Processing

When I'm having a hard time articulating my thoughts, whether it be out loud or in prose/essay form, I tend to write poetry as a way of letting it out. Right now I'm experiencing an insane mixture of emotions regarding my upcoming college graduation; I understand that my friends and I all have different ways of dealing with this sort of change, so I thought that if I can't actually talk about it very much, at least I would start writing it down. 

Processing

For a number of years

 I’ve been watching through a window

Trying to fit the reflection

 Of the person I thought I should be

Encircled by a list of do’s and don’ts

Wondering and second-guessing

Which side I belonged on

Waiting for the walls to fall down

And so they came crumbling

Yet instinctively I still feel urged to protect myself

Hold it in, don’t waste your tears

Just let it go

Now on the threshold

Of what feels like forever

Going out into what is unknown

Seeing now 

That independence does not equal loneliness

And caring and being cared for means keeping friends close

By embrace or by vulnerability

Rather than following cultural norms

When I’m afraid

Or have to pretend that I am braver

Then I actually feel

I remind myself

that new chapters are for new choices

That family history

 Does not necessarily have to repeat itself

And that going back in miles

Does not have to mean going back in time

Life is not just about where you look

How you choose to see the world

Or the people in it

Watching through a window means nothing

If that’s all you ever do

I’m not one who's willing

To sit back and settle

For whatever I get handed

I’ll work for it

I’ll fight for it

I’ll live

photo credit: paul bica via photopin cc