Beauty and What It Means to Me

Beauty and the subject of it have been around since the beginning of time; but these days, it seems have to have become the epicenter of modern American culture. There isn't a magazine that hasn't covered the topic or doesn't constantly focus on it. So much in fact, that photos get constantly airbrushed and doctored as to convey the message that "beauty equals perfection"


And that, unfortunately, is a message that has carried itself over to millions of women (and even men) world-wide. I see and hear about so many teens and young women putting on nearly a pound of make-up every single day. (One girl I went to high school with  during my freshman year would apply and reapply cover-up/face powder almost hourly. Now granted, she struggled with bad acne but truth be told it wasn't really helping). The number of eating disorders are going up almost every day because they want to be stick thin; and for those who are actually comfortable with their body type, they get criticized for being supposedly fat.(I'm thinking of Jessica Simpson here, whom I think is one of the few celebrities that doesn't act completely fake). Frankly, all of it as a whole is incredibly disgusting as well as sad. 


In my own personal opinion, there are two main things when it comes to beauty. In regards to physical beauty, moderation is key. I'm all for wearing make-up, going tanning and even cosmetic surgery, but I really think it depends on how much and why. I believe that make-up should emphasize one's natural features; when I wear it, I try to stick with the shades and colors that go best with my eyes and skin tone. Just as well, I  have different looks for both day and night; in other words, I try to avoid heavy amounts of eye-shadow and eye-liner unless I'm going out and/or it's for a special occasion.


 When it comes to tanning, I don't think a little vitamin D will kill you. At the same time, skin cancer does run on my mother's side of the family, so I am careful as to how often I do tan and remembering to wear sunscreen while outside. And although I wouldn't have plastic surgery unless I felt I absolutely had to, I'm not going to judge those that do. The only thing I will say on that particular subject is that if one does decide to have it, he or she will have to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly. 


Even more important than physical beauty is emotional beauty; that it shouldn't be about what you look like, but how you feel. Don't go wearing seven or eight-inch heels if you think you're going to break your neck in them (as much as they say that pain is beauty, I don't find that to be true all the time). I'm all for being attractive in what I wear, but I'm not going to wear clothing that I feel vulnerable in or ultimately sends a "come and get it" kind of message.  Girls should respect their bodies and it's good to be a little bit mysterious. And I don't like dressing up to the nines all the time; I'm not saying that people who do are bad, because it's what they're comfortable with. But I enjoy wearing just a simple tank top and sweatpants and little to no make-up because I can just chill and focus on how I feel, not what I look like


I've had my own struggles with beauty and self-esteem since I was a child: In first through fourth grade, I hated the clothes that my Mother bought me because I thought I looked ugly in them. When I got to middle school, it was frustrating because girls my age were looking and dressing like they were seventeen and eighteen years old. It until my freshman year to learn how to apply eye-shadow and eye-liner without looking like a complete mess. 


And even now in high school, I still battle my own insecurities. There was a time last year when I was insanely jealous of a few of my close friends because of how they looked. There are days where I truly wonder if I am beautiful, because I've only been told by friends, family and facebook stalkers who just want to jump my bones. I question as to whether my handicap is the reason why I have yet to be asked out on a date or asked by someone to dance. And hearing "this school needs hotter girls" doesn't help much either. 


When it all comes down to it, self-confidence and lack of it is the biggest problem. The saying that "in order for others to love you, you have to be able to love yourself first" rings completely and entirely true. But than poses another dilemma: how does one become confident in themselves without becoming full of themselves? And how does one be confident each and every day? 


It's not easy, and it's not going to get any easier. There will always be standards and ideas that society expects people to live up to. The biggest lesson I've learned is that if you're going to look, act or dress a certain way, do so because you truly feel that it's right and it's what you want. Living to please others will only give satisfaction for so long or not at all. 


We can't change the media or the way it works. The only thing we can do change the way we view ourselves and others. 


This website is amazing. Check it out for yourself

There is beauty in everything; You just have to take a step back and open your eyes

Why I blog, and other things

I first came on to the blogging scene in December of 2005. It was on another website, and my intention for it wasn't to blog, so to speak. Granted, I did post things quite often, but the majority of it was about the daily happenings in my life. That, and because it became one of those "gotta have it" things with kids my age at that time; a temporary cyber-playground that would get old once I discovered blogging possibilities on Myspace and Facebook soon after. 


I stumbled into this little place when I began following a friend's blog over the course of time; I had an urge to create one of my own, but I had so many other things to keep updating and I didn't want to add another hour to the already unnecessary hours I spend staring at the computer screen. Yet I was intrigued by the prospect of being able to write and share my thoughts without being coerced into some kind of group for specific web groups or what have you. And in a way, I missed sharing my frequent musings with people via cyberspace. 


My site name was born out of simplicity; I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to capitalize on specific notions or happenings in my life; in other words, my life doesn't constantly revolve around it. There are a vast amount of blogs out there dedicated to parenting, dating, careers, etc. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it just isn't my thing. Quite frankly, I would get bored talking about the same subject whenever I came on here. I have a very diverse personality and it's difficult to describe myself in just one single sentence (although I'm sure various friends and family members will have a different answer for that).


I write about whatever is on my mind; there are currently at least ten plus different topics sitting in the crevices of my brain at this moment. The hardest part, in my opinion, is knowing which one to talk about, or even if I should. One of the topics I'm rather hesitant about sticking my toes in is politics. Despite being of legal age to vote, I can't say that I have an incredibly amount of knowledge in regards to both the Democratic and Republican parties, or what their views exactly are. I probably should start educating myself more, but the whole thing is confusing. So I choose to tread carefully with politic issues because I realize that I don't have enough information to support my view (s) all the time. I'll admit that another key factor is that I hate getting into arguments, no matter what the motivation is.


 But that's what being a writer is all about; writing what you feel and what you think, despite there being a chance that not everyone will like or agree with it. 


I hope that when people come on here, they will get something out of it; maybe a little encouragement, maybe even a little insight. I want this to be a way for people to get to know me a bit better by reading the words that   I struggle with forming in person. To some, it's a way to keep up with where I'm at in my personal journey. To others, it could be because of my writing style. Whatever it is, I hope that it has an effect of some kind. That yes, there is more to me than what meets the eye. 

Fighting Skepticism (and self-doubt)

The deal is pretty much done; I sent my housing application in awhile back, my fasfa and other forms of financial aid are being processed, and I paid my official acceptance fee just recently. Now I'm just waiting to find out when my orientation date is and I'll get my housing/roommate assignments during the summer. For the most part it's all systems go. 


I know that a lot of friends and family have been skeptical about my decision ever since I began looking at colleges. In the beginning I did focus on the smaller schools because I thought it would be easier when it comes to getting around and what not. But as time went on, I couldn't see myself truly enjoying being a student there, and they didn't have all that much to show in regards to my major. 


And when I was looking into the University that I'll be attending this coming fall, I myself was a bit weary of it. People kept telling me how big it was, that would be a ton of walking, and that I would be just a number. For awhile I put it out of my mind because of what other people were saying. Yet after visiting that particular campus last October...I just knew. My Mom even pointed out how my entire face lit up as we were touring the buildings and different parts of the school. 


Contrary to the usual assumptions, I'm not doing this because it's my mother's alma matter (she actually wasn't for it until we visited and I explained my personal reasons afterward) or because I know about four or five people that already go there. This was my decision and mine alone, and I have no qualms about it. I'm going there because it feels right to me; I'm going to get so many more opportunities that I didn't get while in a private Catholic high school, and it has an exceptional English and creative writing program. Ultimately, I need to learn how to live my own life and do my own thing. 


I know that I shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone, and that I shouldn't give a crap about their own inputs. However, I can't deny that it hurt  when I told various friends and family members as to where I'm headed. A good portion are elated and proud of me, but some have expressed their doubts and concerns. In a way, I understand it because I know they're worried and they want me to succeed. Yet it's frustrating when I tell people and they're like "you're going there? Are you sure?" It's as if being mildly handicapped and going to a Big Ten University are like trying to fit a square into a circle. My own brother repeatedly tells me that he believes I'm not going to survive there. 


I guess that's one of the major set-backs of living with any type of handicap; no matter what, there are always going to be these assumptions about what you can and can't do. That just because it may be a bit more difficult, that you should lower your standards and just settle for whatever is easiest, even though it's not what you want. Truthfully, that's the kind of stigma that I absolutely detest. 


But just because the mountain may tall and the road may be long, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't reach for the stars.


I really can't say what will come of any of it right now, being that I haven't even graduated from high school yet. I realize that I'm not going to (and I can't) know everything when I leave in August. But I think that it's part of college; doing things you've never done before and experiencing all kinds of things, both good and bad. Right now, I'm just tackling things one at a time, and I have faith that no matter what happens, I'm going to be fine.