Music Monday

Every so often I like to share a little playlist of what I've been listening to as of recently. Here are my picks for this particular segment!

Yeah-Joe Nichols

-Personally it's not as good as "Sunny and 75" (which I absolutely love) but it comes in close second!

Slave To The Rhythm-Michael Jackson

-This might seem somewhat suggestive if you read into the lyrics, but I still danced to it while watching the Billboard Music Awards a while back.

Sing-Ed Sheeran

Lee Brice-I Don't Dance 

I definitely wouldn't mind being spun around on the dance floor for this! It's just that adorable.

Somethin' Bad-Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert

-Can I just say that I wish I was Miranda? She brings out my inner sassy lady and no one messes with her!

Have a great week!

All videos are from Youtube!

photo credit: Fotografik33 via photopin cc

Something To Ponder

I've only been a college graduate for a month, and yet I feel like so much has happened already. Maybe not in the way of a job offer or other particular "Real World" milestones, but definitely a lot where I have grown and have a lot to be grateful for. 

My grandmother took this picture during the ceremony; I have never actually seen my eyes so full of light and wonder. Leading up to the end of the semester I was incredibly down and depressed, and the very thought of closing this chapter seemed unthinkable. I practically burst into tears every time somebody brought it up. It's a big change and I can't say how I'll feel once I move out of my apartment for good. But in those two and a half hours, it was like things were coming together. Thus far, I have never felt more proud and blessed than I did during that commencement. It was truly a celebration and a victory. 

As I continue the transition, I find myself wanting (and ultimately experiencing) more joy. I've talked about happiness versus joy before, but not so much the other emotions that factor in when we tend to least expect them. How do you lean into or acknowledge something without wallowing in it? Growing up, it seemed like you always had to be on one side or the other. You were either extremely happy or in pain, and the former was obviously better than the latter. 

But now I know that it isn't that cut and dry, mostly because you can't predict what will happen or how you'll react to it at first.  In other words, the choice isn't what to feel, but what to embrace. I don't believe that anybody is happy all the time as much as I believe that they're good at keeping their struggles under wraps. Thankfully I no longer subscribe to constant happiness, because happiness isn't constant. 

Instead, I find it more important to be anchored. 

Like it or not, bad things do happen, and you can't get around that. You're going to walk through fire or experience some kind of storm and most likely you won't be able to control anything about it. And when you do, the best place to be is grounded in something greater than yourself. For me, that is my faith. I don't always know what that looks like, but I desperately need it. 

When looking at it from a broad perspective, our culture is the way it is because we live in fear; in fact, we're practically enraptured by it. Almost every article I come across has something to do with a list of what's bad and why. There's always a negative or cynical connotation to it, with little to no counter argument. The headline might as well read "How to Avoid Actually Living Life: (insert subject here) Edition. Even faith, love, and connection, which I consider some of the most wonderful aspect of any stage or chapter, seem to operate out of fear. 

At the heart of it, fear and worry are ways of trying to control what isn't ours to control in the first place. This is especially true when another person(s) is involved. I'm not going to argue against the fear of trusting too much too soon. The fear of being taken advantage of. The fear of looking back and berating ourselves over what could have been done differently, wondering if the risk was even worth it. I understand that we all have different experiences and to different degrees. For me, the prospect of missing out on something (or someone) great because of what might go wrong far outweighs the prospect of getting hurt in the end. 

It's natural (and normal) to wonder about the possibilities. But what if there was another way, aside from being weighed down by what has already been or what has yet to be?

Be cautious in order to be aware and fully present in whatever you're doing. 

Take your time so that you can appreciate the process of getting to know people and hearing their 
 stories. 

Don't protect your heart for the sake of not letting someone else in. Let God be the one to guide it, and trust that He will heal it in seasons of pain or sadness. 

Allow yourself to be happy, even if the reason is temporary. Let that joy radiate, even it in means looking childish and goofy to the rest of the world. I would have saved myself a lot of stress had I just embraced that side of myself early on, particularly as a teenager. 

Looking back on these last four years, I didn't just get an education, but an experience. My advice to anyone and everyone is this: whatever you do in life, be all in. It may only be for a season, but there's always a chance of your life changing in the best way possible because of it. Be in the present moment. Take a chance. 

Don't worry about getting everything you want. Rather, focus on becoming everything you want. 

While I still have room for improvement, I'm humbled to say that I did that. 

And I'm glad.

Friday Finds

Every so often I like to post links to great articles, videos, and other things that I find around the internet. Here are a few that I've come across over these last couple of weeks. 



A Newlywed's Advice to Newlyweds (via Paul Perkins)

Very eye-opening, particularly during wedding season



On The Flip side of Love (via InCourage)

A gentle reminder about the only way to truly experience love (romantic and otherwise) 


Three Things Every Woman Needs to Survive... (via The Identity Project)

I love this because I'm starting to hate all those articles out that there are basically just lists and don't always apply to everyone. I'm tempted to write something that says "here's the most important list you'll ever need" and then all it says is "quit trying to prepare so much and just roll with it!"


Connected, But Alone? (via Youtube)

One of the best TED talks I have ever watched (thus far) and a great precursor to a blog post that I'll be writing soon!

I Remember You 

This Sunday marks the one year anniversary since a friend of mine from high school tragically passed away. I wrote a tribute to him back in December, and I thought I would share it again.

Have a great weekend!


photo credit: Matt Peoples via photopin cc

Claiming My Life

These words have been on my heart for a long time, but I didn't know how to express them. This is not about bashing anybody; I love and respect these people I am referring to very much and I am not purposefully trying to attack anyone. This is my way of acknowledging what I've had to overcome in circumstances, and how I don't want the pain of the past to dictate my future.

Claiming My Life

We all have a history

Each one of us

Days filled with triumphs and leaping forward

Seasons that encompass heartbreak, loss, and stepping backward

Together with family by blood

And friends who became such

People who hold us up

And those who push us down

My first twenty-one years

A wave of accomplishments, yet unconventional

I was born early and bloomed late

Fighting for all that I wanted and dreamed about

I try not to ask why, because it is what it is

I only wish I hadn’t absorbed certain habits

Exposed to unhealthy dysfunction

Hope put in empty promises of different circumstances

Surrounded by those who broke their backs to break bread

Resulting in memories mixed with joy,  exhaustion, and resentment

And ultimately all left broken in the process

So I hid in the comfort of change

Easily picturing who I could become

If only I tried hard enough

I could be happy all the time

And then I would be loved

Leading me to conceal not only my pain, but also my joy

For a fear of being left behind

Wholeness only became real when I surrendered

Having become a mess of “still trying” and “not good enough”

Taking it all down to being human and a child of God

One not seen by the dozens, but seen nonetheless

I’ve come to a crossroads

Between what has been and what has yet to be

Adulthood

Not just defined by independence and maturity

But creating a life for myself

One that involves freedom instead of fear

Embracing rather than hiding

Ultimately owning and being aware

despite the mistakes having been made

Claim your life

Take care of yourself for the sake of your sanity

Look beyond projections and predictions

Love whole-heartedly despite the risk of being shattered

Not everyone will agree

But it’s not just about them anymore

Grateful for my roots and the road I've taken thus far

Yet it's time to set my own path

I'm not without love and respect for those that have been examples

I can't be the center of someone's world or their reason for happiness

They must choose it for themselves

And I must choose mine

photo credit: Christian Frausto Bernal via photopin cc

Music Monday

Every other Monday or so, I like to share a "playlist" of songs/artists that I've been enjoying lately. Since both summer and wedding season have kicked into high gear, I thought I would honor both of those aspects. With that said, this list might be a little longer than usual!

Who I am With You-Chris Young 

Cue the happy tears whenever this gets played. It talks about what I've always believed about falling in love with another person; that he or she should always inspire you to be the best that you can be. It's not about making each other happy all the time, but teaching each other how to live well. 

Love Never Felt So Good-Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake

The King of Pop plus the President of Pop equals magic!

Riverbank-Brad Paisley 

I'm guessing this will be a strong contender for the song that everybody gets annoyed with because it gets played on our family lake trips so much. It's still fun though!

I Don't Dance-Lee Brice

Seeing the title, I thought it would be annoying and one of those typical "I'm just going to sit here and drink into oblivion" type songs. But it's honestly just freaking adorable. And what do you know, it's playing on Pandora just as I'm typing this.

Let The Groove Get In-Justin Timberlake

It's not popular on the radio (yet), but it sure is catchy!

You Make My Dreams-Hall and Oates 

I heart this whenever I listen to the Billy Joel station on Pandora. My generation probably isn't familiar with it, but they should be! 

Sunny and 75-Joe Nichols

It's a repeat, but that's because I listen to and love it so much. It just makes me flat out happy and brings an instant smile to my face. Take note of that. 

Have a great week, everyone!

photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc

When You're Eighteen

(A couple of weeks after the start of freshman year, right outside my dorm room) 

When you're eighteen, you think that college is the perfect time to start over; you can leave your old town and your old self behind. You think that you'll never get lonely when you're surrounded by all these new friends almost all the time. You don't want to admit to Mom and Dad that it's harder than you anticipated, and that this phase in your life does not happen with John Mayer's "No Such Thing" playing in the background. And as a side note, you'll analyze that song for a presentation


When you're eighteen, you think that making friends will be easy because everyone is supposedly more mature. You do meet many of your closest friends at time: in your dorm room, in the middle of the cafeteria, at a church visit, and surprisingly what turns out to be a pretty fun class. Not everyone accepts who you are (at least until later) and that's hard. But these six or seven people will stick with you when others seem to be going in and out.


When you're eighteen, you discover that you like alcohol and party animals, but sororities don't like you. It's hard to understand why at first, but down the road you'll see that not being "in" with either crowd was a blessing in disguise.


When you're eighteen, you think that you can predict what's ahead, but you have absolutely no clue how much you'll change.

(It keeps reverting sideways and I'm not sure why. But I did like that top).

When you're twenty, you'll discover that you are physically and sexually attractive. Men will see it in you and you will see it in yourself. You like being wanted and pursued, but it's also confusing and terrifying because you sense that they don't care about whether or not you feel safe.  And you feel like it's your fault, because to a certain extent that's what you were brought up to believe. 

When you're twenty, you will realize that when multiple people tell you not to do something, it's best to listen to them. And while it's OK to always try and see the best in people, it doesn't have to warrant trying to be their hero. 


When you're twenty, you will learn to love country music again. It represents three aspects of your life that you cherish the most: faith, family, and friends. And you'll realize that you do need your parents, regardless of how old you get.


When you're twenty, you'll begin to understand that friends do come and go from your life, but God always keeps the best ones close. You might have times where you're apart for a little while, but you'll always come back together somehow. 

(Celebrating my 22nd birthday with a little glam!)

By the time you're twenty-two, you will have kissed a little and drank a lot, and that culture will start to get old after a while. At the same time, it's hard to get out of because there are times where you want to feel anything but hurt or pain.What you do appreciate about those wild nights, it will be because your closest friends had your back the entire time. They'll never judge you, but they will you call you out when you don't stay true to yourself. 



When you're twenty-two, you will be more self-aware than you ever have been. It's a blessing because you know how to stay grounded, but a curse because you resort to beating yourself up a lot. By this time, you will have been in therapy for three years and it will be one of the healthiest decisions you've made in college. Remember that you're a human being and that you do not have to be perfect in order to be loved. 



When you're twenty-two, your eyes will be opened in terms of what it means to love and truly accept people for who they are. You will learn a lot about change and loss, and that there just isn't time to invest deeply in every person you meet. There will be times when it seems like your circumstances (especially those related to your past) are hell-bent on destroying you. But your faith is going to keep your anchored, and you will become closer to your Creator than you've been since you were in middle school.




When you're twenty-two, you will look back and be able to genuinely say that these last four years have most the most pivotal years of your life, at least thus far. You'll know that sometimes it's OK to do things simply because you want to, and you don't need a reason beyond that. You'll accomplish a number of things, including staying up all night raising money for cancer,getting into one of the top creative writing programs in the country,  running in a 5K, doing a bar crawl, and the list goes on. You wish that you had been more assertive and and less concerned about the opinions of others, but everything has a time and purpose. 



But the best part is that this journey is yours. You have very few regrets, because at one time it was something that you wanted, and it led you to where you need to be. As your mom told you, have gained so much more than a college education, and you have so much to give because of that. Keep walking. Keep growing. And keep loving. 


Iowa, Forevermore. 


I'm taking a bit of a break from blogging for a couple of weeks; I need some time to process this transition in my life and to spend time with friends and family, but I'll still be updating my Facebook and Twitter pages if you want to connect through there. See you all real soon!

Who I Am and Where I'm At

(nearing the finish line at my first 5K race)

In a way, this is a continuation of the post that I wrote regarding how I've lived with Cerebral Palsy for the last ten years. There was something that I genuinely wanted to touch on, but I couldn't do it without making the piece longer than it was, or completely veering off the original topic. But this is something that I felt the need to write about, because it doesn't just relate to what I have. It's for everybody who feels small and scared a lot of the time. It's for those who know how to dream but aren't sure how to dare. And it's for everybody, because everybody does it, whether they choose to acknowledge it or not.

As I look back on my college journey, especially in the beginning, I wish that I would have been more assertive and more honest about what I wanted. I may not have gotten it, but I definitely wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy tip-toeing around people that probably didn't care one way or the other. Granted, when you're in a new place and those are the only people you know, it's hard to see beyond that. I didn't want to end up alone and have to see them every day, because I was already feeling isolated on some level. But I did meet other people. I found a place of belonging. Maybe not in the way I expected or wanted at first, but I did. 

It took me a very long time to understand this, and often had to do so the hard way. I wouldn't go so far as to say don't pay any attention to what anyone thinks about you. I think people should care about whether or not their words and actions impact their relationships, particularly if someone ends up deeply hurt because of them. People should want to do their best in whatever situation or circumstances they find themselves in. But life is precious, and realistically there isn't time to dwell on whether or not your peers or colleagues love you, let alone like you. 

It's not about giving the world the cold shoulder, but recognizing that you won't always mesh or find common ground with every person you meet. It's about realizing that intention does not necessarily affect perception; that just because you portray yourself one way, that does not guarantee that others will look at you with the same eyes. And that's OK. There's being somebody, but there's also being somebody for the right reasons. 

Much of this chapter in my life has been centered on my identity, and trying to beyond many of the things that I'd been labeled over the last decade. Admittedly, I've spent a lot of time defining myself based on who I'm not or what I can't do. It's as though I've tried to reassure people, "well I'm not this, but that doesn't mean I'm not a good person. It's great to be authentic and I certainly don't want to put myself on a pedestal, but when I think about it, I don't want to be compared to anyone else either. Even though I'm referring to myself, it's a way of highlighting my flaws more than my strengths. 

It all comes down to being able to own who you are. And if for whatever reason that's not possible, at least own where you're at. 

These days I try my best not to make it complicated. I am simply a child of God. I am a human being. And I also have a big heart, and one that has a lot to give at that. I'm learning to not be ashamed of the way I love, and am slowly learning to incorporate that into how I live. 

That being said, I don't really regret any of the detours that occurred along the way, some which were set in front of me and others I made by my own choices. In hindsight many of them were not good for me, but now I understand that just because something is a popular cultural choice, that doesn't necessarily make it the right choice. It ultimately led me to where I am today, a strong person who's grown and become more mature because of what I've been through. 

This transition is bittersweet, and it won't be easy. If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I no longer want to be a project, whether it be out of my own motivation or others trying to convince me that I need to change. I'm all for growth and self-improvement, but more so because something is dragging me down rather than because it's what or who I'm supposed to be at this point. It's amazing what happens when you allow yourself to just be changed instead of trying to force it, especially for the purpose of making others feel satisfied.

So often I tried to follow bits and pieces of advice in order to feel better. But honestly, that happened when I stopped trying to hold myself together and started letting people in. Yet, as I go out into the real world, maybe it's no longer about finding a place where most, if not everyone gets it. It's natural to want to be part of a community that makes you feel safe and unashamed, and even more so to actively seek that out. But as I begin to close this particular chapter and go on to another, I have to wonder if it's really less about waiting to find a safe haven, and more so learning about learning to live by your own values and convictions, regardless if others agree or disagree. 

It's a process, and I'm getting there.