We're a couple of days into a brand new year, and I can't say that I'm sorry to see the previous one go. Reverb13 has come to an end, and within this next week I hope to be back to my regular blogging routine. That being said, I have a few final thoughts that I'd like to share.
This go-around was very interesting; instead of following one particular website or blog that was hosting, I would pick prompts from different blogs, sometimes finding ways to make them my own. I didn't write every single day (which usually is the case each year) but I frequently found myself going days or even a full week without posting something. At first I thought it was because I was stuck in some kind of rut or experiencing writers block; but the truth is, this year has been filled with so much emotion and major ups and downs that the thought of blogging about it was almost too overwhelming. I definitely wrote about it, but did so within the private pages of my journal or in essay form that I only allowed certain people to read. With so many unknowns and what-if's, I simply thought it best not to share at this time, and that's OK.
Looking back on both my public and private writings, I can only sum up the past year as the year of coming undone. The year that what I thought I knew about myself, my family, and my life began to unravel; not necessarily in a way that was bad, it just gave me the opportunity to look at those aspects with a more mature attitude. It forced me to confront how often I tend to idolize or romanticize things, rather than view them for what they ultimately and truly are: imperfect. Imperfect, but still beautiful and worth appreciating.
As I ponder and pray about my own resolution for 2014, I can't come up with one singular word that encompasses what I envision. Instead, I'd like to think of it as a cluster: multiple words that point to the same thing.
These are the three words, the cluster that comes to mind as I look ahead.
Hope in what I cannot see. Putting my hope and faith in God alone. Building a firm foundation as I transition from one chapter to the next, so even in the times of instability and not knowing, I can rest in the fact that I have my faith.
Surrender what I can't control. I'm not going to sit back and let everything just happen; with that mindset, I wouldn't get anywhere in life. There has to be an effort on my part. That being said, I've realized just how important it is to understand that getting there will not be easy. I may reach my end-goal and/or get what I want, but it will most likely be full of unexpected setbacks, detours, and changes. And it's easier to deal with all of that when I stop trying to control what isn't mine to control in the first place. It's trusting in the One that is greater than myself to put all the little pieces together as opposed to trying to force it all to come together on my own.
New Beginnings are what I have to create for myself, and I'm even more aware of that now than I was in high school or middle school. I don't have to carry my past with me and I can break this dysfunctional cycle that I've been trapped in for years. I feel like a lion that's been in hibernation and will probably come out roaring. But what I'm trying to get at here is that we all have a chance to do things differently and perhaps do something great: you just have to be willing to start walking, and keep going regardless of how hard or scary it gets.
Despite the setbacks and roadblocks, 2013 was a great year for writing, growth, and connection. I have a feeling that it will only get better from here on out!