Over The Mountain

We've all done it at some point or another; in a time of crisis, chaos, or pain we tend to say "If such and such happens, then it will be better." It is the point of relief, where once we reach it, we can just sit back and relax because the ride is a hell of a lot easier. Or at least it should be.


When I was young, I clung to to it with my life, allowing it to give me an often false sense of hope: "Once my Dad gets a job, once I get a boyfriend, once people stop being mean to me...." I saw it as a cure-all for the pain that I was in. Yet in reality, they were just band-aids covering up the issues that I was refusing to deal with or sort through. 


Lately, I have begun to call this way of thinking "Over The Mountain Syndrome." It is where one thinks that the climb may be tough, but once you get to the top, everything must be smooth sailing from here on out. To put it in non-cliche terms, it is depending on what is to come of the future to somehow take away to the pain, frustration, or discontentment that a person may be feeling. In reality, it is not always guarenteed to happen, whether it happens at all or in the way we want it to.


My old youth pastor once explained to me in a way that was both hard to hear and sobering at the same time. When I was a sophomore in high school, he explained to my youth group that "life doesn't really get any better; you're always going to have problems that you have to deal with and struggles that you have to face. Which is why you can't depend on things or even people to make everything OK. It all comes down to how you choose to react and how you choose to handle it."


It initially did not make very much sense to me; it was as if he was saying that because these were my issues, I would have to fix them myself. However, over the years that view slowly changed; I feel like right now I have a more clear understanding of that particular message. 


It is not necessarily that we have to be the ones to fix all our problems, or even depend on outside sources (friends, family, events, etc.) to fix it for us. There are certain instances of pain and/or struggle that cannot be fixed, so to speak. Sometimes it is more or less just allowing time to pass and allowing matters to sort themselves out. Other times it's refusing to let the pain get the best of you and focus on the positive aspects. 


I am writing about this particular topic because I am going through a difficult trial right now. I won't go into details at the moment, but it has a lot to do with intrusive personal thoughts (in other words, thinking about things that aren't really true) and feeling incredibly let down by certain people in my life. I haven't really talked about it with anyone, because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. If anything, I would rather have support and encouragement as opposed to pity. 


However, that does not mean I am going to sit around wallowing in my troubles, all the while expecting something or someone to find some magical cure. I am beginning to understand that you cannot rely on other people to make you happy, but that you have to be able to make yourself happy. How exactly that works, I haven't quite figured out yet; but what I do know is that I am determined to come out of this, even if it means clawing my way out (literally). 


And if I am that determined to do something, one can bet that I most certainly will do it.