Technolgism

My Mother sent me an e-mail a couple of weeks ago that was titled "To the under-forty crowd" about how lucky my generation has been in regards to technology and how easy it has made our lives. There's a lot of truth to it; for instance, we can pretty much communicate with anyone we want at any time. We can control what we watch and what we listen to, and for how long and for how much. We can basically have everything we want packed into one little microchip.


I remember the various stages of technology; when I was about eight, my Dad set up my first e-mail account, we still had dial-up, I owned both a regular CD player as well as the portable version. To answer the phone, we had to say "Hello, (last name) residence!" because you couldn't see who was calling. 


When I was eleven I got The Sims Deluxe Edition for my birthday, which I was once spent about seven hours per day playing. Virtually being able to control other people's lives was the easiest cure for boredom, but would become the cause for boredom when it began having problems and eventually crashed the computer (Mom, suffice to say, was not very happy about that). She threatened to crack the discs in half many times over.


At thirteen I had my first cell phone, alas it was a trac-phone that you continually added minutes too. I had AIM installed, making in easier to communicate with friends. "Buddy Profiles", as well as having Xanga blogs were pretty popular at the time. 


 At fourteen I had a flip-phone as well as the fastest computer in the house. And I made a myspace profile and kept in touch with people on there; this is turn started the "New Pictures! Please comment" craze among many girls my age at that time. I realize that I myself did this at that particular time, but talk about low self-esteem! Does one seriously need people to tell them how hot their pictures are in order to feel good? I strongly believe that quite a few of them did. And to look "hot" so to speak, there was no smiling, and a couple hours of photoshopping. 


I was given an MP3 player at the end of eighth grade, which eventually led to receiving my brother's old first generation ipod,  I got a Nano at some point during freshman year, and after the sound became messed up I returned it (thank goodness for year-long warranty!) I currently own the second generation Nano. 


Of all things, I was introduced to Facebook during the summer of my freshman year. Currently, I have skype, and I caved and made myself a twitter account. I'm debating as to whether or not I want to get an Ipod Touch for school, but am going to wait until I come home for the first time to see if I really need it. Oh yeah, and don't forget the blu-ray player in the living room. 


Now granted, having these kinds of things makes life ten times more easier, especially in terms of writing and communicating. But this technological frontier also has a dark side; it tends to suck you into a lifestyle that isn't always very healthy. 


Let's take Facebook, for example. When I first started using it, I enjoyed being able to keep up with what was going on in my friend's lives, especially the ones that I didn't go to school with. I loved it when people posted on my wall, if only just for the sake of saying hello.


And really, who doesn't love it when people take the time to talk to them? From my freshman through junior year of high school, I was logging on to this cyber network almost ten times per day. If my current crush at the time sent me a message or post on my wall, it pretty much made my day. But if they didn't, or if any of my friends didn't talk to me for a long time, the doubts would set in. Does this person truly like me? Did I do something to make them mad? What's going on? When Facebook started up with the whole chat thing, I would either walk away feeling like I was on cloud nine, or completely pissed off. This was the case when it came to boys, in particular. 


Oh and let's not forget texting. During my junior year, I often lost sleep because I stayed up until midnight or later texting people. There was something about being able to have a deep and intelligent conversation with someone underneath the covers with only the light of a phone screen (as risque as that sounds, there's some truth to it). Most nights I fell asleep a happy girl, but there were nights where I also cried to exhaustion as well. 


And that's why I call it technologism; because for millions of people, it's addicting. Whether it be with the internet or some type of gadget, they just have to have it. 


Since then I've begun to limit myself as to how often I use the internet, at times for how often I even go on the computer. For anything you do in life, balance is the key. It's all right to social network and what not with others, just make sure you're not constantly connected to it. That's why I only go on Facebook, blogger, etc. twice a day and stay away from it while I'm on vacation. 


I actually do have a challenge for anyone who reads this: One will claim that they can't survive without television, the computer, and about a half a dozen other things. But previous generations lived without it for at least fifty years, so I do believe that it's possible that my generation can as well. 

• Instead of sitting in front of the TV and vegging, watching only one hour per day. The rest of the time, go outside, getting a couple of people together (or maybe even a whole group) and play some type of game. If you're able to, go swimming! Go for a walk. Read a book. 
• Heck, if you even want to go a bit further, try only watching the local cable channels; Don't use a DVR or Tivo to record anything. If you miss it, well then you miss it. You're life is not going to end just because you didn't get to watch Pretty Little Liars.
• Forgo texting and the internet (for at least one day) to communicate. Keep the cell phone in your room unless you need it. Make an actual phone call. Or why not just walk over and talk to them if you're able to?
• Start keeping an actual journal if you don't have one. If you're a blogger like myself, take a couple of days to write down your own personal thoughts. I have a journal of my own, but haven't kept up with it very much. Write down personal thoughts and feelings that you wouldn't dare share with anyone else. 
• Maybe you could even take a break from those earbuds for a bit and crank up the radio. Granted you're not in control of what song comes on, but that's half the fun! You might even find yourself introduced to a new artist or genre because of it. 

I know that times are changing and people are inventing new things every day. I'm all for keeping up with it and trying it out at some point or another. I just don't believe in making it an entire lifestyle. There is certainly more to life then just what goes on in the cyber-world. 

The Other Side

Whenever I've thought about relationships in my life, it was always a never-ending reel about how other people could love me; I would know my Mother loved me if she just listened to my point of view and tried to understand where I was coming from, rather then make assumptions and try to give me advice all the time. I would know my friends loved me if they came to me and were honest about what I did to hurt them, rather than be given the silent treatment and let things sit there until they boiled over. I would know that a boy loved me if he took the time to get to know me rather than just put me in a category right away. 

Over the last five years, that attitude and mindset has undergone quite a change.This past year especially, when reality sort of hit me straight in the face and practically yelled It's NOT just about YOU, ya know!!


There are a lot of times where I hear people complaining about how their friends mooch off of them and they don't get anything in return, or the kinds of things they want their present or future significant others to do for them. It got me thinking about various kinds of relationships that people have in their lives; that regardless if it's platonic or romantic, relationships have to involve some kind of giving as well as taking. 


I also began to look at the people in my own life, and unfortunately began to feel as though a lot of my own relationships are one-sided. That it's easy to recall the millions of times that people have been there to take care of me; they've allowed me to gush (and occasionally brag) about the good times, rant and rave about the bad, and have given me advice whenever I needed it. It left me with the realization that so many people have done so much for me, but I personally felt like I haven't done very much for them. Granted, this is a very selfish example, but its like I always confide in certain people for advice, but then I get shut out whenever they're dealing with their own issues. 


In turn I questioned myself: Am I judgemental toward others without realizing it? Is it due to the fact that I'm an emotional person (and I have a bad habit of worrying too much)? Do they not trust me? Or maybe it's just hard for them to trust anyone, regardless. 


Yet in the midst of that kind of insecurity, there is an even bigger (and perhaps more uncomfortable) question to be answered: Does a person want to help others because they truly care for them? Or is it just so for the sake of making yourself feel good? For example, if you see someone trip and fall, are you going to help them up because you really want to, or is it just so you don't go about the rest of your day feeling guilty about not helping them up. 


Suffice to say, that "Wonder Woman" mindset that I frequently speak of tends to kick in to more than one gear; whenever I see people that I love suffering or going through a difficult time in their lives, I want to be able to do whatever I can to help. 


However, I often forget the reasons as to why I personally don't always talk to even my friends and family members about what goes on in my life; sometimes people are scared to talk about it. It could be that they want to figure it out for themselves before going to anyone else. Or maybe they're just waiting for someone to come to them. 


I worry about the fact that I'm not going to be around very much for my sister, who's going into middle school, or my cousins that are both going into high school. I worry about not being able to be there to give advice, or offer words of support, encouragement, and/or comfort. 


The harsh reality of it is that sometimes no matter what you do, people will still make there own choices. One can raise a child in a church, a good family, or both and often times they'll still make mistakes or do things that they shouldn't. 


Even more, one cannot protect people they love from any kind of pain or hardship. They have to be able to face their own demons and fight their own battles, one way or the other. 


Ironic how my name means "Protector of mankind"


When I've come to care about someone romantically, the hardest part is not being able to fully express how much I care about them; in regards to a relationship, I don't think about what I'd like a guy to do for me. I think about how I would like to have the ability and the opportunity to love someone with my whole heart and soul and to take care of them. When it comes to being single, it's not about the lack of what can be given to me. It's what I can give to someone else. 


 Come to think of it, that's the reason why I hug people so tightly; when I practically squeeze the life out of a friend or family member, it's personal way of saying "I love you, I care about you, and I'm always here for you." And if they don't know that by my verbal words, I hope they will know by my actions.


I guess I just miss being able to connect with people as a whole; I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and had a genuine heart to heart with anyone. It seems like whenever I talk to someone, it's the standard "hello, how are you? I'm fine" type of conversation. There is a huge part of me that constantly wants to ask "no, how are you really doing?" In a way, I'd like to be able forgo superficiality for a little bit. 


And I'm not saying that those kinds of things have to happen all the time. No one really wants to sit down day after day and talk about what's going on in there lives; but I'm leaving for college in a few weeks, and I'd like to have the opportunity to let people to know that I care for them and that I'd like to stay in touch with them. 


I remember when I wrote a college essay about a close friend of mine that has made a world of difference in my life. After he read it, he commented that he hadn't realized just how much he had done for me. 


With that, I've come to this: The greatest things we do in life, whether it be for others or for ourselves, will be often the things that tend to go unrecognized.

Really Now...

I was recently on itunes, just browsing through the new music section to see if there was anything good. As much as I didn't want to, I wound up clicking on Miley Cyrus, just to see if she had actually come up with anything decent this time. Granted, I usually like her; I read her book and she honestly seemed like a down-to-earth person. And, I didn't really mind Hannah Montana as long as my sister wasn't blasting it loud enough to hear it through the walls.


But what I came across at this particular point just bugged me to no end; it wasn't just that she was dressed to work a street corner, or that her latest music video was flat-out weird. It's not that she sounds out of her mind when she talks about being allowed to live on her own, or possibly getting married when she's of legal age.


It's that while she's trying to ditch her tween-friendly image and prove to the world that she's more "adult," she seems to forget that she's only seventeen years old. 


There's no denying that whether you're a guy or a girl, everyone goes through that at some point; you want to be independent and not be treated like a child all the time. You're tired of being told what to do and what to believe. When all is said and done, you want to have the ability to live your own life on your own terms. I can understand that, because I'm currently going through that type of experience.


But there are certain ways to go about it; when one constantly shoves themselves in people's faces saying "look at me, I'm all grown up!" those people tend not to pay attention; 1.) they get sick of it really fast 2.) They know that the person is most likely not doing it for themselves, but for the sake of pleasing others. And when you're doing something solely for the purpose of someone else, most of the time it will not turn out the way you want it to.


Another thing that gets overlooked is that these transitions take time. I think teen stars these days would actually be taken more seriously if they actually took the time to mature; maybe step out of the spotlight for a year or two and focus on other interests. Go to prom. Graduate from high school. Go to college and get a degree in another field, because fame doesn't always last forever. Be a mentor to another up and coming artist.


Of course, there is the "well, Britney, Christina, and Lindsay did it...so why can't she?" type of argument. There's definitely some truth to that, but they've always had somewhat of a sexual edge to them, and they were more in their twenties when they began walking around scantily clad and doing strip-teases on stage (I don't condone that in any way, but it's more, shall we say "common" for a woman to do that in their twenties and up than when they're not of legal age). And aside from Christina, who (thankfully) cleaned up her act after awhile, look where the other two ended up; both have partied and been to rehab on multiple occasions, eventually becoming more known for their antics and scandals rather than their movies or music. 


Sadly, I have a feeling that this girl has lit a rocket fuse that is only headed for when destination: trouble. 


What bugs me even more then celebrities doing this kind of stuff, is kids in general just growing up way too fast. And no, I'm not just talking about the music they listen to or the clothes they wear, despite the fact that both those aspects have become questionable. I'm talking about kids in their late tweens and early teens (possibly even older then that) having this skewed view of adulthood; they believe that once they get older, everything will be just fine and dandy. 


Personally, I believe that their is no particular "rite of passage" when it comes to this phase in life. Having sex, for whatever reason, does not make you an adult. Drinking alcohol does not make you an adult. Wearing certain amounts of clothing does not make you an adult. Living on your own, getting married, having babies (or whatever order one chooses to do those things in) does not make you an adult. 


In reality, it's all about maturity and how you handle things. Obviously, mistakes will be made and consequences will have to be dealt with. But that's a part of life; take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge that you messed up. At some point, you have to forgive yourself, allow others to forgive you, and move on. 


For me, the most rewarding (and hardest part) about being an adult is coming to the realization that it's not all about me; that with whatever choices I make, other people will be affected. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. When I don't make good decisions for myself, I hurt other people as well. 


I didn't write this to say that  I have it all together, or that I'm perfect. Just because I'm eighteen and going to college doesn't necessarily mean I'm "all grown up" so to speak. I don't believe there to be a specific age where we stop growing, at least emotionally and spiritually. You learn something new about yourself and about the world each and every day. 


My main point is that if you want people to see you in a different light, you can't force it or rush into anything. Just be, and the right people will notice and respect you because of it. Don't be in a hurry to grow up, because there will come a point where you're going to wish you were young again.