Friday Finds

A new take on "Amazing Grace"  (via Taste of Country)



Connecting Late Night Comedy and Spirituality  (via A Deeper Story)




A Letter To Women and Daughters (via A Holy Experience)




Pop-Band Dancing Groomsmen (via The Huffington Post)




Why Swimsuits Make Me Mad; a unique take on modesty (via The Identity Project)




On "Overnight Success"  (via Relevant Magazine)


I will be taking a bit of a break for the rest of July due to a very busy schedule, and will start back up again the following month. In the meantime, I'll be sharing some of my "Best Of" posts, so feel free to keep up with those on Facebook and Twitter! 

Have a great weekend!

photo credit: seyed mostafa zamani via photopin cc

On Technology And Being Alone

Put down your devices or be ruined by them. This is the message preached by various videos gone viral over the last couple of months. At first I went along with what you might call the "technological backlash," having spent a lot of time in therapy working toward a healthy balance in regards to using my phone and computer. It wasn't until I watched a particular TED Talk near the end of the semester that my perspective started to shift. Profound and thought provoking, I had to choke back tears as we discussed it for my career and leadership class. I related to it on such a deep level, and realized that perhaps being so connected isn't as cut and dry as people think. 

There's no arguing that (rapidly advancing) technology has a dark, even ugly side. I've witnessed the internet bring out the worst in some, and I've had relationships that were built on a false sense of security because we communicated almost entirely online or via texting. Yet when it comes to addressing this unsettling reality as a whole, attitude really does make a difference.

The problem is way bigger than being glued to Candy Crush or sharing ridiculous cat videos on Facebook. That being said, the solution is much more than demanding less time on social media and pointing out why we're supposedly better off without it. 

Electronic communication and the internet is not the heart of the issue. Rather, fear and loneliness is. 

Like Sherri, I'm convinced that we are the way we are because we don't know how to be comfortable with being alone. 

And I say that because for nearly a decade, I was one of those people. 

From the time I was twelve, the mere idea of physically being by myself was absolutely terrifying. Part of it may have very well been pre-conditioned; at the age of ten I can recall being told by a school counselor that I needed to be actively playing with other kids instead of just watching or walking around on my own. By the time I reached junior high, I genuinely believed that weekends without a packed social schedule indicated that something was wrong with me. High school and college were a little bit different because it was more about experiences and not wanting to miss out on them. But age and maturity didn't make me immune to the sting of rejection; the build up to the weekend made me anxious and desperate to plan things in advance to avoid being left out. And when a lot of those weekends were spent watching movies instead of going to parties or night clubs (at least for the first two years as a college student), my overactive imagination went into overdrive.

In that time, online communication and texting was less about hiding and more about just personal preference. I've always said that writing is like a second voice because it gives me the ability to articulate thoughts that are difficult to talk about in person. Back then, it was easier to discuss a subject in a text or a Facebook message first because I could choose my words carefully and not run the risk of being misinterpreted. I admit that I initially started blogging because I didn't know how to contribute my own opinions in a face-to-face discussion. And even though I'm older, there's still some truth in that for me today, but it really depends on the topic.

But I still found myself over-analyzing, second-guessing, and ultimately working myself up to where I just didn't know what to do anymore. I tried limiting my time on social media to twice a day, and when that didn't work, I would try to only check it when I saw notifications on my phone. Yet it wasn't long before I started to feel the way that some do when they go on certain diets; they mess up or "cheat" and experience instant shame or frustration. 

I struggled very much with anxiety for most of my senior year of college, particularly as graduation neared. At one point I even sat down with my therapist and discussed on the possibility of going on medication, as I've noticed that my mind tends to shut down and leave me unable to think about anything whenever I become seriously overwhelmed. (I initially thought this was due to texting, but it also happens when I'm in public places that are extremely crowded). The combination of that and having a creative mind that goes in all different directions can be a ridiculous recipe for a breakdown, which did happen once or twice. 

"It's not just about your habits," she explained. "It's also about the story you keep telling yourself whenever this kind of thing comes up." 

It was a story in which a lack of response meant that they didn't want to talk to me or see me. It meant that they didn't care and I didn't matter. Is this story true? For some, perhaps so, but  a lot of it can be chalked up to simply being lazy or being forgetful. We all do it to some extent.

On the other side, a lot of people experience those feelings and wonder if they could have said or done something different. It's so hard not to take it personally, and in some respects after a certain point it does become personal. But the bottom line is that you can't control what other people think or do because of it. What is said or done in love and kindness should not result in guilt or shame. 

Yet I wonder if this kind of mindset would exist if generation after generation wasn't raised to believe in vulnerability as a bad thing. If people were comfortable enough with not only telling, but showing a loved one that they cared, would the person on the other side of the screen be driving themselves crazy?

How would it be if people believed that all emotions are valid, and that they have every right to express them out loud?

 How would it be if our culture stopped focusing on the meaning of life based on age or gender, but based on what it means to be human?

In my personal experience, it's all about awareness. Despite that I use my phone and computer a lot, I do have instinctive limits. I can't explain what it is exactly, but I get this feeling whenever I sense that I'm using one or both too much. It's like a combination of anxiety and annoyance, and when that happens, then I know it's time to take a break. Of course, I still do things to help increase that awareness: I rarely use headphones anymore and choose not to take my phone with me when I go for walks or work out. Paying attention to the triggers helps me moderate how I use it without having to avoid it altogether. 

Finding comfort (and even contentment) in actually being alone is something that I'm still working at as well. It took a long time for that little voice in my head to quiet down; the one that constantly asked what are they all doing without me? One of the concepts pointed out in the video is that spending time alone teaches us how to relate better to others, and to better understand ourselves. When I genuinely reflected on it, I realized just how much growth took place when I was completely by myself. Some of those times were incredibly lonely, where I often wept like a baby and had to grit my teeth in order not to slip into a deep depression. But when I re-read various journals and just allowed myself to be still, I was filled with an indescribable amount of peace. Once I found true joy in that, I discovered that my faith grew deeper, I became a better writer, among other things. I actually find myself craving it when I'm around people for long periods of time, although I'm learning how to cope when I can't. 

Once I learned to be comfortable with admitting that I was lonely, it seemed like the stigma fell away. When that happens now, I see it as a natural reaction that is temporary and will eventually pass.

Yet that doesn't change the fact that cyberspace now resembles that of an addiction, and electronics are the ones that feed it. 

But it's not just what we do that exemplifies this culture. It's the way we view it. 

In other words, we romanticize the past and villify the present. There needs to be a balance that's healthy but understanding of the world we live in. 

I don't think kids under the age of thirteen should have a smartphone or a tablet, but I'm also not a parent. Technological overload doesn't mess with the human mind, but a lack of boundaries and moderation does. 

The internet can destroy, but it can also unite. I never discovered that so many others had the same questions and doubts (regarding the current state of Christianity) until I got into blogging. There's no verbal communication, but the stories did and still do speak to me. And I'm grateful. 

Texting is terrible for planning and having important conversations, but I love the fact that I started a prayer circle because of it. 

Social networking has its hangups; it does cause jealousy and insecurity, but it's not right to blame those who are simply trying to share their happiness with others. There are certain types of posts that I would rather not see on Facebook or Twitter, but it's not my place to go running interference. The only thing that gets under my skin is when I find out about the death of a friend or family member through someone else's Facebook post, rather than get a phone call or even just a text beforehand. While I get that those affected don't want to openly talk about it, it's still disrespectful to others that knew the deceased person, even if they didn't have the closest relationship. Pardon going off topic, but it's a serious matter and one that I feel very strongly about.

 Contrary to popular belief, I don't get the hype over a supposed "golden age" where everybody talked to each other all the time. If I didn't want to socialize, I read books in the middle of class, and I can imagine those of previous decades hiding behind newspapers or just flat out ignoring those around them. Would they talk more if they didn't have distractions in front of them? Probably. But sometimes it's more a matter of someone simply wanting there own space. In circumstances such as public transportation or crowded areas, most likely they're doing what they feel is necessary to keep themselves safe.

And though traditional means of communication are changing, there are other avenues opening up alongside that, particularly in terms of careers. I love being creative with various platforms, from coming up with catchy slogans that will fit one hundred forty characters or discovering various means to promote an upcoming story collection. Technology is providing certain kinds of jobs that didn't exist a decade or so ago, and being able to network has mind finding a job so much easier. Also, why bash a tool that has helped me stretched my creativity and help reach more audiences with my writing? 

That's the underlying issue in all of this; people spending all this energy arguing and fighting against things that they don't use or aspects that they're not even part of. No one's saying that you have to be involved with social media or own a smartphone, and not doing so doesn't make you better than anyone else. Technology would be less overwhelming (and concerning) if there weren't crusade-like arguments that perpetuate all of it. 

I get that some, if not most networks are often a breeding ground for negativity, and it can get really old after a while. But why try to convince somebody who probably isn't going to listen, and instead just change a few settings so you don't have to see that stuff? (de-friending or blocking seems a little bit drastic). The fact that anyone spends time and energy trying to dictate what others do online says more about them than it does about those being criticized. It says "I refuse to take responsibility for my own actions," which is the kind of attitude that contributes to more problems than just what goes on in cyberspace. 

If you are seriously concerned with what someone else is doing on the other side of a computer screen, then be an adult and talk to them about it. Otherwise if it's just something like seeing too many selfies or pointless articles, maybe it would be a good idea to just stop scrolling and get off of the computer for a little bit. Again, no one is forcing you to do anything. Everyone should be able to express themselves freely and not feel like they have to cater to their friend/follower list. I'm very conciancious of what I share and the fact that not all will appreciate it, and that's OK. I'm doing it because I came across something that made me happy or made me think, and I want to do my best to create a positive environment online. I'm not going to apologize for that.

It's not bad to occasionally reminisce about "back in the day"; who doesn't like talking about their extensive CD collection, along with everything that came before that? But fighting against (inevitable) change and always longing for what used to be seems like a battle that will ultimately go nowhere. 

Like loneliness, technology is not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing; it's just part of life. You can either embrace it and roll with it, or waste your days being cynical over something that you can't control. 

Trust me when I say that once you do, it definitely gets easier to deal with.

photo credit: Anne Worner via photopin cc

Weekly Wisdom

In an effort to keep the blog going while keeping busy with an internship, job searching, and working on various writing pieces, I thought I would try something new. 

Whenever I have instances where I'm too busy to write a full blog,  or just don't know how to put these thoughts into words, I'll go ahead and share these little snippets. Some might be from Instagram (where in that case, I will do my best to give credit it where credit is due), but most I will often come up with on my own.

I post a lot of these things on various social media handles, so feel free to follow me on Pinterest, Instagram, or Twitter! 

Inspired by a conversation with one of my closest friends that took place before the start of last semester

This was all created using an app called Quollective, which can be found in the Itunes app section. 

Have a great weekend!

photo credit: jenny downing via photopin cc

Music Monday

Every so often I like to share a little playlist of what I've been listening to as of recently. Here are my picks for this particular segment!

Yeah-Joe Nichols

-Personally it's not as good as "Sunny and 75" (which I absolutely love) but it comes in close second!

Slave To The Rhythm-Michael Jackson

-This might seem somewhat suggestive if you read into the lyrics, but I still danced to it while watching the Billboard Music Awards a while back.

Sing-Ed Sheeran

Lee Brice-I Don't Dance 

I definitely wouldn't mind being spun around on the dance floor for this! It's just that adorable.

Somethin' Bad-Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert

-Can I just say that I wish I was Miranda? She brings out my inner sassy lady and no one messes with her!

Have a great week!

All videos are from Youtube!

photo credit: Fotografik33 via photopin cc

Something To Ponder

I've only been a college graduate for a month, and yet I feel like so much has happened already. Maybe not in the way of a job offer or other particular "Real World" milestones, but definitely a lot where I have grown and have a lot to be grateful for. 

My grandmother took this picture during the ceremony; I have never actually seen my eyes so full of light and wonder. Leading up to the end of the semester I was incredibly down and depressed, and the very thought of closing this chapter seemed unthinkable. I practically burst into tears every time somebody brought it up. It's a big change and I can't say how I'll feel once I move out of my apartment for good. But in those two and a half hours, it was like things were coming together. Thus far, I have never felt more proud and blessed than I did during that commencement. It was truly a celebration and a victory. 

As I continue the transition, I find myself wanting (and ultimately experiencing) more joy. I've talked about happiness versus joy before, but not so much the other emotions that factor in when we tend to least expect them. How do you lean into or acknowledge something without wallowing in it? Growing up, it seemed like you always had to be on one side or the other. You were either extremely happy or in pain, and the former was obviously better than the latter. 

But now I know that it isn't that cut and dry, mostly because you can't predict what will happen or how you'll react to it at first.  In other words, the choice isn't what to feel, but what to embrace. I don't believe that anybody is happy all the time as much as I believe that they're good at keeping their struggles under wraps. Thankfully I no longer subscribe to constant happiness, because happiness isn't constant. 

Instead, I find it more important to be anchored. 

Like it or not, bad things do happen, and you can't get around that. You're going to walk through fire or experience some kind of storm and most likely you won't be able to control anything about it. And when you do, the best place to be is grounded in something greater than yourself. For me, that is my faith. I don't always know what that looks like, but I desperately need it. 

When looking at it from a broad perspective, our culture is the way it is because we live in fear; in fact, we're practically enraptured by it. Almost every article I come across has something to do with a list of what's bad and why. There's always a negative or cynical connotation to it, with little to no counter argument. The headline might as well read "How to Avoid Actually Living Life: (insert subject here) Edition. Even faith, love, and connection, which I consider some of the most wonderful aspect of any stage or chapter, seem to operate out of fear. 

At the heart of it, fear and worry are ways of trying to control what isn't ours to control in the first place. This is especially true when another person(s) is involved. I'm not going to argue against the fear of trusting too much too soon. The fear of being taken advantage of. The fear of looking back and berating ourselves over what could have been done differently, wondering if the risk was even worth it. I understand that we all have different experiences and to different degrees. For me, the prospect of missing out on something (or someone) great because of what might go wrong far outweighs the prospect of getting hurt in the end. 

It's natural (and normal) to wonder about the possibilities. But what if there was another way, aside from being weighed down by what has already been or what has yet to be?

Be cautious in order to be aware and fully present in whatever you're doing. 

Take your time so that you can appreciate the process of getting to know people and hearing their 
 stories. 

Don't protect your heart for the sake of not letting someone else in. Let God be the one to guide it, and trust that He will heal it in seasons of pain or sadness. 

Allow yourself to be happy, even if the reason is temporary. Let that joy radiate, even it in means looking childish and goofy to the rest of the world. I would have saved myself a lot of stress had I just embraced that side of myself early on, particularly as a teenager. 

Looking back on these last four years, I didn't just get an education, but an experience. My advice to anyone and everyone is this: whatever you do in life, be all in. It may only be for a season, but there's always a chance of your life changing in the best way possible because of it. Be in the present moment. Take a chance. 

Don't worry about getting everything you want. Rather, focus on becoming everything you want. 

While I still have room for improvement, I'm humbled to say that I did that. 

And I'm glad.

Friday Finds

Every so often I like to post links to great articles, videos, and other things that I find around the internet. Here are a few that I've come across over these last couple of weeks. 



A Newlywed's Advice to Newlyweds (via Paul Perkins)

Very eye-opening, particularly during wedding season



On The Flip side of Love (via InCourage)

A gentle reminder about the only way to truly experience love (romantic and otherwise) 


Three Things Every Woman Needs to Survive... (via The Identity Project)

I love this because I'm starting to hate all those articles out that there are basically just lists and don't always apply to everyone. I'm tempted to write something that says "here's the most important list you'll ever need" and then all it says is "quit trying to prepare so much and just roll with it!"


Connected, But Alone? (via Youtube)

One of the best TED talks I have ever watched (thus far) and a great precursor to a blog post that I'll be writing soon!

I Remember You 

This Sunday marks the one year anniversary since a friend of mine from high school tragically passed away. I wrote a tribute to him back in December, and I thought I would share it again.

Have a great weekend!


photo credit: Matt Peoples via photopin cc

Claiming My Life

These words have been on my heart for a long time, but I didn't know how to express them. This is not about bashing anybody; I love and respect these people I am referring to very much and I am not purposefully trying to attack anyone. This is my way of acknowledging what I've had to overcome in circumstances, and how I don't want the pain of the past to dictate my future.

Claiming My Life

We all have a history

Each one of us

Days filled with triumphs and leaping forward

Seasons that encompass heartbreak, loss, and stepping backward

Together with family by blood

And friends who became such

People who hold us up

And those who push us down

My first twenty-one years

A wave of accomplishments, yet unconventional

I was born early and bloomed late

Fighting for all that I wanted and dreamed about

I try not to ask why, because it is what it is

I only wish I hadn’t absorbed certain habits

Exposed to unhealthy dysfunction

Hope put in empty promises of different circumstances

Surrounded by those who broke their backs to break bread

Resulting in memories mixed with joy,  exhaustion, and resentment

And ultimately all left broken in the process

So I hid in the comfort of change

Easily picturing who I could become

If only I tried hard enough

I could be happy all the time

And then I would be loved

Leading me to conceal not only my pain, but also my joy

For a fear of being left behind

Wholeness only became real when I surrendered

Having become a mess of “still trying” and “not good enough”

Taking it all down to being human and a child of God

One not seen by the dozens, but seen nonetheless

I’ve come to a crossroads

Between what has been and what has yet to be

Adulthood

Not just defined by independence and maturity

But creating a life for myself

One that involves freedom instead of fear

Embracing rather than hiding

Ultimately owning and being aware

despite the mistakes having been made

Claim your life

Take care of yourself for the sake of your sanity

Look beyond projections and predictions

Love whole-heartedly despite the risk of being shattered

Not everyone will agree

But it’s not just about them anymore

Grateful for my roots and the road I've taken thus far

Yet it's time to set my own path

I'm not without love and respect for those that have been examples

I can't be the center of someone's world or their reason for happiness

They must choose it for themselves

And I must choose mine

photo credit: Christian Frausto Bernal via photopin cc