Music Monday

Bang Bang-Jessi J., Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj

-I'm only really a fan of Jessi J, but this has been on my workout playlist since it first hit the airwaves. 

No Place I'd Rather Be-Clean Bandit 

-This song is so cute and gives me a boost of confidence when I need it. 

Girl In A Country Song-Maddie and Tae

-I don't necessarily agree with all the fuss and controversy, but I see their point. 

Maps-Maroon 5

"So I wonder where were you, when I was at my worst, down on my knees?"

Those lyrics are powerful. 

Somethin' Bad-Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert

-Not only are these two awesome as individual artists, but this is an incredible duet!

Have a great week!

photo credit: kinojam via photopin cc

Life Lately: On Coming Back, Separations, and New Beginnings

That picture was taken almost a month before I started my freshman year of college, about four years ago. Not only is it crazy to think about how fast time goes by, but that the same things can apply to various stages of life. The concept of a huge transition is exciting, yet it's also a little bit scary.

After graduation, I realized that it was the anticipation of change that was more heartbreaking than the actual change itself. The night before I moved out of Iowa City for good, I met up with two good friends of mine where we sat on my favorite outdoor patio, sipping drinks and talking while surrounded by various light fixtures. It was the kind of night that I appreciated more than anything, because it only happened every so often.

In a way, I was outgrowing the culture that tends to saturate college life: the excessive drinking, lack of commitment to planning/socializing, and so on. And yet, I knew I would miss my friends, the community and comraderie that we shared as we cultivated relationships and traditions. I dreaded going back to the environment that had only seemed to get worse as time went on. The reality of leaving set in as my dad and I loaded up the furniture (with the help of two friends) and hugged these wonderful people goodbye.  Thankfully I was able to hold myself together for the majority of the day, but once we hit the road I cried (quietly but freely) all the way back.

And it has been a tough time. Not only did I leave behind a life that I'd built for the last four years, but my parents are also in the process of getting divorced. It has been a long time coming and I think my family will be better off in the long run, but I'm experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. Underneath all of the anger and hurt, it's an incredibly sad situation. I will write more about it when I've gained a broader perspective, if only for the sake of my own healing. I'm grateful to be able to at least acknowledge that it's happening, because it will take a while to fully get over. 

In the midst of that, I've chosen to live in a more emotionally healthy environment so that I can work through some personal things and get my feet on solid ground. I love my parents and siblings deeply, but I can't be the best sister/daughter/support source when I'm constantly crying or lashing out in anger because I can't express my thoughts. I'm not saying that separation is the cure-all to conflict, but it has helped me make better decisions for myself and for my future; my priorities right now revolve around taking steps toward my career, getting involved in a church, and finding a therapist. 

This poem pretty much says it all. 

If there's one truth I've realized about starting over, it's that there comes a point where you can no longer depend on circumstances to do so. There aren't specific milestones like graduations or even birthdays that give you an automatic fresh start; real new beginnings are the ones where you go out there and you create them on your own, regardless of where you're at. It's hard to explain what it feels like exactly; I'm glad because a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, yet I am also exhausted from the realities surrounding me. They are realities that sometimes make me feel as though I am very much alone in all of this. 

And yet, I am not and I never will be. I have my faith, which realistically, is the only thing that any of us are guaranteed when storms and darkness come rolling in.

Somewhere between graduation and moving out, I started reading my bible again as a way to find clarity in regards to what was going to happen. Out of curiosity I began reading a chapter in the book of Hebrews each night, and this particular verse struck me in a way that gave me chills:

May the God of Peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, Great Shepherd of sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. 
-Hebrews 13:20-21

A couple of days before I left, one of my close friends called me up and prayed over me, where she literally spoke of the exact same verse. 

You know, I don't know what the future holds. I don't have a plan beyond the priorities I mentioned above, and I suppose that's a good thing. I miss Iowa City already, but more importantly I miss the people that I met there. I think about them all the time and I don't think that will change for a while, because a lot of them encouraged me in healing and embracing who I am. For now I am thankful for texting, phone calls, and Facebook.

I believe that there is life after college, but it will take time to figure out exactly what that entails.

I will be OK.

For The College-Bound

You have a lot to be proud of, having completed one chapter in your life and going onto the next. It's beyond exciting, but also terrifying to be going through this kind of change, especially since you'll be away from what you know and are used to. It's overwhelming, having so many things to do and so many people to meet that you’ll feel like you’re going in a million directions. Take a deep breath and take it each day as it comes; just because you don’t get to see and do it all right away doesn’t mean that it won’t ever happen. Spreading it all out is actually a good thing because not only will you have more energy, but you will also have the ability to cherish the experience more.

 With that being said, your experiences will probably be somewhat different from mine, as well as your parents. Don’t try to recreate or walk the path that the people before you did, because chances are it will not go the way you expect it to, nor will it have the same effect. Instead, take this time and make it your own. You’ll be glad for it in the long run.

And though college itself is quite the adventure, it is an adjustment and it will be hard. Your schedule is not as consistent as it was in high school, with classes possibly taking place at weird times (you might start at eight o’clock and go until noon, or start late in the afternoon and go until after dark). And you will legitimately have to study in order to keep up and pass each semester.  Though you’ll probably have a mini-heart attack or two from forgetting to do your homework every once in a while, checking your syllabus and your e-mail regularly do help. Lord knows I didn’t always do this, but writing everything down in a planner and utilizing office hours do work wonders. Professors can be intimidating and their policies can be downright annoying, but deep down they appreciate it when you take the time to ask questions and clarify information. And who knows, you may even find a mentor or two by doing so.

Yet, the difficulties do not always involve preparing for impossible exams or staying up late to write papers. Despite being surrounded by people all the time, it does get lonely. The people you meet now might not end up being your best friends in the long run, and that can be frustrating. You might get close to people, drift apart and then come back together in a couple of years when you’ve all grown up and matured a little. Kids your age are often selfish because for a lot of them, this is the first time on their own and they don’t have parents around telling them what to do or how to act. Regardless of what stage you’re in, friends do come in and out of your life, but the ones who are meant to be part of it will always be standing in the doorway. You won’t always see each other and you won’t always talk, but they’ll be there.

On that note, take the time to call your parents at least once a week and let them know how you’re doing. This is a time to learn how to be independent, but in some way, you’re always going to need your mom and dad. It doesn’t have to involve sobbing on the phone or rehashing every small detail of what went on over the weekend, but let them in on your life. They love you and they want you to support you and be there for you, even though you’re growing into an adult. And don’t forget to thank them for helping you get to where you are, because whether you know it or not, they played a huge role in it.

Romance and relationships are tricky aspects to navigate as well. I’m not going to tell you that all are motivated by hormones who only want to sleep with you and nothing more, because that’s not always true. I’m not going to tell you what types to avoid, because it’s so much easier said than done (and quite frankly, I always try to do my best to see the good in others). It’s normal to be curious about the hook-up culture and to do things for the sake of wanting to know what it’s like. On the other side, it can become a slippery slope that may very well end in heartbreak and confusion. If you’re going to go down that road, I hope it’s with someone who’s willing to be honest with you about what they want and in turn you can be honest with them. Furthermore, that they respect your boundaries; I don’t care how “normal” certain things are considered in college, if someone is treating you in a way that you absolutely do not feel comfortable with, you have every right to speak up about it. Above all, trust your instincts and listen to them. Once you realize that something isn’t working for you or doesn’t feel right, it won’t get better or easier.  But if heaven forbid you get in a situation that you have little control over and lines get crossed, please know that it is never you fault. Ultimately, what you do or don’t do with your body does not define you or make less of a person. You and everyone else in this world are human beings who are worthy of love and respect, regardless of what mistakes you make or if you make them repeatedly.

Yes, bad things do happen and not everyone has good intentions, but that doesn’t mean relationships are impossible. It might seem rare, but I have witnessed some awesome things and met some amazing people. If you're attracted to someone, take time to be friends first, building a solid foundation on trust and respect.  There’s always the risk of things not working out, but what’s the alternative, really? If you meet someone who can take the good with the bad and meet you halfway, go for it! If they motivate you to be a better person and compliments you well, cherish them. To love is to learn, and to learn is to grow.

Partying is fun, which you either know or will figure out eventually. I certainly had my share of crazy nights, and I made my own choices. But what I do regret is not taking a step back once I realized that drinking was not going to dull the pain when I was hurting, nor would it be the main focus of so many great memories. Legality aside, going out should be awesome because of who you’re with, not necessarily because of how much alcohol you’re consuming. It’s age-old wisdom, but do your best to moderate yourself when it comes to that stuff. It can get in the way of your academics, and getting slapped with a drinking ticket isn't something to brag about (side note: I did not get one. I just know that paying seven hundred bucks or more just for having a beer is insanely dumb). Find something that can help you stay grounded, whether that is a church, a volunteer organization, or having friends to keep you accountable. You will run into a wall at some point, and if you’re not careful, it’s going to hurt.

On that note, be mindful of who you surround yourself with; if they force you to choose between your values and fitting in, they're not the kind of people you want to have in your life. It will be tough away to step away from an environment that's a lot of fun, but being constantly physically and emotionally drained won't do you any favors in the grand scheme of things. 

More than anything, I just want you to be in the present moment, because not everyone gets to be where you’re at. Live for the moments where you spontaneously stay up talking with people until three in the morning, whether it’s a conversation about life or the most random things. Live for the moments that involve meet-cutes in unexpected places, and don’t micro-plan every move you make when it comes to introductions. Go to at least one football or basketball game, if only to see what it’s like. Create your own traditions out of television shows or changing seasons. Take walks and marvel in the natural beauty of your surroundings. Put down your phone and camera at some point and give your attention to whomever you’re with.

If you want something, pursue it. Looking back on my time in college, there are some things I wish I would have just straight out asked for in the beginning. If nothing else, I learned that the definition of truly living life is to worry less and just go for it. Choose a major based on what makes sense to you and what you enjoy, not what will be easy in terms of getting a job or a big paycheck afterward. If you don’t know right now that is perfectly OK, but don’t overthink it too much. If you care about someone, there’s no shame in telling them. That is how friends turn into family.

And that is one of the greatest things about college, knowing that you went all in, and knowing that you were part of something wonderful.  You are part of a community and you will leave a legacy.

This year is yours, dear one. Instead of lowering your expectations, be open to the possibilities.

photo credit: University of Central Arkansas via photopin cc

Music Monday

After a brief hiatus, I'm slowly trying to get back into the swing of things. Here are a few tunes that have either been played repeatedly (thank you, Spotify), or at least have been stuck in my head this past month. 

More Than Miles-Brantley Gilbert

I'm well aware of the various adages that pertain to moving on to bigger and better things, but right now I miss my friends. A lot. 

Sing-Ed Sheeran 

Dirt-Florida Georgia Line

There's just something about this song that's poignant and beautiful. It has helped me to appreciate where I come from (literally and figuratively). 

Am I Wrong-Nico and Vinz 

You Can't Make Old Friends-Dolly Parton and Kenny Rodgers 

-That's the thing about country music...there is a good chance that it will make you cry. In this case, I bawl my eyes out every time. 

Small-Town Throwdown-Brantley Gilbert, Thomas Rhett, and Justin Moore

Invisible Touch-Genesis 

-Yes it's a throwback (one that I wasn't even around for), and kind of weird in context. But it has sentimental value from the last two months, so that's why I'm including it. 

Have a great week!

photo credit: Silvia Viñuales via photopin cc

Friday Finds

A new take on "Amazing Grace"  (via Taste of Country)



Connecting Late Night Comedy and Spirituality  (via A Deeper Story)




A Letter To Women and Daughters (via A Holy Experience)




Pop-Band Dancing Groomsmen (via The Huffington Post)




Why Swimsuits Make Me Mad; a unique take on modesty (via The Identity Project)




On "Overnight Success"  (via Relevant Magazine)


I will be taking a bit of a break for the rest of July due to a very busy schedule, and will start back up again the following month. In the meantime, I'll be sharing some of my "Best Of" posts, so feel free to keep up with those on Facebook and Twitter! 

Have a great weekend!

photo credit: seyed mostafa zamani via photopin cc

On Technology And Being Alone

Put down your devices or be ruined by them. This is the message preached by various videos gone viral over the last couple of months. At first I went along with what you might call the "technological backlash," having spent a lot of time in therapy working toward a healthy balance in regards to using my phone and computer. It wasn't until I watched a particular TED Talk near the end of the semester that my perspective started to shift. Profound and thought provoking, I had to choke back tears as we discussed it for my career and leadership class. I related to it on such a deep level, and realized that perhaps being so connected isn't as cut and dry as people think. 

There's no arguing that (rapidly advancing) technology has a dark, even ugly side. I've witnessed the internet bring out the worst in some, and I've had relationships that were built on a false sense of security because we communicated almost entirely online or via texting. Yet when it comes to addressing this unsettling reality as a whole, attitude really does make a difference.

The problem is way bigger than being glued to Candy Crush or sharing ridiculous cat videos on Facebook. That being said, the solution is much more than demanding less time on social media and pointing out why we're supposedly better off without it. 

Electronic communication and the internet is not the heart of the issue. Rather, fear and loneliness is. 

Like Sherri, I'm convinced that we are the way we are because we don't know how to be comfortable with being alone. 

And I say that because for nearly a decade, I was one of those people. 

From the time I was twelve, the mere idea of physically being by myself was absolutely terrifying. Part of it may have very well been pre-conditioned; at the age of ten I can recall being told by a school counselor that I needed to be actively playing with other kids instead of just watching or walking around on my own. By the time I reached junior high, I genuinely believed that weekends without a packed social schedule indicated that something was wrong with me. High school and college were a little bit different because it was more about experiences and not wanting to miss out on them. But age and maturity didn't make me immune to the sting of rejection; the build up to the weekend made me anxious and desperate to plan things in advance to avoid being left out. And when a lot of those weekends were spent watching movies instead of going to parties or night clubs (at least for the first two years as a college student), my overactive imagination went into overdrive.

In that time, online communication and texting was less about hiding and more about just personal preference. I've always said that writing is like a second voice because it gives me the ability to articulate thoughts that are difficult to talk about in person. Back then, it was easier to discuss a subject in a text or a Facebook message first because I could choose my words carefully and not run the risk of being misinterpreted. I admit that I initially started blogging because I didn't know how to contribute my own opinions in a face-to-face discussion. And even though I'm older, there's still some truth in that for me today, but it really depends on the topic.

But I still found myself over-analyzing, second-guessing, and ultimately working myself up to where I just didn't know what to do anymore. I tried limiting my time on social media to twice a day, and when that didn't work, I would try to only check it when I saw notifications on my phone. Yet it wasn't long before I started to feel the way that some do when they go on certain diets; they mess up or "cheat" and experience instant shame or frustration. 

I struggled very much with anxiety for most of my senior year of college, particularly as graduation neared. At one point I even sat down with my therapist and discussed on the possibility of going on medication, as I've noticed that my mind tends to shut down and leave me unable to think about anything whenever I become seriously overwhelmed. (I initially thought this was due to texting, but it also happens when I'm in public places that are extremely crowded). The combination of that and having a creative mind that goes in all different directions can be a ridiculous recipe for a breakdown, which did happen once or twice. 

"It's not just about your habits," she explained. "It's also about the story you keep telling yourself whenever this kind of thing comes up." 

It was a story in which a lack of response meant that they didn't want to talk to me or see me. It meant that they didn't care and I didn't matter. Is this story true? For some, perhaps so, but  a lot of it can be chalked up to simply being lazy or being forgetful. We all do it to some extent.

On the other side, a lot of people experience those feelings and wonder if they could have said or done something different. It's so hard not to take it personally, and in some respects after a certain point it does become personal. But the bottom line is that you can't control what other people think or do because of it. What is said or done in love and kindness should not result in guilt or shame. 

Yet I wonder if this kind of mindset would exist if generation after generation wasn't raised to believe in vulnerability as a bad thing. If people were comfortable enough with not only telling, but showing a loved one that they cared, would the person on the other side of the screen be driving themselves crazy?

How would it be if people believed that all emotions are valid, and that they have every right to express them out loud?

 How would it be if our culture stopped focusing on the meaning of life based on age or gender, but based on what it means to be human?

In my personal experience, it's all about awareness. Despite that I use my phone and computer a lot, I do have instinctive limits. I can't explain what it is exactly, but I get this feeling whenever I sense that I'm using one or both too much. It's like a combination of anxiety and annoyance, and when that happens, then I know it's time to take a break. Of course, I still do things to help increase that awareness: I rarely use headphones anymore and choose not to take my phone with me when I go for walks or work out. Paying attention to the triggers helps me moderate how I use it without having to avoid it altogether. 

Finding comfort (and even contentment) in actually being alone is something that I'm still working at as well. It took a long time for that little voice in my head to quiet down; the one that constantly asked what are they all doing without me? One of the concepts pointed out in the video is that spending time alone teaches us how to relate better to others, and to better understand ourselves. When I genuinely reflected on it, I realized just how much growth took place when I was completely by myself. Some of those times were incredibly lonely, where I often wept like a baby and had to grit my teeth in order not to slip into a deep depression. But when I re-read various journals and just allowed myself to be still, I was filled with an indescribable amount of peace. Once I found true joy in that, I discovered that my faith grew deeper, I became a better writer, among other things. I actually find myself craving it when I'm around people for long periods of time, although I'm learning how to cope when I can't. 

Once I learned to be comfortable with admitting that I was lonely, it seemed like the stigma fell away. When that happens now, I see it as a natural reaction that is temporary and will eventually pass.

Yet that doesn't change the fact that cyberspace now resembles that of an addiction, and electronics are the ones that feed it. 

But it's not just what we do that exemplifies this culture. It's the way we view it. 

In other words, we romanticize the past and villify the present. There needs to be a balance that's healthy but understanding of the world we live in. 

I don't think kids under the age of thirteen should have a smartphone or a tablet, but I'm also not a parent. Technological overload doesn't mess with the human mind, but a lack of boundaries and moderation does. 

The internet can destroy, but it can also unite. I never discovered that so many others had the same questions and doubts (regarding the current state of Christianity) until I got into blogging. There's no verbal communication, but the stories did and still do speak to me. And I'm grateful. 

Texting is terrible for planning and having important conversations, but I love the fact that I started a prayer circle because of it. 

Social networking has its hangups; it does cause jealousy and insecurity, but it's not right to blame those who are simply trying to share their happiness with others. There are certain types of posts that I would rather not see on Facebook or Twitter, but it's not my place to go running interference. The only thing that gets under my skin is when I find out about the death of a friend or family member through someone else's Facebook post, rather than get a phone call or even just a text beforehand. While I get that those affected don't want to openly talk about it, it's still disrespectful to others that knew the deceased person, even if they didn't have the closest relationship. Pardon going off topic, but it's a serious matter and one that I feel very strongly about.

 Contrary to popular belief, I don't get the hype over a supposed "golden age" where everybody talked to each other all the time. If I didn't want to socialize, I read books in the middle of class, and I can imagine those of previous decades hiding behind newspapers or just flat out ignoring those around them. Would they talk more if they didn't have distractions in front of them? Probably. But sometimes it's more a matter of someone simply wanting there own space. In circumstances such as public transportation or crowded areas, most likely they're doing what they feel is necessary to keep themselves safe.

And though traditional means of communication are changing, there are other avenues opening up alongside that, particularly in terms of careers. I love being creative with various platforms, from coming up with catchy slogans that will fit one hundred forty characters or discovering various means to promote an upcoming story collection. Technology is providing certain kinds of jobs that didn't exist a decade or so ago, and being able to network has mind finding a job so much easier. Also, why bash a tool that has helped me stretched my creativity and help reach more audiences with my writing? 

That's the underlying issue in all of this; people spending all this energy arguing and fighting against things that they don't use or aspects that they're not even part of. No one's saying that you have to be involved with social media or own a smartphone, and not doing so doesn't make you better than anyone else. Technology would be less overwhelming (and concerning) if there weren't crusade-like arguments that perpetuate all of it. 

I get that some, if not most networks are often a breeding ground for negativity, and it can get really old after a while. But why try to convince somebody who probably isn't going to listen, and instead just change a few settings so you don't have to see that stuff? (de-friending or blocking seems a little bit drastic). The fact that anyone spends time and energy trying to dictate what others do online says more about them than it does about those being criticized. It says "I refuse to take responsibility for my own actions," which is the kind of attitude that contributes to more problems than just what goes on in cyberspace. 

If you are seriously concerned with what someone else is doing on the other side of a computer screen, then be an adult and talk to them about it. Otherwise if it's just something like seeing too many selfies or pointless articles, maybe it would be a good idea to just stop scrolling and get off of the computer for a little bit. Again, no one is forcing you to do anything. Everyone should be able to express themselves freely and not feel like they have to cater to their friend/follower list. I'm very conciancious of what I share and the fact that not all will appreciate it, and that's OK. I'm doing it because I came across something that made me happy or made me think, and I want to do my best to create a positive environment online. I'm not going to apologize for that.

It's not bad to occasionally reminisce about "back in the day"; who doesn't like talking about their extensive CD collection, along with everything that came before that? But fighting against (inevitable) change and always longing for what used to be seems like a battle that will ultimately go nowhere. 

Like loneliness, technology is not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing; it's just part of life. You can either embrace it and roll with it, or waste your days being cynical over something that you can't control. 

Trust me when I say that once you do, it definitely gets easier to deal with.

photo credit: Anne Worner via photopin cc

Weekly Wisdom

In an effort to keep the blog going while keeping busy with an internship, job searching, and working on various writing pieces, I thought I would try something new. 

Whenever I have instances where I'm too busy to write a full blog,  or just don't know how to put these thoughts into words, I'll go ahead and share these little snippets. Some might be from Instagram (where in that case, I will do my best to give credit it where credit is due), but most I will often come up with on my own.

I post a lot of these things on various social media handles, so feel free to follow me on Pinterest, Instagram, or Twitter! 

Inspired by a conversation with one of my closest friends that took place before the start of last semester

This was all created using an app called Quollective, which can be found in the Itunes app section. 

Have a great weekend!

photo credit: jenny downing via photopin cc