I'm done with my college applications, but all this waiting is making me incredibly anxious. In the midst of it all I'm trying to keep an open heart and mind, but it's frustrating because I feel like I already know. Yet, I don't want to set myself up for disappointment.
The hardest part about this year thus far is feeling like I have to carry this particular burden and much more on my own. Now, I do realize that in the grand scheme of things, I am not alone; but I feel as though I'm dealing with alot of things by myself. I'm afraid to talk about my struggles because 1. I don't want to come across as lil' miss negativity and 2. I don't want people to see me as the type of person that always needs help and needs to be taken care of.
I know that I cannot be dependent on anyone or anything for my emotional security; God ultimately is the one that'll take care of that. There are times like these where I wish I just had someone to wrap me in a gigantic hug.
I hate that I barely have time to go to youth group anymore. I hate that my senior year feels more like a chore that needs to be done week after week as opposed to a time I should be enjoying. Ultimately, I wish that these burdens would be lifted off of me, and even more so that I can feel them being lifted.
Pardon me for my complaints. I try to keep this blog as light as positive as possible, but like all human beings, I too have my moments of weakness. When all is said and done, this too shall pass and I'll look back knowing that I grew up and learned from it. But until than, I just have to take everything as at comes. And per Dori, JUST KEEP SWIMMING!!