I am now back at college and find myself typing this late afternoon in the ITC lab rather than in my cozy dorm room with a cup of coffee in my hand; the wi-fi internet in the dorms has been down for most of the day and no one really knows when it's going to be up and working again. Not that the lab is an entirely bad place to be, but it involves a lot of going back and forth if I need to get something from my room.
Despite the fact that break is over and it's now back to the grind, I have to say that I'm extremely grateful for it; I've missed my friends here and all the random things that tend to happen when we're together. Not to mention that I do get to go back to my usual routine, even though I do have differently classes. I can't say for certain whether or not they'll be easier or harder than last semester, but the definitely do seem a lot more interesting.
Surprisingly, I feel extremely motivated for this semester; my grades didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted to the first time around, and I have to raise my GPA if I hope to get into the Creative Writing Track at any point. Regretably, there were many little things that I didn't do during the first semester that are actually fairly important: writing all your assignments down at the beginning of the term so that you know when everything is due, keeping track of what grade you're getting in the class (if possible) and a bunch of other stuff. I feel like I do have the capability of pulling all A's and B's, if not straight A's.
One of my other goals would be to get to know more people outside of my dorm building; not that I have a problem with anyone on my floor, but I'm not completely sure if I've found my main "group" so to speak. But that particular topic is for another time...
There are a lot of things that I would like to happen in the coming months; yet, I don't know if I should get into specifics but there is no guarentee that they will happen. Ahh, sometimes I wish I wasn't such a dreamer. I guess the best thing I can do is to take things as they come and keep reminding myself that everything works out in the end.
Until then, I will enjoy the fact that I do not have any classes whatsoever on Tuesdays and have actually made a workout schedule for myself.
Second semester...bring it on!!
January 17, 2011
January 14, 2011
Authenticity Kick
Ever since I became a serious blogger (and by serious, I mean not constantly complaining or rambling about the happenings in my life) I've always made a point to be an authentic writer; that is, to be real and genuine about what I'm writing. Even when I'm creating fictional stories, I often tend to draw from personal experiences, life lessons and also my own personality traits; despite that a piece may be made up, I do add a lot of myself and who I am as a person into those words.
I believe in being honest about my thoughts and feelings (hence the name for my blog) as being straightforward about who I am. Most of the time that's much easier to do through writing it down than speaking it. For the most part, it's what comes naturally to me; it also seems like people get a better understanding of me and the way I live my life. That's why I tend to write with so much eloquence and detail.
Then again, there is such a thing as laying too many cards on the table (especially at one time). I don't necessarily want everyone knowing about everything about me. Plus there are some topics and information that I'd rather keep for private, one on one conversations. It makes me wonder if at times I am almost too honest in regards to what I write on here.
And as much as I would like to say that I don't care about what people may think when they read this, that's not always true. There are moments where I find myself wondering if friends' or family members opinions of me have changed after reading certain entries. I wonder if people that don't know me very well learn more about me through my blog posts. I wonder if this does anything at all.
However, when it all comes down to it, I don't completely write this for other people. I write this for me; and as long as I'm staying true to myself, that's all that matters in the end.
I believe in being honest about my thoughts and feelings (hence the name for my blog) as being straightforward about who I am. Most of the time that's much easier to do through writing it down than speaking it. For the most part, it's what comes naturally to me; it also seems like people get a better understanding of me and the way I live my life. That's why I tend to write with so much eloquence and detail.
Then again, there is such a thing as laying too many cards on the table (especially at one time). I don't necessarily want everyone knowing about everything about me. Plus there are some topics and information that I'd rather keep for private, one on one conversations. It makes me wonder if at times I am almost too honest in regards to what I write on here.
And as much as I would like to say that I don't care about what people may think when they read this, that's not always true. There are moments where I find myself wondering if friends' or family members opinions of me have changed after reading certain entries. I wonder if people that don't know me very well learn more about me through my blog posts. I wonder if this does anything at all.
However, when it all comes down to it, I don't completely write this for other people. I write this for me; and as long as I'm staying true to myself, that's all that matters in the end.
January 12, 2011
At My Core
This was a prompt that I was supposed to do way back in December, during the Reverb10 blog project (you can read any of those here) but wanted to focus on other things during the remaining days of 2010.
We all have a core; a place deep down in our hearts that everything else about us stems from; it essentially makes up who a person is beneath the surface as well as their personality. I used to think that it was impossible to sum me up in just three words or less. But I've come to believe that these three words make up who I am at heart.
Kindness
Ever since I was a young girl, I have always made it my "mission" shall we say, to try and be nice to people. That aspect especially became true when I entered middle school, where I was picked up and made fun of rather frequently by my peers. My brother constantly pointed out that the only reason that kind of stuff happened was because they knew that I wasn't going to do anything about it. In all honesty, I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to stoop to that particular level and become a complete you-know-what. It made me look incredibly weak, as though I didn't have a backbone (which was true at the time). But I wanted to stay true to myself, despite what I was going through.
As I've gotten older, I've discovered that kindness is not necessarily just in the words we speak; it is also in what we do for others. It can be the smallest of things, like smiling it at someone when you walk past them or holding a door open. But it can also be the biggest of things, like forgiving those who have hurt you in one way or another, or just being there for a friend during a difficult time, despite not knowing how to really help them.
I am not perfect when it comes to kindness; I say things that I shouldn't and I get angry at times for the wrong reasons. There are times when I would much rather give someone the finger than give them a hug. I've always believed in giving back, but never felt like I had enough time to energy to do any volunteer work. However, I am going to try and change that during this particular semester.
Kindness is something that each of us is capable of; even though I don't always succeed at it,but I do what I can.
Love
Love and kindness are two things that frequently intertwine; one is kind in order to show love, and one expresses love by being kind. Love itself, however, comes in so many different shapes and forms; essentially, it is seeing past what we don't like about another person and accepting them exactly for who they are.
I have always tried to love other people to the best of my ability, because I I know that's what I would another person to do for me. And not only that, but there is so much hatred and judgment in the world; children are growing up thinking that it's all about them and that everyone else is beneath them. In reality, nothing is ever just about you. When I show love, I try to be selfless more than selfish; to give more than I take. When it all comes down to it, I always try to love in the way that God would want me to.
But to a degree, one has to be able to love themselves as well; because you cannot show love to another without being able to say the same things to yourself. You have to be able to look in the mirror and see that you're beautiful, no matter how hard it may be. You have to know that you're worth something and that you have purpose, even if it might take you your entire life to figure it out.
For me that was one of the hardest things to do. It's still hard in a sense, but it gets easier as you get older.
I've been told that at times, I love almost too much; I struggle with sticking up for myself and not allowing others to walk all over me. I tend to want to keep people in my life that probably shouldn't be in it. It's true when they say that love can make you blind, because you don't see how much someone is actually tearing you down as opposed to lifting you up.
This way of thinking and this way of living might be just two of the reasons that I occasionally scare people off; although I this particular notion is debatable, I've been told that I'm more mature than most people are for my age. In turn, there are those that don't understand or see things the way that I do. But I guess that's what makes me unique.
Strength
Strength has become one of the key things in my life; it is not something comes easily nor does it come in a short amount of time. On a physical level, I had to learn to be strong just to get from point A to to Point B. I was once told that I probably had the strongest arms (for a girl) that anyone had ever seen. And for the sake of being humorous, I do have what my family calls a "death grip"...it's probably a good idea to avoid it if you can. I'm not proud of this, but I did almost break a friend's fingers once. Since then, I have learned to be gentle when necessary.
point, regarding all areas of my life.
I do not say these things in self-pity, but rather stating that this is where my personal strength comes from. I learned many times over that in a way, I am a survivor. That regardless of what curve balls come at me unexpectedly, I will get through it. I may not know how to right then and there, but I learn.
However, true strength is not just being able to carry any sort of heavy burden on your own; you have to allow others to be there for you and take care of you.
I'll be honest when I say that I can be prideful; prideful in wanting to prove everybody wrong and to be able to stand up and say "look at me now! And you really thought I couldn't do it, could you?" Sometimes I think it's easier not to tell anyone what goes on or what I may be struggling with. But time and time again, it has only proven that I cannot do it all by myself. As much as I want to, I can't.
Asking for help doesn't mean that you're weak...it just means that you're human.
January 10, 2011
Stream of Conscience #2
- I have at least a dozen different story/blog ideas in mind, yet for the life of me cannot figure out how exactly to write them down. In a way, I feel stuck; I have so much to write about and plenty of thoughts swimming around in my head, yet they're not transferring to paper (or in my case, computer screen) the way I want them to. What is even more frustrating is how I have had a month to write and have done very little of it. I'm thinking I just need to not go on the computer for the rest of today..
- This week is my last full week of winter break; It's somewhat weird going back to school and the daily grind of things, especially since I haven't had any homework or studying to do for about a month. That in turn is why I believe that four weeks is too long for a college student; you go for awhile without studying or doing any homework and than you start classes again and have to get right back into it.
- Of course, I am looking forward to it (probably for the first time in my life). I've missed all the random and crazy shennanigans, (did I even spell that right?) along with spending time with ever crazier friends. My class schedule will be a bit more hectic class and time wise, being that I have more in a day than last semester. Not to mention that some of them are back to back (with only ten minutes in between) and it will be a bit of a hike to get from one building to the other. I'll have to time myself the day before classes begin to see just how long it takes me.
- I just realized that I have something going on almost every weekend after I get back; not that I am complaining, because they're fun activities. I just have a bit of planning to do, especially in regards to my birthday...
- Speaking of which, I've been asked about gift ideas and am not short of shelling them out to various friends and family members. But there is one thing that I really want...one thing that only involves one person. I really have got to stop day-dreaming.
- I sound pretty exasperated, don't I? That's what happens when you find yourself with a list of a dozen or so things to do before going back to college....
January 07, 2011
And I Blamed Myself
I stopped crying awhile back, but still continued to think about it day after day, and sometimes at night when I wasn't so exhausted from trying to keep my emotions from spilling over. I would look out my window and wonder where he was at that moment, what he was doing and if he was safe. But the one thought that seemed to repeat itself over and over was that it was partially my fault: If only I had been a better friend, maybe this wouldn't have happened. If only...the list went on endlessly.
Everybody has those little things that they take the blame for, even though they know darn well it wasn't their fault. As crazy and idiotic as it sounds, this was mine.
One of my closest, if not the closest friend I had up to that point, was gone. Not dead and gone exactly, but more like up and left and didn't tell anyone gone.
I'm not sure if it would be appropriate to call it a grieving process, but it was something along the lines of that; at first I was initially angry and hurt, as were very many people. That would occur on and off for quite some time, but it slowly turned into me trying to understand what he might have been thinking or feeling to do what he did at the time. I believe in seeing the very best in people, even when they're at their very worst; because at one point, that's exactly what he did for me.
The whole situation in itself was very hard to talk about; I felt like I couldn't tell very many people what was even going on because a lot of the time all I would get in reply was "Oh, he's a flake and a bad person." Or that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did, which was becoming more obvious with the things that I would hear in the passing weeks.
In reality, I knew that I wasn't the only one that was affected; there were so many people that were probably grappling with it just as much as I was, perhaps on a more deeper level. But it left me feeling alienated from friends, various family members...even God. Silly as it may be, I often found myself praying "God, where are You in all of this?"
Eventually, life had to and did go on; I started my junior year of high school, but would still think of him often. There were a lot of events and milestones that I desperately wished that he had been there for; but I knew that it would because we were in different places in our lives. We talked on and off throughout my junior and senior years, and even when I went into college.
When I was filling out my college applications, one of the essay topics posed the question, "Who has been a big influence in your life and why?" This may raise a few eyebrows, but he was the first person that popped into my head; you never know what a person can teach you just by completely being who they are.
It sucked having to endure having that particular storm, but I won't deny that it taught me a few life lessons:
1. One cannot blame themselves for the choices another person makes; you can teach them, nurture them and be a constant presence in the lives, but there will come a time when they will either apply those teachings or leave them behind. You can't always protect them from the bad stuff, as much as you might want to; they have to stumble and fall and figure it out themselves.
Personally, that's tough to absorb; by nature, I am extremely protective (and as well as loyal) to those that I care about; I've had other friends that have gone through this type of thing, and I still felt the same worries. I look at my siblings and I wonder to myself, am I being a good enough big sister to them: am I doing enough? The same goes for my cousins.
It took me a year or two to figure it out, but that whole thing had very little or nothing to do with me; I just happened to get caught in it because we were so close. At the time, I wanted so badly to help him; but it was something that was beyond my ability. As much as I wanted to, it wasn't my burden to bear.
2. There are certain experiences in life that may feel like hell, but you do survive. While you're going through it, you may think that you're not going to get through it; but eventually, you do. You may have to grit your teeth and bare it or do things you'd rather not. You have to trust that things do happen for a reason, even though something may not make sense right at the time.
3. No matter what you do or how you try to explain it, there are things or situations that some people just won't fully understand. I realize that sounds incredibly bitchy, but I believe it to be true. From a distance, my friendship with this person may have appeared to be that of a rock star and a loyal fan. Or at the very least, a niave little girl with stars in her eyes that refused to see what was right in front of her. I really don't know.
But from my perspective, it wasn't like that at all. I've stopped trying to explain it, because it would involve me having to talk about things that I would prefer not to talk about. Whenever we talked, the two of us, it was always extremely honest and real; I never hesitated to hold anything back, because I knew that he wouldn't look down on me for it. That's why I'm always selective when it comes to confiding in friends or family members about specific topics; just because a person may react to it one way doesn't mean that the reaction will be the same for everyone else.
I do miss having him in my life; I miss telling him about school and my family and the things that I've experienced while at college. I want him to see that I've changed for the better and that I really am genuinely happy. One of my hopes for 2011 is that we just might be able to sit down face to face and actually catch up. We've tried to do so many times over the years, but something always got in the way (mostly technology...damn cell phones not working right). I don't expect anything huge to really come from it, just the chance to reconnect for a day or so.
If there's one thing that basically sums up what I have learned the most, it's this quote:
You cannot save people; but you can love them.
~Anaïs Nin
Everybody has those little things that they take the blame for, even though they know darn well it wasn't their fault. As crazy and idiotic as it sounds, this was mine.
One of my closest, if not the closest friend I had up to that point, was gone. Not dead and gone exactly, but more like up and left and didn't tell anyone gone.
I'm not sure if it would be appropriate to call it a grieving process, but it was something along the lines of that; at first I was initially angry and hurt, as were very many people. That would occur on and off for quite some time, but it slowly turned into me trying to understand what he might have been thinking or feeling to do what he did at the time. I believe in seeing the very best in people, even when they're at their very worst; because at one point, that's exactly what he did for me.
The whole situation in itself was very hard to talk about; I felt like I couldn't tell very many people what was even going on because a lot of the time all I would get in reply was "Oh, he's a flake and a bad person." Or that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did, which was becoming more obvious with the things that I would hear in the passing weeks.
In reality, I knew that I wasn't the only one that was affected; there were so many people that were probably grappling with it just as much as I was, perhaps on a more deeper level. But it left me feeling alienated from friends, various family members...even God. Silly as it may be, I often found myself praying "God, where are You in all of this?"
Eventually, life had to and did go on; I started my junior year of high school, but would still think of him often. There were a lot of events and milestones that I desperately wished that he had been there for; but I knew that it would because we were in different places in our lives. We talked on and off throughout my junior and senior years, and even when I went into college.
When I was filling out my college applications, one of the essay topics posed the question, "Who has been a big influence in your life and why?" This may raise a few eyebrows, but he was the first person that popped into my head; you never know what a person can teach you just by completely being who they are.
It sucked having to endure having that particular storm, but I won't deny that it taught me a few life lessons:
1. One cannot blame themselves for the choices another person makes; you can teach them, nurture them and be a constant presence in the lives, but there will come a time when they will either apply those teachings or leave them behind. You can't always protect them from the bad stuff, as much as you might want to; they have to stumble and fall and figure it out themselves.
Personally, that's tough to absorb; by nature, I am extremely protective (and as well as loyal) to those that I care about; I've had other friends that have gone through this type of thing, and I still felt the same worries. I look at my siblings and I wonder to myself, am I being a good enough big sister to them: am I doing enough? The same goes for my cousins.
It took me a year or two to figure it out, but that whole thing had very little or nothing to do with me; I just happened to get caught in it because we were so close. At the time, I wanted so badly to help him; but it was something that was beyond my ability. As much as I wanted to, it wasn't my burden to bear.
2. There are certain experiences in life that may feel like hell, but you do survive. While you're going through it, you may think that you're not going to get through it; but eventually, you do. You may have to grit your teeth and bare it or do things you'd rather not. You have to trust that things do happen for a reason, even though something may not make sense right at the time.
3. No matter what you do or how you try to explain it, there are things or situations that some people just won't fully understand. I realize that sounds incredibly bitchy, but I believe it to be true. From a distance, my friendship with this person may have appeared to be that of a rock star and a loyal fan. Or at the very least, a niave little girl with stars in her eyes that refused to see what was right in front of her. I really don't know.
But from my perspective, it wasn't like that at all. I've stopped trying to explain it, because it would involve me having to talk about things that I would prefer not to talk about. Whenever we talked, the two of us, it was always extremely honest and real; I never hesitated to hold anything back, because I knew that he wouldn't look down on me for it. That's why I'm always selective when it comes to confiding in friends or family members about specific topics; just because a person may react to it one way doesn't mean that the reaction will be the same for everyone else.
I do miss having him in my life; I miss telling him about school and my family and the things that I've experienced while at college. I want him to see that I've changed for the better and that I really am genuinely happy. One of my hopes for 2011 is that we just might be able to sit down face to face and actually catch up. We've tried to do so many times over the years, but something always got in the way (mostly technology...damn cell phones not working right). I don't expect anything huge to really come from it, just the chance to reconnect for a day or so.
If there's one thing that basically sums up what I have learned the most, it's this quote:
You cannot save people; but you can love them.
~Anaïs Nin
January 04, 2011
Beating The Winter Blues
After I published yesterday's post, it dawned on me that I might be experiencing the start of what some may call "The January Blues." (For some, that feeling may last all winter). I've never been a fan of this particular month; Christmas has come and gone, it's still cold out, and at some point the beautiful winter scenery turns to mud and slush. It's the month that a lot of the time leaves me going "now what?" As I'm typing this, I've begun to come up with some tips to keep one from feeling down in the dumps all the time.
#1: Try Something New-There are a million different things to do and hobbies to get involved in, and chances are you've only done half of it. If there's something you've been dying to try, quit making excuses (the "I have no time" has become a bunch of BS to me...make time) and go do it! I've been wanting to learn how to actually cook for the longest time; last night I started with baked ranch chicken, some rice and mixed veggies. Granted, I had to have a little help...but it's a start!
#2: Use Technology Sparingly: as I point out in one of my blogs from awhile ago (you can read it here), technology can be both a blessing and a curse. When I say use technology sparingly, I mean the TV, cell phone, and internet. As much as Facebook and texting both help me stay connected with friends and family members, it's begun to piss me off alot. (I'm just getting this off my chest when I say how much I hate it when people post where they're going or who they are with: not only is it annoying, but it's not the safest thing to do). And I know deep down that it happens to a lot of people: one logs onto Facebook in hopes of seeing that little red notification box indicating that they either have a new message or wall post, and there is nothing. One sends out a text message to either one specific person or a multitude of persons and then they find themselves literally waiting for hours just to hear back from someone.
I speak truthfully from experience when I say that when neither happens, it can become beyond frustrating. Eventually you start to have doubts about whether or not certain people actually care about you or whether or not they want to spend time with you. In reality, it may or may not even be about you: there are friends of mine that don't technically have a winter break; they have full time jobs and have to support themselves. Along with that, cell phones break or go dead, and there are times when a person has no control over that. They have their own lives to live, and as hard as that is to do, one should at least try to be understanding of that.
I'm not saying to avoid it completely; instead, set a designated time when you're going to use the computer (for me, it's once in the morning and sometimes at night) and stick to it. Try to make all your phone calls and send out text messages at a specific time as well. Even more than that, skip the texting and just call the person; it helps to have more interaction then just looking at words on a screen. On the other hand, I do know that there are people that prefer texting over calling; but one a friend calls you up and needs to talk, do your best to put your feelings aside and let them vent. That friend may need you more than you know..
#3: Exercise-Physical activity can do so much; you build strength and endurance, give you more energy, and just ultimately put you in a good mood. I've started going to my local health club at least once a day; but not everyone enjoys the same old treadmill or weights; instead, do what you're comfortable with. Play a sport, go rock climbing, practice yoga, etc. It's a heck of a lot better than sitting on your butt doing nothing.
#4: Get Into A Routine: It helps me to know when I'm doing something and for how long. I'm a morning person, so I usually like to get up before noon and get going: I drink my coffee and watch General Hospital (yeah yeah, go ahead and laugh), eat a light breakfast, do what I need to do on the computer, go work out, shower, and if I don't have plans for the evening, I just chill. The key thing about a routine is to stick with it as much as possible, but don't beat yourself up if you break it at times. I do occasionally stay up late when I'm out with friends and sleep in the next morning. I have lazy days. You need to do those things every once and awhile.
#5: Don't Be Afraid to Let it Out-Let's face it; being happy every single day doesn't work. For some people, it's easy to act like everything is OK when they're screaming inside. But we all go through trials and difficult times. It's important to surround yourself with people that will allow you to vent or cry when you need to; the key thing is not to do it all the time. If you have a problem, talk about it once and than move on. The less you focus on it, more than likely it won't become as big of a deal in your life. Write about. Pray. Whatever you do, don't hold it in.
Putting these tips into practice (I will most definitely include myself in this) is easier said than done. However, I do hope that it makes anyone feeling down and out during what I've come to call the "blahh" season a bit better. Just take it a day at a time. For me personally, that is the difficult part because I'm not always patient and am more of a planner than spontaneous. Eventually, you'll get the hang of it.
#1: Try Something New-There are a million different things to do and hobbies to get involved in, and chances are you've only done half of it. If there's something you've been dying to try, quit making excuses (the "I have no time" has become a bunch of BS to me...make time) and go do it! I've been wanting to learn how to actually cook for the longest time; last night I started with baked ranch chicken, some rice and mixed veggies. Granted, I had to have a little help...but it's a start!
#2: Use Technology Sparingly: as I point out in one of my blogs from awhile ago (you can read it here), technology can be both a blessing and a curse. When I say use technology sparingly, I mean the TV, cell phone, and internet. As much as Facebook and texting both help me stay connected with friends and family members, it's begun to piss me off alot. (I'm just getting this off my chest when I say how much I hate it when people post where they're going or who they are with: not only is it annoying, but it's not the safest thing to do). And I know deep down that it happens to a lot of people: one logs onto Facebook in hopes of seeing that little red notification box indicating that they either have a new message or wall post, and there is nothing. One sends out a text message to either one specific person or a multitude of persons and then they find themselves literally waiting for hours just to hear back from someone.
I speak truthfully from experience when I say that when neither happens, it can become beyond frustrating. Eventually you start to have doubts about whether or not certain people actually care about you or whether or not they want to spend time with you. In reality, it may or may not even be about you: there are friends of mine that don't technically have a winter break; they have full time jobs and have to support themselves. Along with that, cell phones break or go dead, and there are times when a person has no control over that. They have their own lives to live, and as hard as that is to do, one should at least try to be understanding of that.
I'm not saying to avoid it completely; instead, set a designated time when you're going to use the computer (for me, it's once in the morning and sometimes at night) and stick to it. Try to make all your phone calls and send out text messages at a specific time as well. Even more than that, skip the texting and just call the person; it helps to have more interaction then just looking at words on a screen. On the other hand, I do know that there are people that prefer texting over calling; but one a friend calls you up and needs to talk, do your best to put your feelings aside and let them vent. That friend may need you more than you know..
#3: Exercise-Physical activity can do so much; you build strength and endurance, give you more energy, and just ultimately put you in a good mood. I've started going to my local health club at least once a day; but not everyone enjoys the same old treadmill or weights; instead, do what you're comfortable with. Play a sport, go rock climbing, practice yoga, etc. It's a heck of a lot better than sitting on your butt doing nothing.
#4: Get Into A Routine: It helps me to know when I'm doing something and for how long. I'm a morning person, so I usually like to get up before noon and get going: I drink my coffee and watch General Hospital (yeah yeah, go ahead and laugh), eat a light breakfast, do what I need to do on the computer, go work out, shower, and if I don't have plans for the evening, I just chill. The key thing about a routine is to stick with it as much as possible, but don't beat yourself up if you break it at times. I do occasionally stay up late when I'm out with friends and sleep in the next morning. I have lazy days. You need to do those things every once and awhile.
#5: Don't Be Afraid to Let it Out-Let's face it; being happy every single day doesn't work. For some people, it's easy to act like everything is OK when they're screaming inside. But we all go through trials and difficult times. It's important to surround yourself with people that will allow you to vent or cry when you need to; the key thing is not to do it all the time. If you have a problem, talk about it once and than move on. The less you focus on it, more than likely it won't become as big of a deal in your life. Write about. Pray. Whatever you do, don't hold it in.
Putting these tips into practice (I will most definitely include myself in this) is easier said than done. However, I do hope that it makes anyone feeling down and out during what I've come to call the "blahh" season a bit better. Just take it a day at a time. For me personally, that is the difficult part because I'm not always patient and am more of a planner than spontaneous. Eventually, you'll get the hang of it.
January 03, 2011
Stream of Conscience #1
I've decided to start doing "stream of conscience" blog posts as a way of blogging consistently when I don't have anything in particular to blog about, as well as becoming more authentic about my writing. I usually like to write about specific topics, but sometimes it can take awhile and I would like to start actually blogging on here about every other day during the week. So on days where I'm either experiencing writer's block or I don't want to spend five hours on the computer trying to write it down, I figure I could just post whatever is on my mind at the moment...
- The holidays are officially over and surprisingly I don't feel as glum as I used to when taking down the Christmas decorations and getting the house back to "normal." I think it's because in previous years, Christmas being over meant going back to school; that is, back to wearing a uniform, waking up at five o'clock in the morning Monday through Friday and just counting down the days until graduation. Now a days, it is different.
- However, I have two more weeks left at home, which leaves me feeling both anxious and a little frustrated. As much as I love spending time with my family and catching up with old friends, I've realized that being at home is like trying to wear a pair of jeans that you just don't fit into anymore. Going away to school allowed me to do what I wanted when I wanted to do it: I could go out at 11:00 or later, walk downtown in about ten to twenty minutes, and could just basically do it all on my own time. And I rarely have to ask for help to do any of it.
- But while it might be somewhat agitating to not be busy all the time, I do enjoy sleeping late and doing things that I don't normally get to do while in college; that being reading, taking baths, watching my favorite TV shows on a regular basis. There's no need to worry about studying or homework.
- Yet it has gotten to a point where I've become tired of just simply "vegging out" so to speak. I've started working out again and my parents are teaching me how to cook. Along with that, I have a few story ideas in mind and am working on putting those to paper.
- I also hope that I might get to spend time with a few people before I leave; people that I haven't seen nor spent any time with for quite some time. People that I miss terribly and would give anything just to spend a few hours with. I just hate how something so simple as that seems to have turned into something so difficult. Technology definitely isn't helping either.
- My apologies for this post sounding rather negative, especially since it's my first post of 2011. I'm just in one of those moods...
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