As of tomorrow morning, I am officially a senior year in high school. It feels kind of weird to be at this point, although I'm not sure why exactly. Maybe it's because I expected to have be taller than I was freshman year? (Even though height has nothing to do with it) Or maybe it was just something that seemed like it wasn't going to get here for a very long time? Who knows...
I will say that I definately got alot out of this past summer. The one thing that stands out in my mind is how I've changed, and how I was able to focus on myself. That is, really sitting down and asking myself "what really makes me happy?" I questioned some other things too, such as my beliefs and why (or why not) I believe in those things. It may seem weird, but I found it rather liberating to be honest with myself.
I have alot to look forward to this coming school year: the new roles of leadership I'll be taking on, the people that I've been getting to know, preparing to go to college, and just appreciating this year for what it is. It's exciting, but also a little bit scary.
And in a way, I am scared. I had an amazing junior year, and I've found myself how in the heck I'll be able to top it; reason being that three of my closest friends have graduated and I won't get to see them every single day. I'm taking on a huge courseload and would like to get my GPA up before I apply to any more colleges. I've never really pushed myself that hard before, and I wonder if I'll be able to handle that much. Yet when it all comes down to it, I think my biggest fear is not accomplishing any of my goals that I've set because of not working hard.
The goals that I have are both long-term and short term: I'm hoping to eventually get some kind of scholarship or grant money for college, and choose the right school for me at that. I wanna do well in all my subjects and like I said, raise my GPA. I'm gonna try not to stress out as much as I have in the past and just take everything for what it is. I've often heard senior year goes so fast that you don't really have time to take certain things seriously.
I do have two long-term ones, and they're probably the most important to me. This year I want to take care of someone (or multiple people) the way so many people have taken care of me; I want to let someone cry on my shoulder when they're sad or just give them a hug if they need it. I want to carry someone else's books or help them with their homework. It may sound strange, but I want to be a blessing to someone in my school (and perhaps even outside my school). For some odd reason, I feel like I haven't done very much to be an impact on others.
The second one is to eventually grow into the woman I was meant to be. My mom often tells me that when I was younger, I used to walk around with this big smile on my face and I was always so bubbly and happy. I'll admit that teenage hormones, combined with my experiences five years ago took that bubbliness away. I'm not sure if I'll be able to completely go back to that, as per the fact that I'm no longer a little girl, and that I've functioned in a certain way for a long time. With both those things, you can't automatically go back to normal. You have to create a new normal for yourself. That normal for me is being able to have joy; not just because of the people that are in my life, but because of what I personally find joy in.
It's not something that can happen automatically, or every day. I just have to take things one day at a time, and be thankful for each day that I have.