Fast on the track

As I am now into the third full week of my senior year, my mind has begun to resemble that of a runaway train; going down the track and at a million miles per hour with little to no way of stopping. It's not because I'm stressed and tearing my hair out already (although I won't be surprised if that happens eventually) but rather because there is alot to do and sometimes I'm not sure where exactly to start.

the coursework can be both good and bad, depending on what we're doing and how much sleep I got the night before. There are moments where I asked myself why in the world I'm taking algebra II and chemistry when I don't even have to (my requirements for graduation have been completed, but these are prerequisites to get into certain schools). They say junior year is the hardest year on an academic level, but I've begun to question that; senior year you have academics as well as the future to think about.

I miss my college friends right now, those that graduated the previous year. There are three that I hold near and dear to my heart, and it's been somewhat tricky having to adjust without them. I'm just so used to being greeted with en enthusiastic "hey girl!" in the hallways every day, or being comforted by a wonderful hug when I haven't felt all too wonderful. On the flip side I did get the chance to get to know alot of people over the summer, and it's been great having them around. I only wish I didn't ache so much for what feels so incredibly familiar.

The hardest part is not in fact that schoolwork, the college applications, or everything else in between. I want so badly to be able to take a step back and enjoy the little things, to "stop and smell the roses" as the saying goes. It seems as though I haven't had much time or opportunity to do so and I hate it.

I want to be able to hang out with my loved ones, both friends and family, and just laugh. I wanna get in touch with alot of my old friends and spend time with them; no talking about college or the future the entire time, just have fun and goof off. I can't exactly pinpoint why, but that is the number one thing on my list. Alot of them still mean a great deal to me, and it would do wonders just to be able to catch up. To reminisce. To see how much we've grown and changed.

I miss having deep conversations with people; talking to where by the end you've connected or reconnected with that person (and vice versa). It seems like I never really get to do that with anyone these days, given how busy and fast-paced life has been over these few weeks. I'd like to ask someone how they're really doing or to be asked that question myself, and not have to reply with a standard "fine" or "good." I think it's one of those little things that I've come to love so much; taking a step back from the craziness and clutter of life and just talking.

I have so many plans, so many things that need to get done. But than again, sometimes its good not to have a plan, because you're able to take things one day at a time and find the hidden joy in it.

I know that eventually this will all be worth it in the end, and that I'll grow from these experiences. I just wish I could slow my mind down for a bit....

Loving Others

Recently, I just got back into writing poetry again (for the longest time I was somewhat "dry" creatively; meaning I didn't have very much to write about.) Looking back on these past couple of months, I realized that I've been struggling with something that usually comes so naturally to me: loving other people. Not exactly the romantic kind of love, per say, but being kind to others regardless out how they treat you, and not judging someone before you get to know them. This poem describes what I think that kind of love should be, and how I feel I haven't been doing very good with it.

Loving Others
I try my best each day to love, to respect
But what once came so easily has no become a challenge
As I go on with age, and change progress
Reaching out with words of kindness; at times turn to ignorance and silence
Even more so, going about it the right way
Having patience, being kind
Putting others before oneself
To fully forgive and fully forget
To hope, trust, and banish pride
Ultimately never failing
Yet I do fail, whenever I don’t do any of these things
Especially when I feel anger towards another
Wanting something for myself, jealousy
Loving others means to have a tender heart
To take care of the people around you
Even if you don’t get it back