I have six weeks left to go. About a month, minus the weekends.
I don't say that with sadness, nor with a "get me out of here!" kind of attitude. It's rather strange, almost foreign when I think about it; maybe because a good amount of people thought I wasn't going to make it. Not because I wasn't smart enough, but because they didn't expect me to live past infancy.
It hasn't quite hit me yet. I know it's coming up, but it just seems so out there.
Life in general has brought me a lot of joy in the last couple of weeks: my college loan was approved, I got into the dorm that I wanted (on top of that, my whole floor is English and Writing majors!) and I'm going to prom with an incredibly sweet guy. But it's not just happenings that are putting a mile-wide smile on my face.
Whenever I look in the mirror, I no longer see a girl that allowed her insecurities to get the best of her or constantly relied on other people to make her happy. Instead, I see a young woman that's allowed her experiences, both good and bad, to mold her into the person that she is; a strong, outgoing, spunky (sometimes feisty) independent woman.
I feel really good about all of it. And not to sound full of myself, but I'm rather proud of these changes. I've come a long way, both from my younger years and the beginning of this year.
It's fresh and inviting, this new perspective that I have. I'm not focusing on boys in particular because I want to give someone the chance to pursue me. Let me tell you, it's nice when someone in particular isn't dominating your every thought or emotion. That's not to say that I don't think about certain people, but I'm not fixated. I want to be in a relationship for the right reasons and for the both of us to truly have feelings for each other. There's a difference between liking someone for who they are, and liking someone because you like the idea of who they are.
I'm just choosing to go with the flow. Letting go and letting God. I'm putting my thoughts into actions, but I'm not being a perfectionist about any of it.
Ultimately, I'm in a good place at this moment. I don't have any particular plan, but sometimes you get more then you expected when you just let things happen as they're meant to happen.