Transparent Sanctuary

I wrote this while waiting for a church service to start last weekend; it was definitely a think-out-loud moment, as I've been working figuring out how to move forward, away from the craziness of the last year. It seems simplistic, self-explanatory, even; but that might be because starting over is a lot like learning how to walk again, especially if you've been stuck in an unhealthy way of living for a very long time.

Transparent Sanctuary

I am afraid

I’ve been so for thirteen years

Cowering in the corners

Of my mind

Allowing pictures of misconceptions

Stemming from past words spoken

I fear

Not being enough

Unable to meet the needs

Of a significant other, a lover

Leaving without warning

Already distanced from those

I've grown up with

I’m hesitant

To write

About my perspective

To acknowledge

The Reality

To express my truth

Of who I am

And what I’ve been through

For repercussions lurk around dark corners

I know

It’s not about me

What I did or haven’t done

Despite what I once believed

I’m not responsible for

The choices of others

I cannot bear blame

Or burden

For what’s out of my control

But the challenge is to let go

And leave what was alone

I want

To rise above my past

What is realistically, now only memories

To be vulnerable

Be comfortable with asking

For what I need

To share my life with those around me

Loving deeply, purely, honestly

And so it is

photo credit: Mr. Dupont's Rose Gardens via photopin (license)